


Just for Him [Without Images]

by saamanthaaaxx



Series: ♥︎ Destiny Among Our Blurred Hearts [Just for Him Collection] [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars - The Force Awakens, Star Wars - The Last Jedi - Fandom, Star Wars - The Rise of Skywalker, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: 1980s AU, Adult Content, Affairs, Angst, Arguments, Be kind please, Blowjobs, Comfort, Cunnilingus, Daddy Kink, Dominance/submission, Dominant Kylo Ren, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional Rollercoaster, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Angst, Fingering, Fluff, Hertfordshire, Knights of Ren - Freeform, Kylo Point of View, Kylo Ren - Freeform, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren/Female Reader - Freeform, Love you All❤︎, Masturbation, Modern AU, Modernized Regency, Mutual Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Naked Female Clothes Male, New York City, Oral Sex, Protective Kylo Ren, Regency, Romance, Secret affairs, Serious Relationship Angst, Size Kink, Slow Burn, Smut, Star Wars - Freeform, Starkiller Base, The Finalizer, The Force Ships It, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Trying my best, good girl, i need to slow down, innapropriate use of the force, lots of feelings, making stuff up as I go, making up stuff about star wars, older male younger female, please heed warnings, regency au, secrecy, too many details, various time periods, very very plot heavy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:55:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 48,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29410830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saamanthaaaxx/pseuds/saamanthaaaxx
Summary: As a modest young woman living during the Regency Era in Hertfordshire, England, things had never felt right. That was until one evening, you came across the most charming gentleman you had the privilege of laying your eyes on, by the unique title of Commander Kylo Ren. You were his Angel, and that meant he had his own ways of possessing you, mind, body, and soul. But had Ren's shattering desires, secrets, and abilities been powerful enough to challenge everything you thought you knew about your life, and yourself?And more importantly, was there any way your souls would come back to each other?[Ultimately, if you read on, you will find that this is a love story taking place between two parallel universes.♥️]Chapters 1-3 are currently in the process of being fixed up and reworked. i am a new writer, and when i wrote them, i didn't know what i was doing. i still invite you to PLEASE read them, just adding some extra description and fixing grammar. i still don't know what i'm doing. but thank you for giving my writing a chance<3
Relationships: Ben Solo/Reader, Ben Solo/You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Series: ♥︎ Destiny Among Our Blurred Hearts [Just for Him Collection] [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2160597
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter One - At First Glance

**Author's Note:**

> Since many people enjoy reading stories without pictures, I created this identical version of Just for Him for your viewing pleasure. Originally, I added pictures to my story to enhance the reading experience, but I realized some people might not like all that extra jazz. Anyways, here you go, and I hope you enjoy my writing, pictures or not<3
> 
> While this story _begins_ in 1800s England, I've added a _modern_ spin on that, especially in relation to the vocabulary, actions depicted by the characters, and plot development. The reason for that is because the linguistics of that time period is significantly outdated, and would not make sense for the rest of the story. I truly hope you enjoy this crazy beautiful adventure between you and your favorite Commander, but if not, that's alright. I can promise Kylo is still in love with you;)
> 
> The beautiful Star Wars Regency AU art that inspired this entire fanfiction was created by "TheRealMcgeeArt" on Tumblr.
> 
> While my ideal depiction of Kylo is someone who is soft, gentle, loving, and kind, there will be situations in this fic in which he is possessive, vulnerable, and emotionally unavailable. Please keep this in mind, xoxo♥️
> 
> Also, this is my first time writing really anything in the world of fanfiction. I am relatively young in terms of other writers on this platform, and the Star Wars Cinematic Universe is the first fandom I am actively participating in. Constructive criticism is absolutely something I'm hoping for, but please be gentle. As most authors know, writing is very difficult. And personally, I'm quite sensitive to anything deliberately hurtful, not helpful, or discouraging.💌

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Your first encounter with Commander Kylo Ren completely overtakes you.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ **Chapter Song:** Chasing Fire, stripped version, by LAUV ](https://open.spotify.com/track/6WFSCIHYfIaV1Apxhl1ES8?si=JA6yl__pQ667U24REPQMfw) ♥️
> 
> _"I'm chasing fire when I'm running after you, you  
>  You got that something that I never wanna lose, lose, yeah  
> It's like dancing when the song's already over  
> Moving without getting any closer, oh  
> I'm chasing fire when I'm running after you..." _
> 
> **Chapter Warnings: no smut, mentions of arranged marriage (not with kylo)**

_When you were born, your biological parents could not afford to take care of you, however, the Williams family soon adopted you at a very young age as they had abundant wealth. Their family comprised Arthur and Barbara Williams, husband and wife respectively, and two of their own biological daughters, Eleanor being the middle child, Louisa the youngest, and you were the eldest._

**Chapter I - At First Glance**

**_01 October 1810_**

As you awoke from a more-than-peaceful night of sleep, you looked around your room, distantly hearing your sisters arguing about nonsense. Smiling and outstretching your arms, seeing the sunlight flowing through the window, you remembered today was your father's birthday.

He would be fifty years old, and your mother saw it perfectly fit to throw an extravagant ball for him.

Whenever large celebrations occurred, they warranted a beautiful gown. You loved wearing them: you wore your hair down, and the dresses always accentuated your curves, gracefully flowing down to the floor.

Unfortunately, being the eldest daughter, your family always hoped for you to find a prospective husband during these large gatherings. Despite _this_ time being your father's birthday. Your family was extremely loving, but relentless in the pursuit of a marriage that wasn't even theirs.

Your aunts, uncles, cousins, and distant family pressured you, which was expected given the fact your older female cousins wed in previous years to suitors they met at soirées.

And you wanted to _vomit_.

What meaning does the union between two people not in love carry? Surely genuine love is worth more than all the fucking shillings a rich man could acquire in Britain.

Sighing, you lazily shifted yourself off of your soft, warm bed, and went to the refresher to clean up and begin your day.

-

As you made your way downstairs, you found your two sisters, Eleanor and Louisa, scrambling aimlessly around the family room in a quarrel.

"What have you done with my most precious necklace, Louisa!" Eleanor yelled, voice laced with malice.

"Well, why don't you ask _her!"_ Louisa angrily shouted back, pointing at you.

Eleanor's demeanor relaxed, knowing you were only just waking up. "I'm very sorry, but do you know where my necklace went?" She paused, beginning to panic senselessly, "Oh, I just must wear it at father's ball tonight!"

Groggily laughing at your sisters' display of anger over an insignificant piece of jewelry, you complained, "Oh, Eleanor, must you always wear that forsaken necklace? We have far too many other beautiful pieces you can wear for tonight."

Her face morphed into a sneer, and her eyes narrowed. "Oh, I know, but that one is the _most_ beautiful. Everyone in this family knows how important that piece of jewelry is to me. Would you reckon someone has stolen it?!"

"Nevermind that, Eleanor. We have a ball to prepare for tonight. There is no time for such meaningless worry. I shall help you find your necklace tomorrow. Wear one of my silver pieces," you stated calmly.

She rolled her eyes and sighed, but nonetheless tacitly consented to your suggestion.

You continued, "Louisa, would you like me to help you with your updo after breakfast?"

She smiled happily, "Of course. We must definitely look our best, I heard mother invited handsome soldiers from London! How exciting!"

You and Eleanor chuckled with her, continuing to whisper over these men. After seeming to be happy sisters once again, the three of you made your way into the kitchen for breakfast. Your mother and father were already present at the table, happy to see their daughters make an appearance. You and your sisters wished your father a happy birthday, exchanging positive remarks to him.

As you sat down, still laughing quietly with your sisters, your mother said your name, which caught your attention.

"So," she started, tone mild, "I have the most wonderful news. Tonight at your father's ball, Prince Alexander Beaumont of Oxford will be making a most esteemed appearance. I trust you will acknowledge his presence and introduce yourself as a potential bride."

You felt a sickening fucking feeling form in the pit of your stomach, but were quick to ignore it. "Yes, mother. It would be an honor to meet a man of such high ranking and virtue." She smiled happily at your confirmation of her request. Not that you had a choice.

"Very well. It is best you wed soon, make a more proper image of this family," she continued, and you silently agreed, but couldn't shake how dreadful your situation was.

Your father looked at you, sensing your sudden unease, and tried to reassure you. Saying your name kindly, he said, "Prince Beaumont is a very respectful and kind man. I have had the privilege of meeting him a few years back during my journey to Oxford two years ago."

Feeling a bit more relaxed, you chimed in, "Thank you, mother and father. He definitely sounds like someone I am convinced to marry."

Your mother quipped, "Good. It is settled, then."

You knew your father, and you definitely knew your mother's intentions at this moment. Marrying Prince Beaumont was official in their minds, but only for the most superficial reasons. He was a Prince, and if you were to wed him, you would become the Princess of Oxford. This would allow your sisters greater chances of finding agreeable suitors.

And of course, the Williams' family reputation.

Yes, your family was wealthy, however, there were families much wealthier. A daughter married to a Prince guarantees respect from even the most prestigious families in England.

Something you couldn't help shake, however, was the feeling that life wasn't all that it was. The British government was incredibly oppressive and did everything in its power to restrict its citizens; this was something you were able to identify ever since being a young girl. But people were always so afraid of having too much freedom, and they were definitely afraid of new innovations, the prospect of technology, and of course, the future. There were other very small nuances to life, related to the way you lived and how people behaved that didn't add up. 

You sighed, pushing your thoughts away and prepared to get ready for your father's ball.

Life just wasn't as it seemed, and you wistfully wondered if you'd ever discover the truth, no matter how shattering and devastating it might be.

-

After you had helped Louisa with her hair and tying her dress and your mother had helped you and Eleanor with your hair, you began feeling more confident about how the night would go.

You were alone in your room, makeup and hair completed beautifully, subtle eyeliner and blush complimenting your features. Your hair was curled and left down, flowing behind you with small pieces framing your face. You were wearing multiple silver sterling earrings; you were rebellious and had given yourself _four_ piercings on both ears, three on your earlobes and one on your cartilage, an act that was much to your mother's dismay.

And your _dress_. Oh, your dress. It was a deep red color, strapless, and flowed down to the ground similar to a majestic, crimson waterfall. You wore beautiful shimmering silver flat shoes to dance easier in, despite them being hidden under the vastness of your gown. Backing away from the mirror, you blushed just looking at how gorgeous you appeared.

Prince of Oxford be damned, you were a _Queen_ , with or without _any_ man.

Oh, how _that_ would become the lie of the century. _Literally_. 

-

As you wandered into the noisy ballroom, you stared at the high ceilings, admiring the stunning architecture of the room, how the ceiling curved at the top, and the beautiful artwork present on every wall. You did your best to keep to yourself, but these efforts were meek and reduced to nothing.

Guests dressed in their finest dressings were seen in every direction, and they happily danced in pairs to the music playing. While the display was extremely elegant, you felt confident enough to meet Prince Beaumont as your parents had wished for you.

As you followed your mother to a part of the room where only conversation was taking place, you caught eyes with a man you presumed to be Alexander. This man was very tall, absolutely and unequivocally majestic, black hair framing his stunning, enrapturing face as you continued to observe his features. His prominent nose was considerably large, but you couldn't help but feel attracted to what uniqueness he possessed.

He had a light pink scar on his face, only adding to your wonder about him. 

His lips were very pink and plump, and they parted when he caught eyes with yours. His completely black suit caused him to exude great power and elegance. You gave him a smile as you continued to walk closer to him, blushing madly.

As you followed your mother, believing you were walking towards the most enchanting man in the room, she turned and led you to a table in a dimly lit corner.

An attractive young man wearing a white suit could be seen at a table, surrounded by many girls. Your mother spoke up, "This is Prince Alexander Beaumont of Oxford," she turned to you and happily chirped your name for him to hear, "And this is my daughter. She is considering you for your hand in marriage, your Royal Highness." The young girls looked at you with jealousy and envy, which you felt guilt for. These young women were pining for this man's attention, but _his_ attention was on _yours._

And that attention was the last thing you could have desired. 

You felt the sinking feeling again, because sure, this man was a Prince, and he was good-looking, but he did not compare to the undeniable force of a man you had just witnessed across the room moments ago.

You extended your hand to him as he stood up to greet you. "It is such an honor to meet you, Prince Alexander," you said, feigning happiness.

Your mother watched you intently as you conversed with the Prince for the next few minutes about your skills, talents, and hobbies. He was very interested in your life, however, you felt absolutely no chemistry with him. His words of kindness did not cause you to swoon, and his energy could not be more lackluster. Soon, your conversation with him died out, and you whispered to your mother that you were "surely not interested in this man."

She quipped, "Nonsense. He is a Prince, and by the looks of it, he believes you are a perfect bride." At the mention of this, he confidently got down on his knee, smirking with a strange desire as the girls around him continued glaring at you, yet were also gazing lovingly at Alexander.

Suddenly, as he crouched down, he uttered those four terrible words.

"Will you marry me?"

Just like that.

Even if you _wanted_ to marry him, you knew it was just too soon and felt wrong.

He pulled out a large, beautiful, but slightly ugly ring for you, and slid it on to your finger, but you felt tears well up in your eyes, and they were not of happiness. You felt sad, hurt, and betrayed by your own family. This man had only come to know you for twenty minutes and now you were supposed to wed him?

Sobbing quietly, you lifted your dress and began to hurry away from your mother and Alexander, ignoring your mother's pleas for you to return.

Suddenly, a large, dark figure stopped you at the door you were trying to exit. You looked up at him with teary eyes, sniffling, "Excuse me, sir, m-may I please get through?"

After the words escaped your lips, you realized this was the man you had gazed at across the ballroom. You tried to dry your tears, but he had already beat you to the task.

Pulling out a handkerchief, his large hand gently wiped away the tears on your face. This act alone was enough to render you speechless. You managed to let out a tiny remark, whispering, "Th-thank you, sir."

"Now, what is the matter, beautiful?" he queried, searching your face for an answer. You mentally took note of his deep American accent, how it dripped of honey, realizing he was very far from home.

"I was just proposed to, by a man I could never be convinced to marry! Oh, he's a Prince, very respected, but I will never love him!" you gushed, more tears spilling from your eyes.

"Hm."

"And my entire family wishes for me to marry him, I-I'm sure of it!"

"I see."

You sniffled, feeling like a silly teenager, "Oh, well, t-thank you for listening to my emotional nonsense, sir."

"A family that forces an unwanted marriage upon their daughter is no family at all," he comforted.

You nodded, agreeing with him, but continued sniffling. This time he gave you his handkerchief, enabling you to dry your tears completely.

As you handed the soft cloth back to him, he outstretched his hand, and asked, "May I have this dance?"

You blushed once again, smiling up at him, "Yes, sir, I would love nothing more."

"Wait!" you quickly remarked. "What is your name?"

"My name is Kylo Ren. I am known to many as Commander Kylo Ren of the First Order, a very confidential military branch that is located in the United States. We traveled overseas to England to complete a critical _mission_....in Oxford."

He sounded a bit unsure of those words, though. As though he had to think about them before speaking them.

_You brushed it off._

"How impressive. I've never heard of a man being a Commander. Most prestigious men are Princes or Dukes around here," rolling your eyes at the mention of _Princes_.

As much as you admired dressing up in fancy ball gowns, certain parts of royalty made you sick, especially now.

You introduced yourself to him, but it was just you. Not Princess or Duchess. Just you.

"Thank you. It is a pleasure to meet you," he admired, taking your hand and pressing his lips gently to the surface.

Feeling relieved and joyous, you took his hand as the slow dance number began playing. He held your hand with such grace, your feet working together and you both elegantly swayed and moved across the dance floor. When you caught a glance of them, your entire family was looking at you with disdain and disappointment.

Almost as if on cue, as if he could sense your worry, Ren pulled you closer, your waist up against his lower body, and you felt yourself growing incredibly aroused, face heating up once again as you recognized his movement as a small act of defiance against your family.

A feeling that could finally be shared with someone other than yourself.

Soon the music ended, and you were so close to him, heart rapidly pounding in your chest. He smelled exquisite: a powerful fragrance of leather, embers, white blossoms, and divine white musk. 

And during the entire dance number, he never let you leave his gaze.

You were still blushing, feeling such a powerful man welcome you into him without force, but with affection.

And somehow, he managed to pull you _closer_ to him as the music ended. He moved down to your face, beautiful lips parting once again. You stood on your tippy-toes as your mouths connected, your tongues dancing against each other. His lips were so soft and inviting, and you couldn't help but smile up at him as he pulled away from you, your cheeks furiously red and heated.

Everyone in the ballroom was staring in your direction, at you and this tall, beautiful man, completely in awe. Kissing usually does not happen during such proper celebrations.

Especially from young women such as yourself. You were modest, showing any sexual attraction to a man your family did not approve of first was disgraceful.

_Especially_ a man who was not your husband.

Your family was certainly cross; they were staring daggers into your soul.

Your mother's hair was slightly disheveled and her face was red, but with fury, and your father's arms were folded. He was clearly disappointed that his daughter would not accept such an honorable marriage proposal.

Your sisters would not even look at you, and Alexander had the expression one could compare to humiliation of the highest grade.

Soon, the guests in the ballroom continued their casual conversations, peeling their attention off of you. Ren took your hand once again and led you out of the room, sensing the seriously overwhelming tension your public display of affection had created.

He walked you to the tiny piano room next to the ballroom for some privacy.

"Is this yours?" Ren questioned as he pulled out a beautiful piece of jewelry you instantly recognized as Eleanor's necklace.

"Oh, yes, well, um, I mean no. It is my sister's necklace, sir. Where did you find it?" you curiously asked.

"Here," he spoke, pointing to the piano.

Realization dawned on you as you remembered Eleanor had been in the piano room practicing her music a few days before the ball.

"Oh right! She must have taken it off for some reason, and left it in here. She will be more relieved than you could imagine. Thank you so much, Commander Ren," you kindly affirmed to him, smiling once again.

"The pleasure is all mine."

A beat of comfortable silence.

“Do you play?” you queried. 

He affirmed, “Yes. I do.” 

“Sir, would you mind playing a piece for me? It would be an honor,” you wondered. This time truly would be an honor. He was a man worthy of your attention.

“No,” he replied. “I only play for those who are excellent acquaintances of mine.”

You frowned, crossing your arms. 

He continued, “And I have none.”

Realization dawned across your features once again. He had no acquaintances or anyone he was close to. Your heart sunk with sympathy. 

“I apologize, sir. Maybe someday, I will get to hear you play,” you said calmly. 

“Soon, Angel.” 

The depths of your soul softened into an unforgettable aurora of pleasure and joy after hearing him speak to you using such an engaging term of endearment. 

“Understood, sir.”

At this point you presumed the conversation was over, feeling puzzled at what to ask. Clearly piano was a sensitive subject. You decided that silence served you better. 

Almost as if he tried to stop himself from speaking, words still escaped his lips, voice falling to an even deeper baritone. Dark eyes boring into your soul. 

"In two days, meet me in this room at midnight. Come alone. I unquestionably must see you again."

Before you had the time to respond, Ren walked out of the door, cape billowing behind him, and was gone.

Your veins were on fire. He left you feeling shaken yet utterly dazzled. One thing was for sure, you knew it in your heart.

You were going to see him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Author's Note:** i hope you enjoy. this story is very special to me already.
> 
> This is my first time writing really anything in the world of fanfiction. I am relatively young in terms of other writers on this platform, and the Star Wars Cinematic Universe is the first fandom I am actively participating in. Constructive criticism is absolutely something I'm hoping for, but please be gentle. As most authors know, writing is very difficult. And personally, I'm quite sensitive to anything deliberately hurtful, not helpful, or discouraging.💌


	2. Chapter Two - Clandestine Affair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **While keeping it a secret from your family, you meet Ren in the piano room for an exhilarating experience...**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ **Chapter Song:** illicit affairs, by Taylor Swift](https://open.spotify.com/track/2NmsngXHeC1GQ9wWrzhOMf?si=J1hTnisyQImQh1EdOiZOFw) ♥️
> 
> _"Look at this idiotic fool that you made me  
>  You taught me a secret language  
> I can't speak with anyone else  
> And you know damn well  
> For you I would ruin myself  
> A million little times..." ___
> 
> **Chapter Warnings: explicit smut, fingering, male masturbation, no piv sex, inappropriate use of the force**

**Chapter II - Clandestine Affair**

**_01 October 1810_ **

A few minutes after Kylo left, you regained your composure, mind occupied and overflowing with a colossal ocean of emotions. He had danced with you, treated you like a princess, and comforted you during your emotionally charged outburst after Prince Alexander unjustifiably asked for your hand in marriage. 

Walking out into the corridor leading back to the ballroom, your hands were trembling, and every single one of your nerves was on fire. How would you explain your way out of such a stupid fucking situation? And now, _now_ you had to go _face_ your entire family, unsure of how they would even act around you. 

You found your family sitting at the table, instantly met with impertinent glances from at least ten guests in the vicinity. Alexander was nowhere to be found. Besides them, it seemed as though many people had left by this hour since it was quite late. 

“We are leaving for our home. At once,” your mother chirped as you were just beginning to take your seat. “After that _display_ of yours tonight, I will put up with no more of your foolery and disobedience to this family.” 

Feeling dejected, you complied with her request, as did your father and sisters. They were all upset with you, their emotions practically a persistent odor lingering in the air. 

Making your way out of the lavish room, into the dark corridor, outside onto the cobbled pathway leading to your comfortable home, and all the way through the small garden leading up to the steps, you briefly wondered how you would meet Commander Ren in two days. 

Stepping into your home, you decided words were of no use. You decided to head up the stairs immediately with the hope your family would be in a better state of mind come dawn. 

You left Eleanor’s necklace on a dresser adjacent to the staircase. 

“Before you go to bed, you must know that tomorrow you will be apologizing to Prince Alexander over breakfast in the morning,” your father finally spoke. “We invited him over as he came into town for _you_. Make sure you are dressed modestly, and you must wear the wedding ring.” 

You felt a small pang of guilt riddle your heart after he spoke. You had caused such a scene with Ren during your _father’s_ fiftieth birthday celebration. 

Your sisters looked at you, saying nothing, their facial expressions resembling a mix of both disappointment and remorse for your situation. _Would they have a marriage forced upon them, too?_

You nodded to your family, but internally you remained angry and betrayed. Not once were _your_ feelings ever considered. 

You lifted your dress, slowly making your way up the stairs as your family dispersed to the family room and/or their respective rooms. You went into the bathroom and changed out of your dress, putting on a comfortable nightgown. Then, you took the flowers out of your hair and put your strands into a loose ponytail so you could wash off your gorgeous makeup, brush your teeth, and go to sleep. 

Grabbing your book from the nightstand, you crawled into bed. 

About twenty minutes later, Eleanor walked into your room, pulling you away from your novel. 

“Where did you find my necklace? I just asked Louisa, and she wasn't the one who found it,” she questioned, holding the pretty string of diamond jewels in her hands. She uttered your name. "So it must have been you."

“Ah, that wonderful man I was dancing with had found it in the piano room,” you responded, not wanting this to continue. You looked back into your book, shifting around. 

But you could sense her bubbly excitement from a million damn kilometers away, and of course, she was ready to question you about how you felt towards him. 

“Oh my gosh! Who was he? You two looked _ravishing_ dancing together. Everyone watching you was _jealous_ ,” she squeaked, trying to suppress a smile. 

You sighed, closing your book. At least your entire family wasn’t angry, and you had your beautiful sister to trust. 

“His name is Kylo Ren, Commander Kylo Ren—” you stopped and tried to remember what the military bureau that he was affiliated with was, continuing, “o-of the First Order, that’s what it is called. And, Eleanor, get this: he of _American_ nationality.” You smiled, looking down at your fingers and picking at them. 

“American! That is wonderful. I sincerely hope mother and father come to their senses,” she happily whispered. 

You silently agreed, trying to hide your feelings. “I’m seeing him in two days. At midnight in our piano room.” 

Eleanor’s face twisted into an expression of shocked excitement. “No. Way!” 

“Yes, but _shh!_ You must quiet down. I am going in secret, alone. Tell no one anything of this. Especially mother and father.” 

“Alright. I promise, your secret is safe with me.” 

You grinned widely. 

"But you know you can always trust me, right?" she asked. 

You pondered for a moment, unable to shake the feeling of feeling deceived and heartbroken by everyone. "Of course, Eleanor. Thank you for always being so kind."

She had that look on her face, the same one she possessed when she stepped into your room. “Would you reckon he wants to make love to you?” 

Your eyes grey wide and you blushed while you briefly imagined his large frame on top of you, thrusting gently as you moaned softly into his powerful embrace. Instead, you retorted, “Don’t be silly, sister! He is a gentle, respectful man and will do nothing of the sort,” you assured her. What an utterly inappropriate subject matter. 

Nonetheless, something inside you hoped that you were lying. 

She eventually stopped bombarding you with questions. “Oh, alright then. I will leave you to your novel. Goodnight. Thank you again, or rather, thank him, for my necklace.” 

“You’re very welcome. Goodnight,” you whispered. She winked before making a swift exit from your room, ensuring to shut your door. 

All this time, your thoughts were still racing like a stampede of bulls, but you felt thoroughly exhausted. Once your head hit the pillow, you drifted into blissful sleep. Kylo's words rang in your mind as though they were the most beautiful symphony of music you had the pleasure of hearing. His voice was like honey, trickling into your little soul. 

_‘I unquestionably must see you again.’_

-

**_02 October 1810_**

“Please get up at once,” your mother spoke.

You were just waking up, feeling groggy, and wanting nothing to do with that irritating Prince Alexander, especially during breakfast. 

_Ugh, gag me with a spoon. His pristine, royal ass._

You lazily got up from your comfortable bed and made your way to the refresher, deciding on a flowery sundress and hat. And of course, the disgustingly large and expensive ring. 

Downstairs, the air smelled of delicious pancakes and bacon, and voices could be heard from outside. The back door was propped open with a book, your family enjoying breakfast outside. 

Collecting your food onto a plate and grabbing utensils, you meandered onto the balcony. The fresh, morning October air allowed you to breathe in complete glory. 

“Good morning, nice to see you joining us on this fine morning,” your father kindly remarked. 

“The pleasure is completely mine,” you feigned graciousness, noticing Alexander at the table, “and Prince Alexander, I apologize for my actions at my father’s ball last night. You had completely overwhelmed me with your propos—” 

Your mother cut you off, beaming at your admission of wrongness. “Thank you for apologizing, darling. What she is trying to say is that she fully and genuinely accepts your amiable marriage proposal.” 

It was at this moment you were hit with an invisible sheet of ice, your breath catching in your throat. But you were not going to cry, not yet. This was a time to keep your emotions in check, although marrying this blonde-haired, conceited mockery of a Prince was the last thing you could have ever yearned for. 

Instead, you started, “How lovely! When are we to wed?” 

_Oh, dear. This is so unlike me._

Your mother and father silently admired your newfound manners as they enjoyed breakfast. Louisa looked confused as a result of your actions, while Eleanor seemed to pick up on what you were doing immediately, thanks to your shared camaraderie. 

Prince Alexander began, “We are to wed in two weeks, outside in your family’s beautiful garden. Then, we will be traveling by carriage back to my large, luxurious stately home in Oxford. And of course, you will be reigning over Britain by my side. As Princess.”

His tone was very posh, excessively haughty, and annoyingly complacent pertaining to his role within the government.

Bile rose up into your throat, but you caught it from spilling out into your fucking pancakes with a painful gulp. 

He slipped you a small card with a written address to his home so you could become acquainted with it. _7892 Albert Drive, Southampton, Oxford._ His tone was very monotonous, yet snobbish at the mention of his immense riches. Mortifyingly, he seemed as disinterested as _you_ in this marriage. 

_Like, what the fuck?_

“Wonderful! Thank you so much, Alexander,” you responded. He gave you a curt smile but looked overwhelmingly bored.

_Men and their emotions._

“Prince Alexander will be staying in our guest room upstairs until you both are married,” your mother declared. She seemed so determined to get her daughter to marry this insufferable man. It must give her an inebriating rush of serotonin to be able to allow a Prince into her home and have him interested in her daughter. You simply nodded, professing feelings of delight.

Breakfast continued with not a single interruption. You could do this; you could marry Alexander if it would please your family. 

You could do this.

Hm. But, still, the biggest question haunted you as you stood firm with your decision.

_But can I do this?_

\- 

You just hoped your family hadn't noticed. You hoped they hadn’t noticed the way you went silent during the days. How little joy the Prince brought you. The way your face looked as you began thinking of Kylo Ren and his dark, inscrutable exterior. How your thoughts went into the fucking gutter thinking of him. And you could not explain _why_ or _how_ he possessed this space in your mind, rent-free. 

He just _did_. 

So, during your alone time that day, while your family had gone out with Alexander to show him around your town called Abergele Market in Hertfordshire, you had told them you would begin thinking of wedding dresses before eventually going to pick one up. 

Instead, you planned how you’d sneak into the piano room, an attempt to go undetected. If you stalled long enough, maybe you wouldn't need a damn dress anyway. 

Your family’s main estate was medium-sized, and your family was relatively wealthy, but simultaneously, you were not pouring out immense riches. You liked to think of your wealth as just below being considered definitive royalty. Your main home had two stories, with ladders, or fire exits, leading out from all of the windows in case of emergency. Your room was located upstairs, along with a bathroom, and the guest room. Your parents and sisters slept in rooms on the first floor.

The entire house had slightly blue-painted walls in the kitchen, the downstairs bedrooms were painted white, and yours and the guest room was a beige color. There was a large garden outside, beautiful trees, flowers, shrubs, and plants everywhere. It was extremely vibrant, almost possessing a sense of magic. There were benches scattered throughout the inside of the garden for sitting or reading on. It was almost like a small labyrinth except with one cobbled path, leading straight to the second building on your family’s property. 

A small, wooden door was the first thing you were met with at the end of the garden pathway. Guests attending your family’s celebrations would enter through this way, as well. Opening this door, you would find a small corridor lit with torches and candles, with relatively high ceilings with arches leading to two stunning French doors at the end. Through those doors, the ballroom was located. 

It truly was a beautiful room, and the ceilings were decorated with winsome art. However, your family’s ballroom was rather austere compared to other estates you’d visited in the past, for previous potential husbands. Adjacent to the two French doors you would find a small piano room, about the size of your bedroom, fashioned with a piano and bench. Its purpose served as a practice room as opposed to using the grand piano in the ballroom. You guessed it also served as a room for meeting _men_ in secret. 

So this was the journey you would take to get to him. However, it was rather unusual that the ballroom wasn't inside your home. Having to go outside to get there seemed ridiculous, but you enjoyed the magical feelings it created inside of you. Sneaking away in complete secret, about to do something you surely weren't supposed to do was something that made you feel more alive than you'd felt in your entire life.

_I will leave forty-five minutes past eleven, sneaking out of my room through the window, down the ladder._

You ended up giggling with Eleanor about the subject matter, admiring how comfortable she was with you breaking serious rules, and she would end up covering for you if your mother discovered your whereabouts. 

\- 

Everyone in your home had gone to sleep, while you were awake in your room, anxiously eyeing the clock and tapping your foot. You showered, made sure your hair looked pretty, cleaned yourself, put perfume on, and finished with a casual, dark nightgown. This time, your usual routine was much more elaborate as you entertained the possibility Ren wanted to do intimate activities with you. 

Of course, you removed your engagement ring with a giggle. _Stupid Alexander._

Once you were ready and the clock read fifteen minutes to midnight, you collected yourself, opened the window, climbed down the ladder, and ran into the garden and down the path. Unbeknownst to you, Eleanor had closed your window shortly after you left to prevent chilly air from entering the home and waking your parents. 

Finally, you stopped running, opting to walk, and opened the door to the corridor. Your heart was pounding, body shaking with every step as you came closer to the doors. You turned left as you reached them, opening the little door to the piano room, closing it behind you. The room was darker this time, no lights were turned on. Instead, you found pretty candles lit on the piano, the only source of illumination. 

And you found Ren sitting on the piano bench, exuding an aura different than what he had shown you the night you danced. 

He was wearing a large helmet and mask, completely disarming you, covering his gorgeous hair, wearing an all-black suit once again, but not a tuxedo. His clothing looked nothing like you had seen men traditionally wear; it was a completely black ensemble with a large band wrapped around his center. His dark robes draped down his back perfectly, and he was still wearing a cape, although this one was much longer, along with large, black boots, completely taking you by surprise. 

Immediately overtaken with a loss of words and utterly speechless, you took particular notice in his hands, how his fingers were wrapped in divine, thick leather gloves. 

“Ah, so we meet again, little one,” he spoke. His voice was modulated through something in his mask. Deep, and commanding. 

“Y-yes. Nice to m-meet you again, s-sir,” you squeaked out, a mix of fear and arousal coursing through your veins. 

“How have you been?” he implored, standing up from the piano bench, walking towards you, lightly caressing your cheek. 

Face heating up at his actions, you responded, trying not to look at him, knowing he was gazing into your soul, “Um, you know. Okay, I guess. Per the request of my family, I’m to wed Prince Alexander in two weeks’ time.” You looked down at your feet, shifting uncomfortably. 

“I see.” He looked around the room briefly, removing his hand from your cheek.

“And I’ve convinced my entire family I’m okay with it, that he is a man I have come to desire when he is the last man on this Earth I could ever wish to marry. My family is insufferable in making my misery their reality,” you whispered, finally letting your true emotions run free. 

His sweet voice uttered your name. “I am not worried.” He took a step closer, and continued, “I can sense your desire and emotions pouring out from you like sweet syrup, beautiful.” 

A short pause.

“And Angel, you smell utterly _intoxicating_.” You could hear Ren groan from behind his mask. 

You were trembling at his words; he was so close to you. You could feel the heat radiating off of him, could feel your body betraying you. Your _mind_ knew that you were not to engage in any sexual contact with a man unless you were married to him, but as your _pussy_ was tingling delightfully, you desperately wanted to be touched by him. 

You caught a small whimper in your throat, feeling your cunt clench at the thought of him. 

“Just know that from now on, my sweet Angel, I will take you whenever I want, however, I want, and wherever I want,” Kylo purred into your ear.

“Now strip, slut. Sit on the piano bench and spread your legs.” 

“Y-yes, sir,” you whined. 

You could feel his erection as he pressed into your belly, backing you into the wall. His delightful aroma filled your lungs, dumbfounding your cognitive senses. He moved away slightly so you could remove your shoes, then underwear. 

You nervously walked to the piano and took a seat, closing your legs. 

“I said _strip_. Remove your dress,” he demanded. 

Your trembling hands lifted your dress above your upper body, exposing your tummy to the chilly air in the small room. Finally, you removed your brassiere, completely and utterly naked. You turned away from him, looking at the floor, ready to cry, with every insecurity that had run through your mind rushing to the surface. 

Kylo locked the door so nobody could get in, that is, if anyone tried, then stalked over to you, his footsteps swift and heavy. He crouched down so he was below you. You could not see them, but you could feel his eyes were staring into your very existence, tearing apart your soul shred by shred. 

“Spread those legs, slut. Let me see how wet I’ve made you.” 

This version of Kylo was opposite to the version you met two days ago. He danced so gracefully with you, holding you with incredible care. He was respectful and kind, but you figured if he were to touch you in _this_ manner, in front of _everyone_ in the ballroom, your parents would have sent you to another fucking continent. 

You didn’t know it yet, but Ren had to be careful in public with the girl he desired, and couldn't let anyone know the _things_ he wanted to do to you. 

Your trembling was erratic now, you had chills running up your spine whilst sweat broke out on your brow. This mix of fear, combined with his rich, full voice, sent a rush of arousal to your cunt, heightening your sensitivity. 

Slowly, very slowly, you spread your legs, watching him as you did so. Your eyes watering with fear. Kylo adjusted himself, removing his cock from the confines of his leather pants. As your pussy became visible to him and you saw him stroking his cock, both of you let out small moans at the sight of each other. 

Kylo groaned, “You like this, don’t you?” 

_“Ohhhh_ yes, Kylo,” you moaned, reaching down to your pussy to tease yourself, feeling how much you were dripping while looking at him. You’d never felt sexual excitement before Kylo, the feeling incredibly exhilarating. 

He got down on his knees, cock bobbing up to his abdomen, tip soaked with precum. He moved his large fingers, still with the leather gloves on, to your pussy, shoving your tiny hand away. 

“Keep your hands behind your back,” he murmured. Once his index finger made contact with your wetness, he continued, “Fuck, angel. This virgin pussy is so tight,” slipping his finger in further. 

You were taken aback, whimpering, “H-how do y-you know I’m a v-virgin, sir?” 

“I can hear your thoughts.” 

At that, you were confused, not understanding how he could _read_ your mind. However, these thoughts were quickly pushed away as he began thrusting his finger rapidly inside and out, squelching noises reverberating around the room. You moaned wantonly, eyes closing, unable to form a sentence as the delightful friction from his large, leathery fingers overcame your senses. 

“Look at me,” Kylo snarled. You opened your eyes, every exhale of yours a moan, catching a glimpse of him tugging his cock, groaning deeply through his mask. 

He murmured, “Can only fit one finger in this cunt,” as he tried using two fingers. 

This is the part things became very intense for you as you felt an interesting sensation swirling on your clit, causing a strange warmth to rise in your tummy. You could see it was not his fingers but were too far gone to even care how he was doing that. 

At last, he stopped stroking himself with his fist, and instead began thrusting into the air, you could see it as if he was fucking a cocksleeve, his hips undulating deliciously. 

At first, you were confused but then realized that whatever energy he was using on your clit he was now doing to _himself_. 

He reached up and kneaded your breasts with one hand, alternating every few seconds, pinching your nipples, causing you to moan and whimper. 

“Fuck,” he moaned your name, looking into your folds, marveling at how your pussy swallowed his finger. “I’m going to cum, slut.” 

You were a spluttering mess, body shaking from the sheer pleasure, and how erotic this situation felt. Soon, the beginning of your climax hit you in waves, until it completely shattered you. 

As your head fell back, you screamed, with your arms outstretching onto the bench behind you as your back arched, pussy quivering and fluttering around his thrusting finger. And the strange, but incredible sensation overwhelming your tiny bundle of nerves. 

Kylo watched you, your intense climax sending him over the edge. His body shuddered, muscles flexing through the fabric of his clothing as his cock spilled his cum in thick ropes onto the floor beneath the bench, his orgasm wholly overwhelming him. 

He removed his finger from your wet core, the thick digit exiting with a wet pop. You closed your legs and laid on the bench, taking a moment to fully comprehend what the hell just happened. You felt post-orgasm euphoria nearly buzzing you to sleep. 

Kylo was breathing heavily through his mask, composing himself, putting his length back into his pants, the subtle noise of his zipper sounding around the room. After that, he stood up once more, and you turned so you could watch what he was going to do. 

You watched as he wiped his cum from the floor, gathering it on his fingers. 

At some point, he required your attention, snapping you out of your blissful reverie. 

“Clean my fingers of our spend,” he groaned, standing up to walk towards your face. 

You sat up, closing your legs. You opened your mouth to accommodate his leather-clad fingers, sucking off your combined arousal. 

It was lewd, how easily he had made you break under his touch. 

Without even being asked, you stood up, walking around him, and licked up the small pool of your wetness that had gathered on the bench, making sure to look at him while doing so. 

Reality began to set in, your cognitive function returning. You stood up, covering your body, knowing you were still naked, blushing madly. You started, “Kylo, please take off your mask. Ca-can I see you?” 

He watched you intently, still on his knees, as though he was considering what you had asked. 

He moved his hands to his mask, the sound of air releasing with a click. He pulled the mask from his head, setting it on the floor. His hair was a bit messy, but nonetheless adorable. In the dim light of the piano room, you could see his cheeks were flustered.

Lips swollen, begging to be kissed. 

You crawled over to him, lowering yourself down onto his lap because he was kneeling, wrapping your legs around his waist. You put your hand up to his cheek, admiring the scar that was there, tracing it with your finger. Then, you continued on to his hair, gently tucking a few strands behind his ear. 

Oh heavens, he was mesmerizing. You felt like you could sit like this forever. 

“That-that was incredible. _How—"_ you stopped, thinking about how you could ask him, _“how_ did you do _that?_ Like, you know, when you touched me,” referring to the strange sensation he allowed you to feel without touching you. 

“I have _many_ secrets, little girl,” he replied, his deep, natural voice enrapturing you. “And if you thought that was incredible, just _wait_ until I’m inside of you.” 

He moved closer, tugging your body to his, “But not tonight. We both know my cock is too big for you right now. That little pussy is too tight for me. But soon, angel. Soon,” he purred into your ear. 

Your face heated up intensely, trying to comprehend what his secrets were, but also because you’d never thought you would encounter a man so possessive, the events of this night proving just that. His naughty words intoxicated the last of your senses. 

How he’d called you a slut, how you’d made him come as he somehow fucked an invisible hole in the air while fingering you. As he heard your thoughts somehow, he pulled you into him, lips colliding together once again. This time your kiss was full of passion and fire, wet tongues fighting for dominance in the other’s mouth. He groaned into your mouth as you moaned into him. 

Pulling away, you whispered, still blushing, “I-I have to go, sir.” 

He said nothing as you pulled yourself from him, observing you as you pulled your underwear on, clasped your bra, lifted your dress over your body, and slipped your shoes on. 

“Wait.” 

Kylo got up before you unlocked the door, gently placing his hands on your hips, stroking up and down. You stopped, hearing the piano begin to play of its own accord. You turned to face him as he walked to the piano and sat down, the keys moving. He closed his eyes, his features focusing, his gorgeous hair falling over his face. 

You assumed he was playing the piano using whatever strange energy he had pleasured you and himself with. The beautiful composition was your favorite song on the piano, causing your heart to swell in joy. His rendition of it was almost better. 

“Awww! You are playing for me, how beautiful!” you gushed, scampering over to sit next to him and watch him play. Your little behaviors caused his face to turn pink again. He opened his eyes, caressing your cheek in admiration. Now, he must have felt a connection with you because only a few days ago, he would not play. Once he finished the song, he kissed your cheek gently, wrapping his arms around your waist as you sat together on the piano bench. 

You collapsed into him, burying the side of your face into his chest, listening to his heartbeat. He was so warm and gentle. After a long while of him just holding you, you stood up, kissing his forehead. 

“I’ll see you soon, sweetheart.” 

You smiled at his words, not knowing truly _how_ you would get to see him again, but instead, you just had a wonderful _feeling,_ something telling you that he would live up to this promise. 

\- 

And so there you went, running down the corridor, through the garden, and up the ladder leading to your room. You got inside safe and sound. Thus far, there was not a single peep to be heard in the house, nor was there a single candle lit that could indicate your family members to be awake. 

You looked at yourself in the mirror for a moment, noticing how your face was flushed, silently blessing the stars that nobody saw you. 

As you laid down on your bed preparing for sleep, your heart was whirring with the joys of forbidden love, how it had begun to drive you mad with a fervent wildness for Commander Ren.

_In modern terms, you would call this feeling "butterflies."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Author's Note:** i hope u guys liked this chapter! lots of passion, and there's more where that came from!! for real this time, the next chapter will likely not be up for at least a week, maybe longer. truly pouring my heart into this, i really hope you like where it's going!! love you all <3 ♥️
> 
> This is my first time writing really anything in the world of fanfiction. I am relatively young in terms of other writers on this platform, and the Star Wars Cinematic Universe is the first fandom I am actively participating in. Constructive criticism is absolutely something I'm hoping for, but please be gentle. As most authors know, writing is very difficult. And personally, I'm quite sensitive to anything deliberately hurtful, not helpful, or discouraging.💌


	3. Chapter Three - He Could Never Tell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **It turns out you can stand up for yourself. Kylo Ren is a man infatuated.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ **Chapter Song:** stupid deep, by Jon Bellion](https://open.spotify.com/track/7cK7hDrE7vAesPf8xd5zmb?si=ZUnqO-kZRJG-8Rl4bpaqWA) ♥️
> 
> _"What if who I hoped to be was always me?  
>  And the love I fought to feel was always free?  
> What if all the things I've done  
> Were just attempts at earning love? Yeah  
> 'Cause the hole inside my heart is stupid deep  
> Oh, stupid deep..."_
> 
> **Chapter Warnings: more mentions of arranged marriage, female masturbation, kylo masturbation pov**

**Chapter III - He Could Never Tell**

_**03 October 1810** _

You woke up the next morning, feeling abundantly refreshed. 

But your mind was spinning with so many questions about your enchanting affair with Kylo. He had awakened a part of your soul that you didn’t know was there until he was. 

_Intense lust, uncontrollable desire, radiating passion, and unnerving beauty._

You could not stop thinking about how incredible he made you feel, you could not explain why these feelings were there, and you could not make them go away, no matter how hard you tried. 

You definitely could not stop wondering about _what_ exactly, or _how_ exactly, he had caused you to come so deliciously while using some sort of powerful energy. 

Albeit these many questions, something deep in your gut told you that everything happening with Kylo was right. It just _was_. 

You believed in your Maker, but despite not being the most religious person, the feeling of looking into Kylo’s eyes was like glimpsing into Heaven.

Sighing and feeling wholly embarrassed at what naughty things you were going to do, you slipped your fingers into your undergarments and found your special bud. A moan escaped your lips as you thought of him once again, of him inside of you and what having his cock inside of you would feel like. 

"Ohhh, Kylo," you whimpered, feeling yourself getting close to the new feeling of an orgasm crashing through your body. Your fingers on your other hand shifted to your pussy lips, and you massaged the wet skin around your hole before inserting a finger. You put your hand over your mouth to ensure nobody could hear your sighs and groans of pleasure before you started shaking involuntarily. With a strong passion, you furiously rubbed your clitoris for only about two more minutes until you were exploding with unbridled ecstasy, and the only person you were imagining doing this to you was Commander Ren. You saw stars dance across your vision as you struggled to hold in your moans, never wanting to stop cumming all over yourself. 

Never wanting to face reality. 

But sadly, your orgasm did subside, and you let out a satisfied exhale, putting your pillow over your face and smiling like a complete idiot. Whatever hormones rushed through your body after masturbating made you want to go run through a field of beautiful flowers, just inexplicably and intensely happy. 

Just as you were fully waking up and making yourself decent, Eleanor walked into your room, smirking at you. 

“So,” she began. “How was last night? You must tell me all of the details!” 

You began, "Very, very wonderful. We talked about each other and I got to know him some more. He plays piano exquisitely.” You vividly remembered your earth-shattering orgasm, _and_ you tried to ignore the one you'd just given to yourself.

“Awww, how sweet! He sounds like a true gentleman. I wish I could understand why mother and father don’t wish for you to marry him instead,” she confessed. 

Honestly, you had no idea why your parents had such a strong hate for Kylo. They didn’t even know his name, only saw you dancing with him at the ball. You guessed they had their hearts so set on you marrying Prince Alexander, considering one random man for your marriage—with whom you shared one intimate dance with—wasn’t worth their energy. 

You and Eleanor walked downstairs for breakfast that morning. Despite being two young, mature women, you were giggling together like little girls about your secret lover, speculating about the future. 

You eventually gave in to your excitement and told Eleanor how he touched you last night, and it felt as if he gave you a piece of sweet euphoria. 

You made sure to include that he didn’t yet have sex with you. 

She incoherently blubbered, freaking out about this information. What an incredibly rebellious sister did she have. 

And you swore you could have died of laughter when Eleanor gave Alexander the most ridiculous fucking expression as she took her seat at the table next to you, but he wasn’t paying attention. 

“Good morning, honey,” Alexander said, pouring a glass of orange juice for you. You pulled yourself from your hilarious, secret gossip with your sister. He handed you the cup and you sipped. 

“Hello, Alexander. Nice to see you,” you said, smiling, only genuinely grateful for the juice and waffles you were about to consume. 

Your entire family was present at the table, as they were every morning. Your mother greeted you, “How did you sleep last night?” She _seemed_ happy, for once. 

“I slept wonderfully, mother!” you happily replied. Almost _too_ enthusiastic. Eleanor smirked at you, knowing the truth behind your excited little white lie. 

“That’s quite interesting, considering I heard troublesome footsteps from your room late last night,” your mother continued. “One could assume you weren’t in your bed. Asleep.” 

You internally screamed, memories of the previous night causing you to subtly blush and fidget in your seat. Still, you remained, calm. Nonchalant. Confident. “Ah, mother. Nonsense. I’d do nothing of the sort.” 

She glared at you, sipping from her cup. Gosh, that woman was relentless in your suffering. 

Alexander continued to stare at you in a way that made you annoyed. His stupid fucking face annoyed you. You continued assuredly, “I had simply gone for a walk through the garden as I was having trouble sleeping, you see.” 

Everyone surrounding you at the table, including your father, seemed satisfied with your response. Your mother, however, was not falling for your feeble claims. 

“Hmmm,” she started. “So, if what you're saying is true, you went on a walk for nearly _two_ hours, then?” 

_How could she know how long you’d been gone?_

“You had better not be sneaking around with anyone, especially that Commander Ren in which Mr. Beaumont has informed your father and I about. Remember? That _terrible_ man you decided to dance with,” she scowled. 

Your face turned pale out of shock. 

Alexander said, “Ah, yes. Ren is an extremely evil man. He has committed an extreme amount of crimes throughout Britain. And he is currently planning something utterly wicked as we speak. Under my rule, once I can get legislation passed, he will be punished to the highest extent of the law. Likely execution,” he looked at you, a terrifying glint of mania in his eyes. 

This surely was news to you. As surprising as it was, you weren’t going to trust Alexander so quickly. 

“Why are you telling me this _now?_ How was he allowed into my father’s ball?” 

Alexander continued, “I invited him there to speak with him. We have some unfinished... _business.”_

Your mind began to spin, more questions being raised by the second. 

Still, you brushed your family’s and Alexander’s concerns off, _“Yes,_ everyone. For the last time, I went for a walk in the garden. I am a young _woman_. This is the _last_ time you will be owed an explanation. I needed to clear my mind and simply think for a while. _Alone.”_

Your father threw his fork down onto the table with obvious anger. “Don’t you dare talk in such a manner to your mother! How thoroughly disrespectful,” he reprimanded. “She is simply concerned regarding your whereabouts and is always worried for your safety.” 

While you felt a sudden pang of guilt for your mother, you knew she desperately wanted to catch you not following her exact rules, all with the guise of caring for your safety. 

You looked at your nearly empty plate, “I apologize, mother. I will be sure to stay in my room from now on.” 

“As you should,” your mother retorted. “If I ever find out you may be up to something or disobeying this family, Mr. Beaumont would be more than happy to remain with you at all times, _including_ while you sleep.” 

You nodded understandingly while your heart fell to the floor, feeling completely trapped in an invisible prison. While the thought of Alexander being in your bed while you sleep to ensure you don’t sneak out was vomit-fucking-inducing, you simply remained calm. 

Now your family would be used to the feeling of hiding your emotions. Your intentions. 

Breakfast continued relatively peacefully. You could feel Eleanor looking at you out of the corner of her eye, attempting to make sure you were doing alright in the midst of such a complex situation. 

You looked back at her, giving her a weak smile, your eyes conveying a message that was something like, _"it is what it is."_

Across the table, your fiancé happily took your hand into his, admiring the ring on your finger. You blushed, but not because of Alexander. Your memories suddenly pulled you back to last night. You remembered Kylo’s hands, so large and gentle and warm. Alexander’s were smaller. Colder. Clammy. 

He smiled at you, whispering lowly, but still so everyone could hear, “This diamond is the finest in all of England. Worth nearly six-thousand pounds, darling.” You spit out your orange juice, it getting all over the table and your food, startling your family members. 

That ring was worth double the price your parents paid for your home, including the small ballroom.

You started, voice shaking, "W-what? Mr. Beaumont, you are giving me a diamond ring worth s-six thousand pounds?

You started trembling, fearing nearly everything that had happened suddenly changed, that maybe your plan wouldn't work after all, that maybe you were destined for torture all along. 

This man was willing to give such a large fortune to a girl who never wanted this. 

Your parents remained in a state of shock, paralyzed with disbelief at the exceedingly high price tag of your ring. 

Your confidence rushed back to you. You stared at the ring incredulously, voice directed to Alexander, “Now, sir, if you would please explain what goodness I’ve done for me to deserve this? I mean, we’ve only known each other for a few days. What in this world were you thinking?” 

"Well, to be completely honest, I would only give such an expensive ring to a beautiful girl I can share my riches with. After all, you are nice looking, and when people see us together, they will not be able to forget _my_ name."

He subtly pushed out his chest in such a proud, extravagant manner, “I am _the_ Prince Alexander Beaumont of Oxford, and of course, how could they not remember me when I have this girl next to me, showing off my wealth. It is but a dream come true, darling,” he finished, raising his glass, looking at you with such a devilish grin. 

All he cared about was your “pretty face” to aid him in proving to others of his wealth. You would be nothing to him but a trophy, a woman he would be able to fuck whenever he pleased. Nonetheless, you were absolutely shocked that you were being used simply for your body. 

At this point, you had had enough. 

It came out quicker than you could help. 

“No.” 

Everyone at the table fell silent, all possessing looks of utter disbelief and hidden, simmering anger. And so you continued, unbothered by the dense, suffocating air in the room. 

You began again, tone perfectly reasonable, “My dear family,” you turned to Alexander quickly before glancing back to everyone else, “You have attempted to force me into this marriage with this man, if you could even call him a _man_. He feels nothing for me.”

“I can sense it when he gazes into my eyes, he’s like a soulless monster. He simply wants to use me as a cheap token to display his riches, and soon use my body as he pleases, and that is all. So what I say next should come as no surprise. Whatever anger you may hold towards me, I feel tenfold towards you.” 

Once again, you paused. 

“And surely, you know that everything I have said is the complete truth. You only want him to marry me for his money.”

With that, you gently removed the ugly, heavy ring, tossing it on Alexander’s plate with a clang. His face was glowing red and you could practically feel the fucking anger radiating off of him. You then stood up, and walked away, through the hallway, and out into the comforting garden with grace, more than confident with your decision. 

You desperately needed time away from your family and that insufferable man. When you returned to your house later that night, your parents would be incredibly angry with you. They would reprimand you for disrespecting Mr. Beaumont in such a manner, yet this time, you would not apologize for your decision. 

Days would pass before your family would even consider speaking to you. 

\- 

Commander Kylo Ren of the First Order was a force to be reckoned with. People rarely crossed him, for if they did, they would be met with either the termination of their post, or their life. 

And military work was absolutely no joking matter. Ren was responsible for many infiltrative operations in the United States, and per the request of his superior, Leader Snoke, he was to go to Great Britain for what would prepare him for his _most_ important mission yet.

-

Supreme Leader Snoke ordered Ren to lead the First Order to completely infiltrate all of Britain, similarly to the way the Order took over the entire United States and was now being run as a tyrannical dictatorship. 

Yet, Ren was only a man, albeit extremely strong, brave, and, well, _commanding_. This would be the most important thing he would have to do. 

For nearly this entire time, it’s been his sole responsibility to stage a coup and overthrow the British government, particularly Prince Alexander Beaumont of Oxford. Ren knew so much about Beaumont through information obtained through confidential files from Snoke. 

To the public, Prince Beaumont was highly respected, esteemed, and cherished for his sense of leadership throughout Oxford and the surrounding regions. He had light blonde hair, prominent facial features, and a relatively strong physique. He was the ultimate cliche of a powerful nobleman. 

To Supreme Leader Snoke, Beaumont was merely an obstacle in his way, and Ren was his pawn. 

However, Commander Kylo Ren of the First Order knew the complete and whole truth. He knew more than the public and his superior. Prince Beaumont was an utterly diabolical man who was found to have raped ten women throughout his time ruling as Prince, and all of them were proved. 

The women were traumatized and had bodily evidence of harm, and shockingly, their testimonies had been consistent with Beaumont’s recollections. 

And that was just scratching the surface. 

Yet, due to his immense power, he forced all of that to be kept secret and threatened everyone that got in his way, or worse. All the while the public revered such scum of a man. 

But, the worst would be yet to come. 

Only two short days ago, Ren had seen her walk across the ballroom, and it was completely and utterly _over_. 

His plans, his mission, his position, his title—it was all gone the second he caught eyes with her. 

Her beautiful figure floored him, and her face was burned into his memory. Her eyes were innocent, yet so very confident, and she just had the most beautiful hair. _And oh, her smile._ How her smile was bright enough to dull even the brightest stars. He felt lucky to have been at the Williams' ball at the time he was, for he had no idea such a beautiful girl would be there, waiting for him. Waiting to be saved. He had been attempting to get to her, or at least someone like her forever, and now that he finally did, his soul felt partially completed. She was the one he'd been searching tirelessly for all this time. 

She was _the one._

_My precious, sweet, innocent Angel. All fucking mine._

The first moment she walked up to him, he was caught by surprise. She hadn't been paying attention and walked right into him, tears streaming from her face and small whimpers escaping her lips. 

And when she mentioned Beaumont’s name, it took everything inside of Ren to not explode in a flurry of sheer anger. That narcissistic, evil bastard had thought it would be a good idea for him to get close to her?

Despite the anger, he buried his true feelings deep within himself while he was with her and dried her tears. That night, something primal overtook him as he danced with her and he just knew he had to see her again.

And oh, how exquisitely did he see her. 

He was the first man to see her body yesterday, he was the first man to hear her moans, and they sounded like the most beautiful song created in all of his stupid existence. And when she came, her wet pussy quivering around his finger, he swore he saw angels come down from Heaven. Ren knew then he had to have her, and oh, how he got so close to being inside of her. 

But his Angel was so sweet, so kind, so innocent. He knew he had to be gentle. A man such as Ren, as strong as he was, would not be able to control himself if he decided to go too far with her. 

She would never know it, but it was for this precise reason, that for the first time in many years, he was slowly jerking his cock while laying in his bed, awake during the late hours of the night. 

He wondered how wonderful her little, pink pussy would feel around his thick length, being able to feel her spasm deliciously around him. Kylo began whimpering as those arousing fucking thoughts flooded his mind. 

It took _everything_ in him to not leave his bedroom and fucking split her open.

He wanted her pretty mouth to suck him off, imagining how he would have to _teach_ her to do it. 

The slick sound of him fucking his hand reverberated throughout his large room, the dim lights casting a warm glow on his flustered cheeks. 

He knew he was close when sweat broke out across his brow, his legs began to shake, and he soon fell apart.

His head fell further back against his pillow, eyes rolling into the back of his head. 

Almost like magic, he began to use the Force to pinch his nipples gently, sending him over the edge. 

Kylo moaned her name as he came, “Ohhh, fuck... _ohhhh,”_ and his cock began leaking his cum, hips thrusting violently up and down along with his hand. 

No, she could never know of this. He could never tell his Angel how he touched himself while thinking of her. 

But he wanted her in every way, and as euphoric as she made him, he had to _possess_ her.

Ren would stop at nothing to make sure that beautiful girl was _his,_ and _only_ his. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Author's Note:** whew. that was definitely a rollercoaster. anyways, i hope you enjoyed. <3
> 
> life has been extremely busy for me, so if you're sticking around for this story, i appreciate it immensely.
> 
> This is my first time writing really anything in the world of fanfiction. I am relatively young in terms of other writers on this platform, and the Star Wars Cinematic Universe is the first fandom I am actively participating in. Constructive criticism is absolutely something I'm hoping for, but please be gentle. As most authors know, writing is very difficult. And personally, I'm quite sensitive to anything deliberately hurtful, not helpful, or discouraging.💌


	4. Chapter Four - Chocolate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Your evening with Kylo is sweet, like chocolate, up until a hidden enemy destroys it.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ **Chapter Song:** runaway, by AURORA ](https://open.spotify.com/track/0TCmhnbMpw5zwPsTvlXTJi?si=nNrSDRgMQ725WGPc6rj9Cw) ♥️
> 
>  _"And I was running far away  
>  Would I run off the world someday?  
> But now take me home  
> Take me home where I belong  
> I got no other place to go  
> Now take me home  
> Take me home where I belong  
> I got no other place to go..." _
> 
> **Chapter Warnings: very explicit smut, piv smut, virginity kink, size kink, oral sex (both female and male receiving), inappropriate use of the force, violence and fear at the end, explosions, sexual assault and degrading language (not by kylo)**

**Chapter IV - Chocolate**

**_21 November 1810_ **

It had already been about two months since you returned back to your home after sneaking away and essentially telling that blonde scoundrel to kindly, _"fuck off,"_ but throughout the time you’d been back, your parents were still irate with you. Your mother would under no circumstances talk to you or even look in your general direction. 

Luckily, they eventually warmed up to you. 

But you couldn’t help but wonder why Prince Alexander Beaumont had been acting so odd around your family, but especially you. It was as if you were a plague he needed to avoid at all costs, or he was keeping something from you. But you paid it no mind after awhile, assuming he was just a weird person who had weird mannerisms. 

You didn’t expect this to hurt you as much as it did, but you were the adopted child of the family. You had always felt inferior compared to Eleanor and Louisa, both of whom were biological children of your parents, Arthur and Barbara Williams. 

Especially right now, you were really hurting. The malicious voice in your head suggested that maybe your parents didn’t love you. Maybe Kylo would never love you, either.

At this moment, your sisters were the only people you could trust, and you couldn’t be more grateful for them. 

Quietly you cried, pondering a myriad of painful questions, sitting in your room on your bed, watching outside the window next to your bed. It was a chilly November morning, leaves falling from trees, and small freezing rain droplets occasionally landing on your skin. 

For the briefest moment, you felt a pang in your chest, an ache flooding your senses. _Him_. 

You missed Kylo, and wanted nothing more than to be wrapped in his arms. Surely the melancholic nature of autumn greatly contributed to your deep feelings of solitude. This was a strange feeling, one you hadn’t yet experienced before with anyone.

Eleanor and Louisa knocked on the outside of your unclosed door. Looking up at them, drying your tears, you sniffled, “Come in.” 

They walked in, and Eleanor sat down next to you, muttered your name and began, “So, how are you feeling?”

“Oh, life feels utterly awful, Eleanor. Mother and father truly hurt me. They _knew_ from the start of my feelings for Mr. Beaumont.”

“Well, you need not feel alone, my beautiful sister. It just appears _someone_ has written to you,” she replied.

At that, you saw Louisa smiling as she removed her arms from behind her back, holding out a letter. 

_At least now, Louisa was in on your secret, too._

You reached out, feeling your heartbeat begin to race. The writing on the page was the most beautiful cursive you’d ever seen. 

`Dearest Angel,`

`Meet me in Abergele Market today at seven o’clock. `

` -Ren`

Upon reading this letter, you began glowing with happiness. He actually wanted to see you again, and you could not possibly be more elated. 

-

Now would be a good time to mention that you actually had a horse named Stanley, and you used him to travel into town or sometimes longer distances to neighboring regions. He was about seven years old, indubitably adorable, had a syrupy brown color, a gorgeous black mane, and the cutest eyes. 

He lived in a small barn with his own stable, water and food, and he greatly comforted during your times of sadness.

You rode into Abergele Market, and as you hopped off your precious Stanley, giving him a carrot and tying him to a tree to ensure he didn’t run away. He was quite the silly boy, and you laughed a bit to yourself remembering the time a few years ago when you first rode him inside of his enclosure near the garden.

Stanley definitely has matured, and if you were to untie him from the tree and tell him to, “go home,” he would listen, happily trotting away. 

After you rode around for a while, poor Stanley had run off when you thought his rope was secured, and he caught himself up in a large brush, unable to escape. You had to cut the entire damn brush apart with a giant pair of scissors, making a mess of your dress and your horse.

Not to mention all of the times he has snuck up on your unsuspecting parents, scaring them half to death out of nowhere. 

“I’m gonna shoot that damn horse,” your father once exclaimed while laughing after your Stanley nearly jumped on him out of pure excitement. 

-

You straightened out your pretty dress, folding your arms as the chilly, piercing breeze made you crave warmth. Unexpectedly, Abergele Market was bustling. By this time of night, seven o’clock, people had usually returned home. The weather was gorgeous, though, the sun was just finished setting and leaves were falling all around you from the trees. 

Amidst the large crowds of people purchasing items from all of the local shops, you were caught off guard. A beautiful silver bracelet could be seen in a small shop window. You ran to it, ogling at how beautiful it was. However, you saw the price tag: fifty pounds. Your heart sank. 

You had nowhere near that amount of money, and oh, what irony. Alexander would have been able to buy you _five_ of those bracelets. Suddenly, you internally gagged and decided you did not need that bracelet. 

Then, you turned, and saw down the street. 

Completely caught off guard. 

It was Kylo. He was wearing his normal all-black uniform, however, he was not wearing his mask. His cheeks were slightly pink due to the chilly air, and he was wearing some sort of thin coat with a hood, and you could see his gorgeous black hair peeking out from under the hood. 

He was much taller than you, it was almost unbelievable, so he could not yet see you as you were much shorter and you blended in with the massive crowd of people in the market. 

As you gazed at him, he began looking into the shop he was nearest to. It was a chocolate shop. 

Your heart melted once over. 

_Kylo likes chocolate,_ you thought, smiling to yourself. 

You began walking to him, meandering through the hoards of people, tapping him on the arm once you reached him. 

“Hello, sir,” you greeted playfully with a small smile on your face. Behind that smile, though, your body was swimming in a flurry of nerves.

He turned to you, drinking in your appearance. Your hair was down, half of it pulled up into a loose ponytail. Tiny wisps of your hair that fell around your face blew in the wind. Your cheeks were also a light pink hue and felt cold due to the chilly air. He admired your cute little dress, enjoying the way it curved over your gorgeous figure. 

_She looked so goddamn beautiful, and that dress. He wanted to rip it off at that exact moment._

Quickly, he shoved his desire away, not wanting to alarm you, not just yet. 

“Good evening, princess,” he greeted back to you, bending down and kissing your hand. 

“Follow me.” 

He grabbed your hand, taking you down the street, into the chocolate shop, with the fancy name of The Queen’s Chocolate Candle. 

Watching this strong, elegant man pull you down the pavement caused your face to heat up furiously. He could sense your growing want for him with every step you took. 

_Why was he taking you into a chocolate shop, of all damn places?_

As you entered The Queen’s Chocolate Candle, the store was breathtaking, the strong smell of chocolate causing your mouth to water.

You had only been in there once before. 

The ceiling was white, the floors red, and the walls of the interior were rich, golden, and chocolates were neatly packaged in fancy boxes, running along all of the walls, floor to ceiling. In the center, there were cylindrical shelves and other displays with even more arrangements of chocolates you could enjoy to your heart’s content. There also were so many other things to buy, like little nick-nacks and expensive china.

However, the weirdest part is that Kylo led you through the entire store, passing by all of the chocolate. 

Your heart sunk. _I actually wanted some of that._

He stopped at a large wooden door in the back of the shop, being greeted by a scrawny, elderly man blocking that entrance. Kylo handed him what appeared to be a small sum of money. The man’s eyes lit up, and he quietly cackled to himself. _Creepy._

He stopped real quick once he saw Ren staring daggers at him. 

“O-okay. Sir, h-here is your key,” the old man croaked. “D-door at the end of the h-hallway, Room S-seven.”

As he opened the door, there was a long passageway with doors on each two sides of the walls, which is what you'd have guessed hotels looked like. 

You silently walked down the entity of the hallway, unsure of what to say, unsure of where you were going. 

You turned to Kylo, looking up at his figure. He was already staring at you, and you suddenly looked away, body heating up. He smirked, extending out his left hand, taking your right hand into his. His fingers enclosed around yours, his thumb gently caressing the hand of yours he held. 

You noticed doors on either side of the hallway, and it took you a minute to understand what you were hearing. At first, you thought you were hallucinating, your mind just playing tricks on you. 

But this time it was louder, coming from each of the rooms.

_Moaning._

Your heart rate picked up, mind spinning. 

He bent down to whisper in your ear. “Do not be afraid.”

His commanding, yet calming tone was enough to render you speechless. 

Sure. You weren’t afraid. You were _terrified._

Once you reached the door at the end of the hallway, Kylo pulled the key out of his pocket, opening the door for you, letting you inside. 

And what you saw left you breathless. 

It was an extremely large room even more grandiose than inside the store, however, the lights were dimmed on the umber-tinted walls. There was a table near the left side of the room, with the room’s most surprising feature being a large bed in the center of the room, many cute little pillows resting up against large mahogany. The bed had a dark maroon duvet, and a small part of you wanted to just fall asleep right then, at that exact moment. Forget about _Kylo_ , because _the bed_. 

Your silly thoughts were interrupted by reality. 

_So this was a pleasure house? Or something?_

Your mind was in a frenzy, you didn’t even realize your little body was trembling. The sound of the door shutting was subtle, but noticeable. 

Turning to face Kylo, feeling vulnerable, shy, and trapped. “W-What exactly are we doing h-here, s-sir?” you squeaked out, turning to look up at him, voice just barely above a whisper. 

He tsked at you, giving you a look of disapproval. 

“I have many secrets. Do not ask again.” His voice caused you to quaver. “You are all mine now, little girl.”

_Oh, Hell no. He’s going to fucking murder me. I’m getting out of this nightmare of a chocolate shop._

Maybe this handsome Commander man wasn’t Mr. Nice Guy. After all, his seemingly orgasmic powers from the night in the piano room were enough to erase all logic from your mind. And even though the Prince was at the bottom of the trash heap of men, what if Alexander was as good as it was going to get, and you’d be stuck with him forever? And if Alexander was supposed to be good, what would be considered bad? _Commander Ren?_

You really just wanted to fall in love, live to be sixty, and spend the rest of your life peacefully eating soup. 

But of course, with your perfect luck, Alexander wanted to use you as a trophy, and all Kylo did was look at you like you’re an all-he-can- _eat_ -buffet. 

Wait a minute, you weren’t even going to go _there._

If being alive meant you were going to be stuck with the vile, pretentious, sickening people who dared to call themselves royalty, then so be it. 

So, you smiled to him kindly, saying, “Okay,” before instantly bolting towards the wooden door, desperately trying to open it. Your hands fiddled around on the knob before Kylo seized your struggling form, pulling you away from the door. You thrashed around helplessly against his solid, unmoving form, yelling madly at the floor. 

“H-help!! Someone help me!! Can a-anyone hear me?! L-let me go now!!”

As you tried to get away from him, you watched the lock on the door move slowly to the right with a click. 

_Fucking wanker._

Sheer panic, anger, and fear surged in your brain when the pressure of Kylo’s grip on your torso increased slightly, and he bent down to your height as tears began forming in your eyes. 

“Don’t cry. You’re not going anywhere.” His voice sent shivers up your spine. 

You whimpered in his grip, and your thrashing subsided. You were so small. Terrified and defeated. 

His tone relaxed a bit, down to a near whisper. 

“Please. I want to make you feel good, Angel.”

He released your body from his iron hold, causing you to lose your footing and slightly stumble. You turned around, considering him, and the realization of the situation set in. His hood fell onto his shoulders, that gorgeous black hair now fully visible. His eyes looked dark, glazed over with lust, lips slightly quivering. 

A few seconds passed by, the only sound being yours and Kylo’s panting. Clearly, he was undoubtedly exhausted from holding you back. The intensity of the situation caused you to giggle out of nerves, apprehension flooding your mind at what he was going to do with you. 

Kylo looked at you, face twisting into an expression of confusion. “Stop that.”

You continued giggling, covering your mouth and turning away from him. “W-What? Stop doing what!”

“Stop laughing.” He slowly released you, eyes fixed on you. “I am not going to hurt you.”

You turned around to finally face him. “Calm down at once. That is not a request, little girl.” 

Distant alarms sounded off in your brain, telling you to stop, for _real_ this time.

He slowly stalked a few feet over to you, but you unfortunately found yourself backed into the beige-colored wall. It caught you by surprise, and you looked down at your feet, then back up to Kylo, acknowledging your defeat. 

His large arms wrapped around you, embracing you, and your insides betrayed you. You hugged him in return, letting yourself melt away into him, pushing the side of your face up to his chest. And his large hand moved up to the back of your head, rubbing his fingers into your hair, causing you to slightly whimper. It felt _wonderful,_ those adroit digits carefully massaging your scalp. 

You felt all of your worries fade away.

“Good girl.”

He pulled away slightly, lifting you up around his waist. Your pulse was beating rapidly, fear, anticipation, and excitement causing you to feel speechless, and dizzy.

You felt scared, but as you were gazing into his eyes, despite his evil attempt at holding you hostage in this room, you could see some pain and longing. The eyes of a younger boy. Maybe, a very lonely one. 

As though your intense desires hijacked your brain, you pressed your lips to his and kissed him gently. He returned this gesture, sliding his tongue into your mouth, letting out a low groan. He pulled you tighter to his chest, the began to kiss your neck, sucking very gently. 

“Ohh,” you moaned, surprised at how good it felt to finally be kissing him, again. Unlike anything you’d ever felt. How he could stoke so many emotions in you, including fear, yet you crumbled at his touch. 

His being oxygen reduced you to a wild, uncontrollable flame. 

Everything about Kylo was so foreign to you, but especially in this way. Once again, memories of the piano room came rushing to your mind. 

You were so shy about it. So innocent. 

He turned you around and began forcing you to walk backward, eventually falling down onto the bed. It was extremely soft and comfortable, you could feel yourself melt into them. Kylo continued kissing you, and when you looked down you could see he was rubbing himself through his pants, thrusting his hips slightly.

You whimpered. “Oh yes Kylo, you feel…. _so_ good.”

He smirked against your neck. “Hm.”

He continued kissing you very slow. He then moved to your neck, down your chest. Very slow. kissed your tummy through your dress, then once the anticipation of what he was doing became too much, he moved to the end of the bed and lifted the light fabric of your garment to your waist. You helped him, bringing your knees up a little bit to then remove your panties, allowing him to briefly glance at your bare sex hidden between your legs. 

As you watched him, even though you knew what he wanted to do, you closed your legs and looked down. 

You found yourself crying, worried about what he would think of how you looked, down there. Completely forgetting he had seen you. This was different. You felt so dirty. So vulnerable. 

He shifted himself up to you, running a hand through his hair. You blushed. 

The confidence pouring from him was nearly enough to cause you to die. Just fade away into nothingness. Right there, and right then. 

He put his hand on your thigh, showing how terribly bad he wanted you. 

You started to speak, “B-but I—”

He shushed you. “You have nothing to worry about now.”

His finger traced down your body.

“You are _beautiful_ …”

Your name fell from his lips. 

“And, if you liked _that_ , then _this_ will feel incredible.”

You allowed your hands to pull your dress up all the way over your head, revealing you only in your bra. You unclasped the back, unable to look him in the eye. Finally, when your breasts were free, Kylo’s jaw dropped slightly admiring your bare form. 

“Wait, Kylo, I-”

You had to tell him, had to make him understand your internal conflict despite feeling such a strange, new desire swelling deep in your core.

“I just, I feel so much for you. Never before have I felt this, I-I can’t describe it. You scare me, you excite me, you arouse me. No other man does this, the things you do. Young women in this area of England are out getting sewing lessons, learning to play an instrument, or becoming a modest girl in society to find a man to marry.”

Tears welled up in your eyes. 

“But I never wanted those things. I never wanted it, and-and then you came along, I’d never been so happy yet so afraid in my entire life. You make me feel pleasure I can not describe, because you’re dangerous, Kylo. I don’t yet know who you are, or your secrets. The only thing I know for sure, is that I want you. I’ll never stop wanting you, because part of me feels like I am falling irrevocably in love with you, Kylo. You are _maddening._ ”

You were a _fool_ in lust and love, but _just for him._ Nobody admits their feelings that fast, not ever.

Kylo’s left eye twitched at your admission of feelings, of vulnerability. 

“I know much of nothing as well, and right now, I want you terribly, Angel.” 

He said nothing else back about how you felt you were falling into love with him, but instead shifted to kiss your forehead gently, making sure you understood he cared deeply for you. He moved back down, watching you as you spread your legs. You laid down just a bit, getting a very good view of what he was doing. 

What surprised you most at this moment was how speechless he was as he admired your dripping core. 

“So wet for me.” 

He brought his index finger up to your entrance, this time without leather, pushing it in about halfway, then removing it to taste you. He hummed deeply as he sucked his own finger. 

The sight alone was enough to cause your walls to clench. You wanted more. He noticed, moving his mouth closer to your heat. He breathed in your scent, spreading your lips apart slowly, and brought his lips up to your pussy and kissed you right there, on your tight hole, your most precious area. 

He groaned once more, tongue then starting to lap at your cunt, all the way up to your clit before moving back down to your pussy. You involuntarily moaned at the feeling of his lips on you, bucking your hips up to his nose. 

You reached down to run your hands in his hair, pulling him to stay there, licking and sucking at your clit. 

_“Fuck_...you taste so good, darling,” he whispered. “Do you like this?”

“Oh my _stars_ , Kylohhh, my _God_ , so good,” you cried out to him, your head falling back onto the pillow, eyes snapping shut. 

The only thing you could hear was the obscene noise of Kylo licking your cunt, your moans, and his grunts. He was clearly enjoying this too, subtly thrusting his clothed cock against the bed as he lapped at your pussy. 

“Uhhh, _shit_ ,” he moaned into your cunt. 

This was definitely the best feeling you had ever felt in your entire life; it was so intimate and sweet. 

You could swear Kylo was reading your mind once again, knowing exactly how to please you. 

Taking you by surprise, he wrapped his lips around your clit and started sucking with such wonderful pressure, then he inserted two fingers into your pussy. It was definitely a stretch, because last time he only wanted to use one finger. You lowly started rocking your hips against his fingers, loving how good and how full you were feeling. 

He spoke, voice muffled by his not wanting to pull away from your clit, “This okay, princess?” as he started thrusting his two digits inside and out. 

“Yes, Kylo, oh yes, _please_ keep going...” you whimpered.

He smirked against your pussy, in awe of how he could ruin you with just his tongue and fingers. 

You felt a warm and tingly feeling growing deep in your tummy, and you couldn’t stop moaning. The cries fell from your lips like a chorus. 

“It’s okay, you’re close again. Let go for me,” he whispered. 

“Oh my stars, Kylo, it’s happening again, ohh my!” you wailed. 

His lips tightened around your clit, tongue deliciously lapping at it as you felt your orgasm beginning, his fingers still thrusting inside of you. Your eyes snapped shut and you put your hand over your mouth, but that wasn’t enough to slice your gasps and moans. White-hot ecstasy ripped through your trembling body as you felt your muscles contract uncontrollably around his fingers, your juices coating his tongue, mouth, chin, and nose. 

At this point, your hands were in his hair, pulling him down to stay on your pussy as you came. You hadn't realized it in the moment, but Kylo had used that strange energy to hold you against his mouth, ensuring your erratic movements didn’t pull you away from him. 

As you came down from your climax, he removed his fingers from your heat, and replaced them with his tongue, trying to taste the rest of your juices.

“Good girl...” he moaned. 

“Oh...oh my God, Kylo, that was incredible,” you sighed, releasing a breath of air, glowing with happiness. 

“My pleasure. You smelled _and_ tasted incredible. Could eat you for _hours_.” 

“Can I have you, now?” you asked, glancing at the obvious erection in his pants.

“Do you know how to, you know, do _that?”_ he replied, looking down at his bulge, eyes blackened with lust. 

“No...but, you could teach me,” you suggested, your face tingling with heat and redness.

He nodded, saying, “Alright darling, you can try.” 

He laid back on the bed while you happily moved yourself closer to him, to where he needed you. You gently touched the bulge in his pants. Your shaking hands found the zipper, pulling it down, and he helped you, pushing his black boxers all the way down. 

Once his boxers were down, his cock sprang out, bobbing against his stomach. Your eyes went wide once again, surprised at the size now that you wanted to have him in your mouth. 

Precum was leaking from the top, and you hungrily reached out to touch it, your most primal desires taking over. Your very tiny hand wrapped around the base of his cock, and he groaned, admiring how satisfactory your lazy and unskilled touches felt. 

“Ohh, shit, so good,” he moaned. “Open your mouth.” 

You parted your lips, and licked the head of his cock, pressing little kisses all around the head of his penis, very slowly, then taking him into your mouth, his sharp taste exhilarating you.

As Kylo predicted, you couldn’t fit much more into your mouth, not even half of his length, so he grabbed your head and forced you down a bit more, causing you to gag and splutter around his cock. 

He moaned at your struggles, yet you tried relaxing your throat, letting him in _just_ a little more. 

You started bobbing your head up and down, spurred on by his moans of pleasure as he was rendered speechless at how wonderful this felt for him. Your tongue and throat felt so incredible around his length, he swore he was going to cum the second you kissed the tip. 

He allowed you to breathe quite frequently, fighting the urge to feel immense pleasure yet knew seriously hurting was something he wanted to avoid at all costs. After all, this was your first time. 

Kylo groaned, “Ohh, you’re so good at that, _fuck_. Never wanted a cock in that pretty little throat so bad, huh? Little slut likes sucking me off.” 

Despite his humiliating remarks, you felt your clitoris swell once more, pussy clenching at his inappropriate words, not wanting to admit how much you liked this. Even though you’d never done it before. 

You tried to say, “Yes sir,” but it came out as, “Ohhuhhh, yyesstthh, sthir, mhmmm.” 

His willingness to pleasure you caused your sanity to spiral far, far away, and right as your mouth became very sore, his balls started to tighten up, thick cock beginning to throb and twitch deep in your mouth. 

You felt his ejaculate hit the back of your throat, and his orgasm caused his entire body to shake with desperate relief and euphoria. “Ohhh, yes, uhhhh,” he whimpered, your name somewhere in between his moans. 

You pulled our mouth off of his cock, swallowing the juices in your mouth down your throat. 

He pulled you on top of him, your legs around his waist, pressing his lips to yours again. The two of you could taste each other’s juices on your tongues, and it was so erotic how you both enjoyed it. You involuntarily started grinding your pussy against his now hardening cock and up to his lower stomach, spreading your wetness all over his skin. 

You both breathed heavily into each other’s mouths. His cock was prodding at your entrance, a feeling so incredibly foreign to you. 

“Do you think you can take me?” he asked you, his yes searching yours for an answer. 

Your eyes lit up with need, wanting to feel him inside of you. “Yes, but, um, will it hurt me, Kylo?” 

“Yes, unfortunately, it may be a bit painful for you. But I think I can help with that.” 

Kylo motioned for you to move over so he could get up. 

Once he was off the bed, he walked over to his drawers and pulled out a small bottle from the top one. He brought it over to you, and you were confused. You’d never seen anything like that before. It didn’t exist anywhere in Hertfordshire at this time, as far as you were concerned. 

When girls had sex for the first time, you often heard stories of very painful and awful experiences. Some women had even said they used spit occasionally, but you were only focused on the other terrible stories. 

“This is what you need. Some girls even use this for their own use. You’ll know what I mean, later. It is a type of lubrication I have acquired from where I live, and it will make intercourse much less painful. Trust me.”

He handed you the bottle, and you looked at it with such enormous confusion. You opened the top, and a little amount came out onto the bed sheets below you. You put your finger under the opening, and squeezed a little bit onto your finger. It felt good, just like your own cyprine. Smooth and sticky and warm. You looked up at Kylo, and reached down to put some around your folds and entrance.

“No darling, you’re going to need more than that,” he instructed. Kylo took the little bottle from you and squeezed a large glob onto two of his fingers. He looked moved his hand down to your pussy, then pressed his moisture-covered fingers into your wet heat, making it _even_ wetter, something you didn’t think was possible. 

The feeling was so wonderful; his two fingers stretched you deliciously and he lasciviously gazed into your eyes as he spread the lubricant around inside your walls. 

As he taught you how to make yourself feel good, and now, your first time having sex feel good, the way he looked at you was lewd. It was titillating, it was naughty. And it was beautiful. Oh _so_ beautiful.

He pulled his finger out, and you sighed at the feeling of emptiness. He sat up, removing a small packet from his pocket, then finally removed his pants. His legs looked so strong and muscular, making you basically drool at the sight.

The little packet contained a little plastic or rubber sleeve, yet another item you’d never seen. 

He pulled the small sleeve over his length, looking at you. You had guessed it was some sort of condom. He put some lubricant on his cock over the condom as well, stroking it up and down. You could look him in the eye, but not for too long. 

“Thank you,” you whispered to him, smiling slightly. You internally were thankful that he remembered to _not_ get you pregnant. But oh, while you had the means to take care of an infant, and _of course_ your family wanted you to procreate, now was too soon. 

“Of course. We need protection. Need to keep my lady safe,” he replied.

You blushed. 

"So uhh. What happens now, Kylo? I don't know...where to start."

“This.” 

He pushed you down gently, moving his large figure on top of you, returning back to your lips to kiss them. You ran your hands up and down his back, enjoying how strong and dominating he felt. Your tongues made contact almost immediately, and you began moaning together, breathing into each other. 

He fondled your slightly engorged breasts gently, causing you to moan, pinching your nipple. 

“Now, I need you to spread your legs for me,” he ordered. You happily complied.

He repositioned himself in between your legs, taking his cock and finding your entrance. Internally, he was doing backflips at how much bigger his cock was than your little hole. He knew he was going to destroy you. Leave you a mess. 

You made him so _hard_ , just thinking of you and he was so ready to just _fuck_ any damn thing. 

And now, after what felt like a million weeks, he finally got to fuck your tight, virgin pussy. 

_His_ little girl.

“Are you ready for me?” he asked, observing your nervous eyes. 

“Yeah, I’m ready,” you confirmed, smiling up at him. 

He slowly thrust into you, making sure to not hurt you. 

“Ow, that-that hurts a little,” said your quivering voice. 

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No, it’s okay, just pull out slowly then go in slowly.” 

He listened to you, to your body’s needs as well, and loosened you up just a little.

“Relax your muscles, honey,” he purred.

“O-okay.” 

About two more minutes of discomfort continued along with sharp pain in your vagina, you shut your eyes, reveling in the feeling of being filled, waiting for it to feel good. 

For the first time in your life, a penis was _inside of you_. Kylo was completely sheathed in there, groaning into your neck. Clearly, this felt very good for him since he started to let quiet grunts and moans escape his lips as he thrust lazily. 

Once again, his deep moans went straight to your cunt, causing you to clench around him. You became a bit wetter, the pain finally transforming into pleasure. You looked down, watching him thrust into you, and you giggled a little at the noises of your pussy squelching. 

“What could _possibly_ be funny? You have a tendency to laugh when you shouldn’t, you know,” Kylo inquired, pausing his movements.

You responded, a few more giggles escaping you, “How can I not laugh? Those noises are _absurd!_ And obviously, you know I’m still pretty nervous right now. You’re my first...I-I just forgot our bodies make sounds when we do this _thing_.” 

You could have sworn you saw almost a smile form on his face, but it faded sooner than it could have appeared. 

“You can keep going now, silly,” you cheerfully said. As new as this situation was, you still were a woman with a penis inside of her. You needed friction, him to pound into you _now_.

_I just want you to make love to me, so so hard. Now._

“Hm.” 

That was all you got. As usual. 

He pulled out, then plunged back into your core with stronger force this time. His hips were undulating beautifully. 

His cock dragged in and out of you at a quick, yet gentle pace. 

Finally, as your remaining pain melted into pleasure, you let your first moan. “Ohh, oh _my…_ _Kylo..._ ” 

“You like this, huh? Getting ruined by my cock?”

“Stars, Kylo, yes, yes, yes I love it!” you gasped. 

“Yeah, I think your virgin pussy likes getting fucked. She always has wanted this,” he purred into your ear. 

This beautiful sexual act continued on for about ten minutes, slowly. You felt completely connected to him, sharing your most intimate parts with him. You kissed him, your combined moans fusing together. 

You cupped his face with both of your hands as he continued fucking you, in awe of how beautiful he looked. Sweat beaded on his forehead, cheeks, and ears still flushed. His lips still looked swollen from devouring your cunt. 

His features relaxed. Clearly, he was blissed out with you. 

_Maybe my pussy is magical._

“You...you feel so good, beautiful girl. You are mine now. I am never letting you go.” 

“Kylo, me too...I feel _that_ feeling again. I need more…please touch me,” you whined.

“All mine...” he whispered, partially to himself. His large hand migrated down the curve of your tummy.

He began rubbing your clit in such a perfect way, knowing exactly what you needed. 

Your pussy walls fluttered around his throbbing member, your orgasm impending. You were breathing heavily, heart pounding out of your chest. He watched you come undone, your face screwed up in pleasure. He continued thrusting that strong cock into you.

“Let go for me,” Kylo said. 

Beautiful galaxies, stars, and exploding colors erupted across your vision. Your tiny body wasn’t just shaking, it was _convulsing_. Uncontrollably. Somewhere in there, Kylo said, “That’s my angel,” but you couldn’t hear. Couldn’t remember anything. Tears were streaming from your eyes, and you cried and cried and cried in pleasure. 

Your tight cunt excellently massaged Kylo’s cock, and your gorgeous, sexy moans were like music to his ears. 

“Ughghh, _yes_ ,” he grunted. As you came down from the most earth-shattering climax of your life, he was about to orgasm, too. 

He thrust into you a few more times before his hip movements became erratic. His cum flooded into the condom, and you could feel it fill up inside of you. His whimpers were so arousing as he came. The aftershocks from your climax were still causing your hips to buck up into his. 

Kylo lifted you up, making sure to keep his pretty cock in your pussy, and allowed you to straddle his waist and lay on his muscular chest. You turned your head to the side, still quietly crying from your severely emotional orgasm, hair a mess, face and chest completely flushed.

“Shhh, it’s okay, sweetheart, it’s okay. You did so well for me,” Kylo whispered to you, running his fingers through your hair, kneading your scalp. Your silky walls continued to spasm around his length, just slightly. All you could respond back to him was with a few lazy sighs and your quiet sounds of breathing. 

This was exquisite, just resting on his chest, warming his cock for the last half hour. You’d even fallen asleep on him for a little while before he gently nudged you awake. 

At first, his voice was an echo, but then you heard Kylo say your name quietly. 

“Wake up, Angel.” 

You lifted your head from his chest, looking up at him with tired eyes, sleepy but _definitely_ happy. The post-orgasmic chemicals swimming in your mind definitely felt strong, maybe even like a slight buzz of alcohol. For it being your first time having sex, you now understood why people loved it so much. 

He lifted you off of him, removing his softened cock from your core, and sweetly placing you on the bed next to him. 

You watched as he got up, walked around the room, picked up his clothes, and began getting dressed.

And all you could do was look at him.

He sauntered over to you, handing you your dress, underwear, and bra.

You gracelessly sat up with a groan and took your clothes from him. You slipped your underwear on and inexpertly clasped your bra. 

You attempted putting your dress on, but to no avail.

“Let me help you?” Kylo asked.

You nodded, and he took your dress, pulling it over your head, through your arms, and helping you adjust it. 

“So, so beautiful,” he purred, studying your expression. 

You got up in front of him, standing on your tippy-toes. You ran your hands all over his chest, now clothed in the black fabric of his uniform. You moved your hands, down, down, down, sticking your cute butt out just a bit. 

You smirked at him. “Could say the same about you.”

A few more moments passed, and you became a bit sad. Knowing that you’d have to be going home, and may not see Kylo for a few more weeks. 

He must have heard your thoughts. 

“Did you think I was going to make sweet love to you and _not_ take you out to dinner?” he asked, pushing your messy hair behind your little ears. 

“O-oh, I guess I didn’t think about that, no,” you replied. 

So he unlocked the door and led you through the hallway, making sure to return the key to that poor little old man, the one you saw a few hours ago. And he gave you the _look_. That old man knew what happened in that room. He _knew_. You entered the chocolate shop again, winking at the man, and Kylo watched you again as your eyes glimmered with joy as you literally _ogled_ at all of the chocolate in the store and on the shelves. 

For twenty fucking minutes, Kylo watched you talk to the shop workers in there, who clearly just wanted to just go home already. It was nearing ten o’clock at night. You sampled many kinds of chocolate, as well as your favorite flavor, you ended up leaving the store empty-handed. 

But never fear.

That’s because your tall, black-haired, _doorframe_ of a man was stuck carrying five boxes of chocolate, trying to balance them in his large paws. And every one of those boxes, he reluctantly bought just for you. 

Outside, you kissed Stanley on the nose, untying him and telling him to run on home, back to his barn. He nuzzled into you, neighing jubilantly, and before long he was on his merry trotting way.

You turned back to Kylo, who was looking around the now empty Abergele Market, obviously annoyed with your antics. 

“What are _you_ looking at?” you play-yelled at him.

-

After exiting The Queen’s Chocolate Candle, you walked across the street with him, and found yourself inside your favorite restaurant on the planet, Kitty’s Kitchen. 

Candles illuminated the walls, casting a comforting, warm glow. The air smelled so good, like freshly baked bread, soup, pasta, and mashed potatoes. _Yum._ You sat down at a table with Kylo, quite the weird experience. You couldn’t shake the feeling that he wasn’t an everyday customer of fucking, _Kitty’s Kitchen_ , of all places in the world. 

He didn’t fit in at all. There were a few older couples in the restaurant, but it was late, so the place was scarce. You pulled your hair together in a loose ponytail, realizing it may appear a bit messy after your _sexcapade_ with Kylo earlier, fastening your hair with a little clip in your dress pocket.

He set the five boxes down next to your table. 

The waitress came by, and you asked for a glass of water while he requested a glass of bourbon. After your drinks came, and just you awkwardly sitting across from him, you decided to talk. 

“So, Kylo. You should tell me about yourself.” 

“What do you want to know?” 

“Hmmm. Favorite color?”

“Black.”

“Favorite food?”

“Beef jerky.” 

Both answers made complete sense. Internally, you chuckled at _beef jerky._ He thinks he’s tough, does he not? Nonetheless, you decided to ask something else, something more serious. 

“Who are your parents?”

“That’s irrelevant.” He took a large gulp of his bourbon, glancing around the room. “And don’t ask me anything else. I am done answering your mindless questions.”

Your joyful grin turned into a dejected frown. Kylo was one tough cookie.

“Well...what are you going to do if I _keep_ asking you questions?”

He huffed and took a sip of his bourbon. “Hm.” 

You began feeling extremely hot for a little bit as you waited for your food, and you were very confused since it felt like your clit was _throbbing_. You shifted around in your seat, and could feel some of your wetness being coaxed out of your pussy, walls fluttering involuntarily. When you glanced at Kylo, he was obviously staring daggers at you, but immediately he glanced away.

To your relief, your onslaught of arousal subsided once the waitress came by and served the two of you plates of food, and once you saw how good it looked, you realized how hungry you were. After all, today was probably the first of _many_ intense fuckings.

You ordered your favorite cream of chicken soup with extra rolls of bread and butter, while Kylo had a salad with a lemon vinaigrette. 

The second you got your food, you started gobbling up the dinner rolls like it was your last meal, dipping them in the creamy soup. Definitely a mouth orgasm. 

Your waitress walked away, but unfortunately, your body heated up again. You dropped your spoon into the soup, unable to control yourself. You moaned quietly to yourself, “Ohhh, w-what, _ohhhh_ …” At your clitoris, that feeling was there again, the one Ky-

_Kylo._

“Oh, must you make a mess of me now? You have no compassion for this meal I am trying to enjoy!” you whispered loudly across the tiny table. 

He was too fascinated with his salad, digging through his bowl trying to get a piece of lettuce on his fucking fork. 

“Oh, sorry. Were you saying something?” he queried, looking up at you with feigned confusion. 

“Don’t be coy, stop pretending! You know _exactly_ what you are doing!” you angrily quipped. In a normal situation, you would enjoy him teasing you in a public setting. But now you were ravenous for this wonderful soup. Your tummy growled, begging for more deliciousness. 

He didn’t say anything. He just looked back at his food as you struggled silently in your seat, crossing your legs together, trying to stave off cumming all over this chair. 

“I never told you to stop eating,” Kylo remarked. “Go on. I’m not doing _anything_ or stopping you from _slurping_ your soup,” he added, making sure to put _special_ emphasis on _slurping_. Just to remind you of the noises his mouth made against your cunt. 

Your shaking hands lifted your spoon, and you continued eating. It felt like his fingers were inside of your panties caressing your folds again, along with a low vibration thrumming on your clit. 

He took great pleasure in what he was doing to you, internally grinning like a psychopath at how you were falling apart at the seams. And all he was doing was eating his salad, not even outwardly showing his control of the unknown energy. 

The longer you tried to stave off orgasming, the harder it became. Before long, knowing you weren’t supposed to be so aroused in a restaurant, you came on your seat while swallowing a small spoonful of soup. Watching Kylo suck on a small cherry tomato from his bowl sent you over the edge. 

You covered your mouth with your napkin, grinding and whimpering while you sat in the chair. A few gasps of yours escaped, but they were only audible to him. As you came, he groaned lowly. His cock was probably hard again, but you didn’t know for sure. 

You realized you must have tipped over the boxes next to the little table. The waitress shot you a glare, annoyed at the ruckus.

“Uhh, my. Wow, that was nice. But can I finish my food now, please?” you begged. 

“Good girl. Go ahead,” he whispered. “I just _love_ watching you come.”

You looked away from him, blushing again. 

After the two of you finished your dinner, it was almost midnight. Your family was going to be irrevocably furious with our late return home. Once again, Kylo paid for your food. You had some sterling, but of course, didn’t know to bring any. He really was such a gentleman. 

That is, when he wanted to be one.

You exited Kitty’s Kitchen with him, and he bent down to your height, muttering, “Follow me.” 

The unruly tower of boxes nearly toppled over in his arms. 

You followed Kylo down the dark stone pavement, reaching a location of the Abergele Market Village you’d never been before. The buildings were sad and drooping. You were in an alley that was damp and wet. The structures on either side of the alleyway were rotting. It was definitely somewhere you wanted to get far away from. 

Something quite strange happened from here. 

As you exited the alleyway, you came to what looked to be a dead-end in the shape of a circle, buildings wrapping around it almost like an enclosure. There was a small opening, like maybe a roadway to the left that nobody used. This place was desolate and chilling, _too_ empty. 

As Kylo moved swiftly, he turned to the right, walking to this strange black apparatus. Was it a box? Or a very tiny carriage? Did he even have a horse? _I bet his horse would be lovable and have the prettiest eyes, and the darkest mane—_

You immediately drove away those distracting thoughts about a stupid horse. 

He pulled something making a jangling noise from his pocket, likely some sort of keys. 

_But why would he need keys?_

Suddenly, these two bright lights appeared out of nowhere, and the black apparatus _beeped_. Fucking beeped. You squealed, not sure what to do. Kylo opened what appeared to be the rear door on it, tossing your boxes of chocolates inside of it. He turned to you, motioning you to come over to him. 

“You mustn't anyone about this, darling,” he warned you. You nodded, agreeing with him speechlessly. “This is the automobile. Or what I call a car,” he explained. He walked you around to what appeared to be the driver’s side of the vehicle. “It has four wheels, as you can see. Inside there, that window, is my seat. At the bottom of the floor where I put my feet, there is an acceleration pedal and a brake pedal.”

“So you can drive this large _thing_ , and it will take you places?” 

“Yes, it’s one of the most important technological advances from where I come from. It can take me places very fast: even faster than a horse and carriage. This specific vehicle is called a Mercedes. As you can see, it is a black one, from the 1980s.”

You were about to bombard him with an endless assault of questions about the car and his background, the year of the car, and literally a million other things, but he shushed you. 

“Soon, you will know everything. So much more, princess. All of this will make sense soon. I promise.” He pressed a kiss to your forehead. 

You stood there dumbfounded for a few more moments before coming to your senses. 

“C-can I maybe get in and see what it’s like, Kylo? The seat next to yours in _there?”_ you asked, pointing to what was the passenger seat. 

“Sure. The passenger seat, where you sit, is on the left. In the country I am from, America, the passenger seat is actually on the right,” he explained.

You meandered to the other side of the car, your hands touching all over the door before you found a bump. You put your fingers through it and pulled, it swinging open aimlessly. 

Lights turned on in his car, and you got in, sitting down on the leather seats. It was much more comfortable than your carriage, and yes, it was definitely more comfortable than riding Stanley despite your love for him. 

Kylo got into the driver’s seat next to you. “What do you think?”

You looked at him, eyes glowing. “I love it so much! Thank you for letting me in your cab. Your secret is safe with me.”

“You are very welcome, but it is a _car_ , Angel. Not a cab,” he corrected. 

His large hand reached over to your thigh, where your hands were resting, and he took your right hand into his. It was probably twice the size of your hand, and he intertwined your fingers with his, stroking it with his thumb.

“You intoxicate me,” he whispered. He groaned, covering his pants, likely trying to hide an erection.

_How on Earth is it possible I arouse him so much?_

You thought you were going to go at it again with him, in the back seat most likely, but your quiet, romantic serenity was disrupted when you heard a loud explosion, and saw one of the buildings surrounding the car erupt into flames. A large, glowing fire could be seen at the very top of the building and your heart rate increased dramatically. 

“K-Kylo, I-I think something is v-very wrong,” you squeaked out. 

A group of men dressed in extremely formal and traditional military attire sprinted out from that empty, mysterious road in between the remaining buildings, clearly intending on charging at you and Kylo. 

“Stay here,” he said, exiting the car. 

The man who appeared to be their leader put his arm out, indicating for them to slow their speed, eventually abruptly coming to a stop right in front of Kylo. 

The leader stepped forward, putting his arms out, up into the sky, and you guessed he was likely smiling. He was a short man. He cackled wildly, in a manner that was nothing short of creepy. 

You clambered into the backseat, hiding behind the two front seats. At that point, you tried making out the voices to hear what they were saying.

The man put his arms down, taking another step right in front of Kylo. 

“Greetings, Commander Ren! It has been too long,” the man sneered. 

“I thought we had finished our _business,_ Beaumont,” Kylo responded. 

Your mind went into overdrive, and quickly you came to the epiphany that this man was Prince Alexander Beaumont. Your insides began twisting together into a sharp knot of anxiety.

“Oh, no no no no. You are gravely mistaken,” Alexander snarled. “ _She_ was never part of our agreement. And _she_ was not supposed to find out about... _that_ ,” he continued, pointing straight at you, or rather, at the car. 

After all, it was 1810, and whatever was happening surely was out of the ordinary. The car was far too advanced for your time, you knew this all along, Kylo even seemed advanced for this time period, having never dressed as others have. Plus, the way he spoke was different than others did. Everyone else’s use of parlance had a sense of being airy, polite, and gentle. Even yours. 

Kylo’s voice was full, it was strong. Polite but not airy, unlike _Alexander’s._ He used many curse words, something very rare at least to your ears, only until you ascertained that you yourself cussed in your mind at times, as well.

Maybe you weren’t the incorrupt girl you thought you were. 

But nevermind those extra details. 

They were only clouding your brain further.

“Well, it is far too late for that. I have already shown her that car, and I plan on eventually bringing her to Starkiller Base where I want her to stay with me. She deserves the truth, Beaumont. And if you cared for her, _you_ would have been the one to tell her,” Kylo contended. “You aren’t who she needs.” 

Alexander stepped away from him, pacing back and forth in a short distance, looking down at the ground with his arms behind his back. 

“Where is she?” the blonde Prince questioned. 

Without hesitation, Kylo responded, “She’s home. I returned her to her family fifteen minutes ago.” 

“Ah, of course.”

“Yes, sir. She is safe.” 

“Ren.”

“Yes?”

“You’re attempting to deceive me. And it’s a shame that you are. _Pathetic._ ” 

Alexander’s demeanor shifted. He turned to his men, and lifted his hand in the air, pointing his thumb back at the car. “Go. Take what’s _mine,”_ he demanded. 

Kylo spun around, opening the door, and yelling to you, “I’m so sorry, Angel. I’m so sorry. Just know that y-you will always be mine.” He looked afraid, for the first time you’ve seen, his voice and body and breathing shaking. 

One of the men grabbed Kylo from outside of the door, pulling him back, away from you. They cuffed his hands behind his back. Your little hands tried finding the door handle, and you successfully were able to run out of the car, trying to reach him.

But your attempts at reaching him were menial, for a large pair of hands grabbed you, painfully digging into your poor arms, stopping you from running to him. 

“K-Kylo!!!” you screamed. 

Everything happening after that was in slow motion. You saw one of the big men stab Kylo in his neck with something, and from what your crying eyes could see, you hoped it was just a shot, a harmless drug, or some tranquilizer that put him to sleep. You hoped and prayed they didn’t just _kill_ him. But there was no way of knowing for sure. 

He was the love of your life, and it felt like he was gone.

Completely shattering your world. 

The man behind you turned you around, pushing you down to your knees on the hard cobblestone. You were now faced with the man you wanted to violently tear apart.

“Darling! How are you? I hope Ren didn’t put his hands on you, poor thing,” he said, putting out his bottom lip in a fake manner, as if he was talking to a baby. Not a young woman. 

You spat in his face, it getting into his eye. He rubbed it away, disgusted. 

“Naughty girl. Clearly, that commander has shown you _things_ ,” Alexander quipped. 

Without warning, he lifted his hand, cracking it across your face. “I bet you _like_ being slapped. Stupid bitch.”

You tasted blood in your mouth. It was metallic and tangy and raging. Just like the anger flowing through your veins.

“Y-you’re a coward. I will never love a man like you, and in fact, _nobody_ will,” you angrily spat, tears still flowing.

Behind you, you heard the engine revving of what sounded like another automobile, one that was probably much larger than Kylo’s car, and you heard _someone_ lift up something heavy, throwing it into the vehicle with a thud. You sobbed quietly, feeling ruined and crumbling in on yourself. Whatever they were taking away wasn’t _it._

In the midst of this chaos and pain, everything fell silent, and you heard his voice. You imagined him sobbing your name, and it sounded like a plea. 

They were taking _him_ away, your Kylo, as though he wasn’t a precious human with a beating heart. But not to Alexander, clearly his enemy. Because to him, he was disposable.

_Like garbage._

“That makes me very sad. You know, _I_ love you,” Alexander murmured. 

“You know, _I_ love Commander Ren,” you shamelessly retorted. “And he loves me, too.” 

“How do you know?”

“I-I can feel it. He’s never said it to me, but—” 

“He doesn’t,” Alexander said, bored. “He doesn't love you. Stupid to think he did, really.”

The large man behind you began moving his disgusting hands down your torso, groping your breasts. “Shhhh, don’t try resisting,” the man behind you said. “We know you like this.”

You couldn’t say anything but “please stop touching me,” and you allowed your head to fall down, sobbing and screaming again. 

The emotional and physical pain you were experiencing caused your vision to blackout for a moment. You felt exhausted, tired, terrified, and alone. _I will never let you go._ For the third time tonight, you heard another sound of an engine revving, and at this point, you assumed it was your turn to be tranquilized and thrown into a vehicle. 

_Maybe they are going to bring me to the same place as him._

The cold, nearly winter night air caused you to shiver and shake, as if you weren’t doing so already.

“P-please stop touching me,” you begged the man, but he didn’t stop. His disgusting fingers kept feeling down your body, and he started lifting up the front of your dress. To your greatest relief, you heard a very loud bang. Just as he was about to touch you inside of your underwear, he stopped. Or maybe _something_ stopped him. 

From what you could tell, he fell back from behind you like a fucking potato sack. You turned around, and his stupid big head was bleeding.

He’d been shot. 

You turned back to face Alexander, and he looked shocked, his face turning pale. It was very dark outside as it was late in the night, yet you could still make out his features, that sent a clear message: _something wasn’t going according to plan._

Behind him, his men began falling to the ground one by one after you heard separate gunshots coming from somewhere you couldn’t see. The building that had exploded toppled over into a mess of dust and debris, making your busy surroundings even more difficult to decipher. 

“She’s over here!!” you heard a female voice exclaim. 

You saw her emerge from the smoke from behind Alexander. She was beautiful, with brown hair. Even more surprising was that she was wearing _pants_. It was an all-white outfit, with her shoulders almost visible. _What the..._

Alexander pulled out his pistol, pointing it at her. Two other men found her, running up next to either side of her. One of the men was African, and the other was Latino with dark hair. 

She put her hand in the air, and what happened next didn’t fail to floor you. 

You saw his gun shaking in the air, and it began moving towards her, breaking free of Alexander’s grip. She continued pulling it closer to her, without even touching it. It was like she was controlling it with her _mind_.

Eventually, the pistol made its way into her hand. She clutched it, facing it towards your enemy. 

With the flick of her other hand, you heard a snap, and it appeared she had just broken his legs, truly showing no mercy. He fell to the ground with a cry.

“This is the last time you will ever hurt anyone else, Beaumont,” she retorted to him.

Then, she took the pistol, moving it closer to him, and shooting him directly in the head twice. 

His lifeless body fell to the ground, and you let out a sigh of relief. 

She reached out to you, grabbing your hand. “You are coming with us. We must go now, or never. It is possible more of his men will arrive at any moment.”

You took her hand, and followed along as she led you to another vehicle. This one was bigger, boxier, and after everyone was in, the lighter-colored man with brown hair jumped in the driver’s seat. The dark-colored man was next to him in the passenger seat, and the girl was next to you. 

“My name is Rey,” she said with a subtle grin, outstretching her hand. “Go! Drive!” she yelled to the man in the driver’s seat. He immediately apologized, shifting what you thought were the gears of the vehicle, and began driving down the dark road. 

Rey pulled a piece of fabric across your body and fastened it into some sort of holder. “Seatbelt,” she whispered. 

“Th-thank you f-for saving my life,” you said, taking her hand into yours. Tears of joy escaped you. 

“It’s my responsibility. You need not thank me,” she affirmed. 

“This is Poe,” she told you, pointing to your driver, “and this is Finn,” she said, pointing to the dark-skinned man. 

You greeted them with a happy smile, feeling genuine happiness at befriending the people who rescued you. 

Suddenly, you were overcome with a wave of dread, sadness, and fear.

You began speaking, voice just above a whisper. You let yourself cry while saying this. “I-I don’t know if you guys know him, but he’s someone I care for deeply. His name is Kylo Ren...Commander Kylo Ren of the First Order. Alexander’s m-men hurt him, and I-I think they took him a-away. I am praying he is still alive, and if he is, c-can we still save him?” 

Rey took a moment to exhale, looking at you with understanding eyes. 

“I don’t think we can save him,” she said. “Because we don’t have to.”

For a moment, it felt like your heart broke a million times over. You put your hands over your eyes to hide your pain and tears, but a loud sob gave you away. Your pulse raced impossibly fast, palpitations swimming in your chest.

“Shhhh, it’s okay,” she consoled. 

All you could hear was the calming noise of the road under the tires, something you’d never heard before. Behind you, in the back row of seats, you were able to hear a very low, steady breathing. _No, it couldn’t be._

“Just look behind you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Author's Note:** wow, i'm so so sorry for the late update!
> 
> these past six weeks have been busy, and my motivation to write is always wavering. my courses have all been online, which makes wanting to open my documents for this fic extremely dreadful. sometimes, i open up the docs and stare at the words, maybe add a few words, then close it and call it a night.
> 
> but when i do find motivation, i am thrilled to be writing and i have found this to be a very emotionally fulfilling task <3
> 
> also, please note that i plan these chapters out as i write, which makes it more spontaneous yet still challenging. right now, i am not sure what will happen next, so i'm stuck on the edge of my seat too! anyways, i hope you enjoyed.♥️
> 
> This is my first time writing really anything in the world of fanfiction. I am relatively young in terms of other writers on this platform, and the Star Wars Cinematic Universe is the first fandom I am actively participating in. Constructive criticism is absolutely something I'm hoping for, but please be gentle. As most authors know, writing is very difficult. And personally, I'm quite sensitive to anything deliberately hurtful, not helpful, or discouraging.💌


	5. Chapter Five - Back to the Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **In reality, life is pretty standard for you. You are a college student, with a best friend, a boyfriend, and a good family.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ **Chapter Song:** champagne problems, by Taylor Swift ](https://open.spotify.com/track/0sY6ZUTh4yoctD8VIXz339?si=6v5G30GORmWRU3DxOY86eQ) ♥️
> 
> _"And hold your hand while dancing  
>  Never leave you standing  
> Crestfallen on the landing  
> With champagne problems  
> Your mom's ring in your pocket  
> Her picture in your wallet  
> And you won't remember all my  
> Champagne problems..."_
> 
> **Chapter Warnings: introduction to new characters, mention of a past family member death, college party, graphic depiction of serious rape/non-consensual activity, drug use, alcohol, emotional and family issues, and no kylo in this chapter**

**Chapter V - Back to the Future**

**_24 October 2009_ **

“That’s fucking insane!!” your best friend Tessa exclaimed, bursting into a fit of laughter and nearly falling off of the park bench in hysterics. You had shown her this viral video of someone in an online YouTube video who had accidentally uploaded something they _shouldn’t_ have, resulting in everyone you knew watching them take a ginormous shit. 

_And most of the rest of the world saw the video, too._

You giggled along with her, completely in awe yet feeling admiration for how _stupid_ people are. 

How on Earth could someone be so mindless, yet sometimes you wished you were like them. Oh, to be able to never overthink anything in your life and make these ridiculous decisions and not even feel _bad_ about it.

Life for you, including these moments, has always been quite interesting. 

You lived in Brooklyn, New York, a place of the city you found so much internal peace in. It was busy, but the moments where nobody was around always seemed to stick with you the very most. Being able to sit peacefully outside on a bench during some cloudy, fall evenings with the wind blowing in your hair was truly one of the parts you enjoyed the most. Even though occasionally, cars would pass through this part of your neighborhood, it didn’t matter. 

You nonetheless felt like New York City was a giant hurricane, and you were a lost little speck in it trying to make sense of the storm. And maybe, even _that_ wasn’t so bad.

Very similar to today, a chilly autumn evening, as you sat beside Tessa just hanging out together, it was your weekly two days off of school and work. You were really letting go and just letting yourself take a much-needed break. 

In school, you were now obtaining your Bachelor’s degree in Clinical Psychology. It was your senior year, and you were very excited to move forward and see what would be in your future. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, you took classes at New York University, and you made the commute by train at around nine o’clock every morning, arriving back home by four in the evening each of those days. 

NY University is how you met Tessa Jones. However, she’s minoring in Psychology but majoring in Graphic Design. 

At first, you weren’t interested in talking to her since she seemed too brilliant, and frankly, you felt like an fucking idiot compared to her. Psychology wasn’t even her major, yet she was able to answer nearly all of the Professor’s questions with such collected intellect. One day, at the end of your Freshman semester, you two were randomly partnered together for a short group assignment in preparation for the final exam. 

Ever since this unplanned meeting between the two of you three years ago, you have been inseparable. You realized how sweet and kind and funny she was, and something between the two of you just seemed to _click._ She was more like you and had more things in common with you than you ever would have guessed. She was even able to show you that you were not stupid, you knew just as much as she did, you just had trouble articulating that. 

But on the side, you worked in a cozy little bookstore with this well-thought-out name: Books. And when you weren’t in there, not really doing anything since people had more important things to do than spend money in a tiny, quiet bookstore, you were writing. You constantly wrote, dreaming to pursue your dream to get your very first book published soon—you wrote at work, during your breaks, especially since the days were slow and uneventful. Writing made you feel like you could control everything happening in your life. The words falling from your fingertips onto the keyboard and into your document made you feel especially powerful, almost magnificent.

And when you weren’t writing or studying, you were drawing. Just for fun. You had your own studio in your house, something you felt thrilled about. Sometimes drawing gave you newfound inspiration for writing.

Now, don’t get yourself wrong here. You weren’t the very best artist, but you tried, and the things you created made sense to you. It was an excellent medium to express your deep emotions in a way other than words.

“Alright, you ready to go get some coffee?” Tessa asked. You were more than happy to get up from the park bench and go to your favorite cafe in the world: Brooklyn Cafe and Company. It was definitely time for your daily ingestion of caffeine, so you gleefully said, “Oh my gosh, _yes,_ let’s go.” 

You pulled yourself lazily off the bench, tiredly letting your legs drag along the pavement as you began walking. Tessa happily put her arm around your shoulder, giggling as she copied your movements.

Once you arrived at the Cafe, the calming scent of coffee infiltrated your nostrils, immediately making you desperately crave your favorite order: a small mocha coffee topped with whipped cream, chocolate syrup, and tiny chocolate curls.

Tessa ordered a simple caramel iced coffee, which was her personal favorite. 

You found your seats at a little booth, removing your sweatshirts and settling in to just have girl talk.

“So how’s everything been going for you?” she asked. You’d recently been out of town in the mountains visiting family in Colorado. 

“Oh, you know. Same old, same old,” you said, taking a sip of your sugary chocolatey drink.

She nodded in agreement. “Ditto.”

“Anyways, how was your trip? You meet anyone...do anything..?” she asked, pouring an _extra_ sugar packet into her already sucrose-laden drink. You yourself _loved_ sugar and all things sweet, but if anyone loved it more, it was Tessa. 

You started, “To be completely honest, nothing really happened. Just had some quality time with my mom and dad for the first time in a while, and that was it. Ever since El-Eleanor, things have been s-so hard...but we-we are doing...alright,” you said, feeling your eyes begin to water.

“Ohh, doll, it’s okay,” she said, attempting to give you some much-needed consolation. 

You put your head down on the table, burying your face into your arms, beginning to sob and sniffle. 

About a year ago, your younger sister, Eleanor had passed away in a car accident on a road trip to California with her friends. She was the one driving, at around seventy-five miles an hour. A large pickup truck swerved into her lane on the two-lane road, and she did not have enough time to get over into the ditch. The head-on collision killed everyone in her car, and it was later discovered that the man in the pickup truck had been drunk. 

He had a blood alcohol concentration of 0.25 percent. He was so past the point of just being ‘drunk’ that even to this day you struggled to understand how he had the cognitive ability to get into the truck in the first place. 

You were angry, you felt betrayed, you took her loss personally, and it completely shattered you. If you didn’t have Tessa with you for all those years, if you didn’t have her to make you feel better, you don’t know what would have happened to you. You were so close to El when she was around, which made losing her the most painful thing you’d experience in your life. There is so much you wanted to see her do and accomplish. So many memories you wanted to make with her that you wouldn’t be able to.

You sat up, reaching into your purse for your small little packet of Kleenex, wiping your nose, and drying your tears. 

“Aww, sweetheart, it will be alright,” Tessa said, still holding your hand from across the table, looking up at you with a worried expression. 

Your own eyes were puffy and red, and your entire face was now flushed from your tears. 

All of a sudden, the adorable teenage boy named Nicolas that worked in the Brooklyn Cafe came over to Tessa. He had the biggest crush on her because after all, she was _Tessa Jones_ (in his eyes). It was probably around four in the evening by now, and this was when his shift started after school.

“H-hi T-Tessa,” he stumbled. You began to suddenly laugh through your tears. This innocent boy’s attempt at winning your best friend’s heart never failed to cheer you up. 

“Hey Nicolas!” she replied happily. “How are ya doing today man?” 

She was always so kind to him, even though she could never actually be in a relationship with him. Being a Sophomore in high school, he often was bullied many times by so many girls, but Tessa was the only person that saw him for who he really was. She never made fun of him, or made him feel stupid, or caused him any pain. 

She had this amazing ability to always be so kind without even trying. 

“Haha, I-I’m doing well,” Nicolas nervously replied. 

Unfortunately, the group of girls that were bullying him walked into the Cafe, ready to give him trouble. Very quickly, Tessa scooted over, telling Nick to sit down next to her and just act natural. The girls looked over at him, wanting to say something that would hurt his feelings, but instead, they were stuck with quite envious expressions when they saw he was sitting next to an extremely gorgeous young woman and her friend (you) sitting across the table. 

They watched from afar as he laughed and chatted with them, completely pretending that his bullies weren’t in line getting coffee. That was when the girls realized they had no power over him, and once they got their drinks, they left the Cafe rolling their eyes, definitely upset that he was able to so easily get along with _kinder, older_ girls with ease.

For only a few more minutes, you and Tessa talked with Nicolas before he had to go work his shift. After he left, you saw your friend smirk at you before picking up her phone and texting someone. 

You sniffled with your nose still running, but luckily, your tears had finally dried. “Tessa...what are you doing?” you asked her, in a playfully accusatory tone. 

“What are you talking about?” she responded, all innocent.

“Oh, stop acting innocent. You’re doing something on your phone...and you’re so not telling me about it!”

“No way!” she blurted.

“Ugh. Fine,” you said, just letting go of it. 

You two moved past your stupid disagreement and just gossiped about everything happening in your lives, all the way from the stupid drama between people in your school all the way to future plans after college. As you know, when you get really into the conversations you have with friends, the most random topics come up. 

“Yeah, and I heard Maddie was cheating on Jayden. Isn’t that just terrible...they were together literally since Junior year of high school, apparently,” Tessa said. By now, her coffee was down to the whipped cream and it made a funny noise as she tried getting it to go through the straw. 

“Fuck. That really does suck. I would just be heartbroken if I lost someone like that...after knowing them forever,” you said. Finally, you laughed at her, giving her shit about her straw, and just told her to scoop the whipped cream out instead. 

Nearly a full hour passed by and you two were still in the coffee shop, carelessly blabbering and losing track of time. 

“But yeah, I’m pretty nervous about graduation in May. I keep getting nightmares about failing finals...or getting in serious trouble...or going to jail…or something. I never feel like I will be ready, and it just _always_ feels that way,” you confided. 

“Eh, same. But I think everyone feels that way, in more ways than none. We should be good, though, and again, just remember the things I told you,” she reassured. “You’re one of the most brilliant, and tolerable, people I know.”

You smiled at her, saying, "thank you." Behind you, you heard the door of the Cafe ring open. Someone walked in, standing right by your table. Before you could even understand what was happening, Tessa yelled, “Surprise!” 

You turned and saw that your boyfriend of one year, Joshua Newberry, had surprised you.

_So that’s what Tessa was doing on her phone. Huh._

You excitedly got up from your booth and hugged him. You pulled away, saying, “Hi Joshua! I missed you so much, what are you doing here? I thought you weren’t supposed to come home for another week?” 

Being a full one year _younger_ than you, Joshua had been away on a fall vacation with his family in the sunny Bahamas for the last week and was supposed to be gone for yet another week. He goes to NY University and is majoring in Music Theory with a concentration in Contemporary Production and Songwriting. 

And of course, he plays the guitar beautifully, and his talent fails to amaze you. 

“Silly, I surprised you! I told you I would be gone for two weeks, but our trip only went for one, and I just got back today,” he said, pressing a quick kiss to your lips. You blushed, hugging him again. 

“Here, come sit by me,” you said, grinning, inviting him into the booth. 

Joshua had medium-length, blonde hair, blue eyes, and wore these adorable round glasses that it seemed only _he_ could pull off. He wore light denim jeans and had his usual brown sweater on; it always smelled so much like him. 

“Tell me about your trip, what did you do?” you asked.

“Well, my trip was pretty good babe. We went swimming and spent literally all of our time on the beach drinking Trulys and Mike’s Hard,” he said. “Honestly, it was super dope.”

“That sounds wonderful, I’m so happy for you,” you replied. Something, however, didn’t sit quite right with you. About him, and his weirdly monotonous tone. He seemed just off—as though he wasn’t as happy as he was saying. 

Maybe he’s just tired, no big deal. 

“Thanks,” he said, slightly shrugging. 

Tessa just looked at you and could tell maybe something was off, but the air felt too heavy to pay it any acknowledgment.

“Do they have any _good_ drinks in here?” he added, almost sounding disgusted as he glanced at your empty cup of mocha coffee and whipped cream. You just looked at Joshua, feeling slightly heartbroken over a stupid cup of coffee. 

_He knows I love this place. And their drinks. Why is he being such a dick?_

In an irritated fashion, he just got up and went to the front desk and when he came back, you could see he had a regular black coffee. He didn’t even say anything to you. 

You continued to make excuses for him, always giving him the benefit of your doubts even if he didn’t deserve it.

_Stop overthinking, he’s just tired from his trip._

“H-hey Joshua, is everything okay?” you asked. “You-you seem a little upset right now is all.”

“No worries darling, I’m doing alright. Just exhausted from my trip. My parents have been fucking pressing me for the last few months to change my major...they don’t fucking think I can get anywhere with music. Little late mom and dad, don’t you think? I’ll be a fucking senior. Plus music is my dream, it always has been, and-and they _know_ that.” 

You relaxed your expression, dropping your shoulders, immediately beginning to feel relaxed. Even though your understanding of new information about what Joshua was dealing with hurt you and made you feel bad for him, it made you feel relieved in some twisted way.

Because at least _you_ weren’t the issue.

“Awww Joshua, I’m so sorry—” 

“Shut the _fuck_ up! You don’t fucking understand! My parents are threatening to stop paying for my tuition unless I switch my major!” he lashed out. A few other customers in the Cafe looked over, morbidly curious at why some dude was angrily yelling out of nowhere. 

Your face heated up with embarrassment as you felt more tears rush to your eyes, and your throat started to hurt since you struggled to stop yourself from crying.

Tessa appeared to look sad about this situation. She never wanted this to happen, all she wanted was for you and your boyfriend to spend some time together. That’s why she invited him in the first place. 

Not for him to take out his anger about his personal problems on you.

“Hey, that’s your _fucking_ girlfriend you’re talking to. She’s trying to make you feel better. Be a little kinder to her, _asshole_. _This_ isn’t her fault,” she said, coming to your defense. You were very thankful for her, especially now. She always chose your side over his, which is a perfect representation of how wonderful of a person she is. 

You were also thankful you weren’t alone with him in the Cafe, since he always got angry at you whenever you tried making him feel better. He was moody all the time. This event was one of many times Joshua had verbally hurt you, or when he made you feel bad when you never did anything wrong in the first place. 

She was genuinely able to see through Joshua instead of making excuses for him. To be frank, she never really liked him in the first place. You were thankful Tessa was in there with you, she knew he was like this. 

“I-I’m sorry,” he mumbled, looking down at his coffee, sounding both insincere _and_ ingenuous. His words never seemed to match up with his actions, but truth be told, you were used to it. Ever since you met him, he was like this. 

The self-esteem issues, the feeling sorry for yourself, the never feeling good enough, it was always there with Joshua. 

As _hygiene_ is to showering, and as _feeling good_ is to your favorite dessert, _loneliness_ is to Joshua. 

You sighed, yet again. “Uhhh. It’s alright Joshua, I, um, I understand. But what I was saying...was that maybe if you talk to your parents about it, or something, they might hear your side.” 

“I did, and they have. But by now, they thought I’d have released my music and stuff, but I have not,” he confessed. 

“What? You told me you released your stuff on Spotify—” you questioned in disbelief. You remembered when he told you he did this but wasn’t ready to show you. Or rather, because he never released any music. 

Red-hot anger built up inside you. “Wait...did you lie to me?” 

Joshua’s face turned pale. 

He realized he should not have just said that, moving his hand up to run it through his hair anxiously. “Ohh, shit, I...I forgot...you weren’t supposed to find out...sorry.”

This would have been one of the only times you could defend yourself since he was caught in the wrong. 

“Joshua! I thought you were done with the lies! For all I know, this is an entire lie and you’re just trying to get me to feel bad for your sorry ass. Or you want me to give you _money_ or something. Or maybe you lied to your parents, too. But if you’re being honest and your parents won’t finish paying your tuition, then I’m sorry. _For the love of God,_ just stop making promises if you can _not_ fucking keep them,” you spat, doing your best to keep your voice down.

He was clearly losing his temper again. “Fucking dumb _bitch,”_ he muttered angrily.

You moved your head to see the other patrons in the shop, and at this point, they were watching your interaction with Joshua like it was a movie and it made you feel even more hurt and embarrassed. 

_People that love me shouldn’t make me feel this way in public. Or ever._

His hurtful words immediately struck you somewhere deep in your core, and you felt a pang of sadness encapsulate your breaking little heart. 

Another round of tears began forming in your eyes, and this time, it was too much to hold back. After the emotional rollercoaster that was talking to Tessa about Eleanor, then being surprised with Joshua, then having him lash out, _then_ watching Tessa lash out at him, then _you_ lashing out, then having him hurt your feelings again, you couldn’t hold it in. It was a vicious cycle of too many emotions right now.

You felt like everything in your world was collapsing in on itself, a dam breaking. 

As you began to cry, you silently collected your belongings and pulled your sweatshirt over your head. You scooted out of the booth, and whimpered, “I-I’m going home. It’s getting late and...I’m tired.” You wiped your nose with your sleeve.

Neither Tessa nor Joshua said anything, they just watched you as you turned away and walked out the door, the little bell jingling. Your best friend most assuredly felt terrible for you while your boyfriend was busy simmering with anger.

Your tears felt cold on your cheeks as they trickled down. It was getting dark out, and you were shivering. Your walk home, however, wasn’t too far from Sunset Park. You felt as though running would help channel your emotions into something, so you ran. You began running, happy with your decision since you couldn’t stop your tears. 

Unsurprisingly to you, after less than sixty seconds of your mini-marathon, you were exhausted and opted to just fucking walk like a normal human being instead. 

Out of your peripheral vision, you saw a little red car slow down to your speed. At first, it spooked you, but soon those feelings vanished. _Ah, yes._ A red Toyota. _Joshua’s red Toyota._

“Hey! I’m sorry about what I said, but you know I can’t let you walk home!” he yelled, rolling down his window. 

You ignored his cries, keeping your eyes in front of you and your feet were now gently stomping down the pavement. You were still panting and your throat was burning from the frigid, autumn air after your stupid forty-second run. 

_This was stupid. I should have known it was going to get down to forty degrees tonight._

This time he said your name. “Please, get in!!” he yelled.

You stopped walking, crossed your arms, and considered him for a moment. His car came to a stop. 

_“Fine,”_ you said, complaining. 

You meandered over to the other side of Joshua's car, walking in the front of it, and you clambered angrily into the passenger seat. “I’m _still_ not talking to you. I’m mad at you still.” 

He just let out another huff, trying to get you to reason with him. “Listen. I really am sorry for being such a dick. Take this ride as the worst apology...but please...please forgive me.” 

You looked at him with your puffy eyes, but it was getting difficult to remain mad. He was trying to be nice to you, so, being _the girl you were,_ you easily believed him.

“You hurt me! And you made me feel so terrible about myself! I’ve been crying all this time!” you barked. “I’m really getting tired of this. Of you always making feel like _nothing._ Just...really getting tired.” 

You wiped your eyes and nose again. 

“Honey, I _really_ am sorry,” he said. 

You smiled, replying, “Okay. I believe you.” 

“Now let me take you home?”

“Thank you. Going home sounds great.”

The rest of your five-minute ride to your house passed by in comfortable silence. At last, the car came to a slow stop as it arrived up to your building. 

_387 Cambridge St. Levittown, Brooklyn, NY 13216_

_Home._

Joshua pulled over, so you could get out. Based on the direction he came down the road, you could see your building from outside the passenger window. 

Your home was a light grey color with a red-shingled roof, and the entrance door was made of dark mahogany wood and a black screen door in front of that. A normal looking sidewalk greeted you, and then there were little concrete steps that led up to the door itself. The front lawn was now turning a pale, dead color due to the changing weather. Luckily, the bushes in front of your house were still alive and the pink bougainvillea flowers growing on them still had their color, albeit fading. The poor petals appeared to be shriveled up and dying. 

It was a bit hard to see everything as the sun had set about an hour ago, but by now, you knew your building and what it should look like.

“Well, thank you for the ride, Joshua. I’m gonna go. Talk to you tomorrow?” you asked, ready to leave. Your eyes felt sore from all the crying you’d been doing. 

“Um, actually, maybe you could stay with me and come to this party I’m going to later. Gonna just hang and chill with some friends since I was gone for a week, would you be down?” he questioned, seeming to ask you on the fly, as though he just remembered he was going to a party tonight. 

You thought about it for a minute, before saying, “But I’m pretty tired. Plus I’m not _completely_ ready to forgive you.”

“Please come with me,” he begged, grabbing your arm.

All of the resulting guilt he caused you to feel took over, so you simply obliged. “Alright, alright. Let me go change into something, first,” you agreed. 

He let go of your arm, letting you exit his car and walk up to your door. 

You pulled out your keys with a newfound excitement when you remembered _who_ was in there, and before you could fully open your door, your baby boy german shepherd named Zeus was already jumping on you, excited that you remembered he was there all by himself all afternoon. 

“Hi, Zoosey! What’s going on little guy!” you happily squeaked. He loved his little nickname and began happily barking at you as he got up and jumped on your lower waist. He whined with excitement, and his giddy little butt swayed in time with his tail wagging.

“I know, I know, buddy—let me let you outside, okay?” you asked him, knowing he wouldn’t respond anyway.

He was still a tiny pup, and his ears weren’t yet standing up. You’d just gotten him a few weeks ago, and you took him with you to Colorado to see your parents. Clearly, they loved him. He was a very sweet, obedient, and innocent dog, and you were so thankful you had him, especially since you were still grieving the loss of Eleanor. 

You took your coat off and walked through the house to the back sliding door, where you opened it and let your baby Zeus frolic and play and take a shit in the dying grass. For a moment, you wished you could be excited about going out that door as he was. 

Inside your home, you turned back around to be met with your kitchen. Your cabinets were a light brown wooden color, and your countertops were simple granite. Opposite the kitchen was a small beige dining table, which you usually ate at alone, with Tessa, or with Joshua on occasion. As you made your way back through the house, there was a bathroom on the right side of the hallway adjacent to the dining table. Your living room, which was near the front door, was one of your favorite places to be. You had a very soft white couch with a million pillows and two of your favorite, softest blankets. Instead of going out, all you wanted was to stay there and turn on the television. Right in front of the couch was a small coffee table you kept snacks on and magazines, and the staircase was just through the living room.

Upstairs, your room was the first door on the right. Your room was a calm dark grey color, and your bed was a queen. You had a black desk up there and a small little bookshelf. Your closet was home to all of your clothes. Down the hallway, there was another bathroom, and at the very end was your art studio. You preferred writing in your room, sometimes at your desk, and other times on your bed or on the couch in the living room. 

The only reason you were a _senior_ in college with a fucking _house_ was because of the lawsuit last October. Your family sued the drunk driver’s family for one million dollars in total damages, but you actually ended up with around five-hundred thousand dollars in the settlement. Your parents gave you a large sum to keep for yourself to help pay for college, and you figured you would buy a house in Brooklyn, too. Your parents used the money to move to Colorado Springs and get away from the city, as well. You all used to live in New York, but things really do change when you lose someone. 

And that’s why you moved to Brooklyn, and not somewhere like Manhattan or New York City. The homes were exponentially cheaper, plus you just needed to get away from the ruckus of city life. Brooklyn was cozier, and more inviting anyway. 

But you didn’t even know if this change was for better or worse. 

Getting the money made you feel immense guilt and pain. You’d rather pay off hundreds of thousands of student loans forever _and_ be homeless if it meant Eleanor was alive. The tears started building in your eyes again, pangs of heartbreak startling you once more. You really didn’t want to leave and go with Joshua to some party, but you felt like things between the two of you would get worse if you didn’t. You worried he might get angry at you, _again._

Over the course of your relationship, he never once asked _you_ what you wanted to do, and if he did, you ended up doing something he wanted to _in addition._

After you looked around your empty house, you sighed and wiped your eyes again. You ran quickly upstairs and changed out of your leggings into your favorite black ripped jeans that flattered your curves along with your soft maroon sweater to go along with it. You went into the bathroom and fixed your hair and makeup, wanting to at least be _presentable_ to Joshua’s friends. 

After you finished doing your thing, you went back downstairs and let Zeus in. “You want a treat buddy?”

You walked over to the box of treats on the counter, pulling out his Milk-Bone biscuit. 

“Zoosey, sit, buddy,” you instructed. He happily listened. _I guess my puppy training is working after all._

He took his treat and ran into the living room where his bed was. He only needed his kennel for about two months before he got the hang of potty training. His good doggy manners always were a surprise, especially considering your parents’ dog, Toby, who was the definition of _mischief._

He tore up your parent’s couches back in your New York home many years ago when you were a young girl, and to this day, he still was acting absolute nuts and chewed your parents’ various belongings at their new home out west, in Colorado. You would know this to be true—the last time you saw Toby, he ate your brand new pair of shoes and you found what was left of them next to your bed in a slobbery pile of rubber and cloth. 

You heard your pup chomping on his treat and realized you had to go, it had been ten minutes already. You grabbed your coat, cell phone, and everything you needed. You made sure the back door was locked before heading out the front door, locking it behind you and telling Zeus you’d be back and you loved him. You left on the floor lamp next to the front door so your Zeus could still see for when he wanted to get water and food from his bowls.

Stepping back out into the cold air, you quickly rushed back into Joshua’s car. The heat was still on, and it felt so good in comparison to the cold breeze outside. 

“Sorry, Joshua. Had to let baby Zeus out and change,” you apologized, sticking out your bottom lip. 

“No worries, just happy you’re going with me,” he responded. 

You smiled, glowing at the fact he wanted you to go with him. Maybe, his trip away was what he needed. _Maybe,_ he was finally turning a new leaf and beginning to appreciate you more instead of constantly leaving you in the dark, feeling like you didn’t matter. 

“So, we’re meeting up at Colton’s place for the party. He said bring your own beer, so hopefully, that explains the case of Coors Light in the back, babe.” You looked in the back seat, and surely enough the beer was there. “He only lives forty-five minutes from here, so not too far, eh?” 

You started, “Well, Colton’s the funny looking one, with-with the blonde hair, right?” You paused, feeling disbelief. “ _And what?_ Forty-five minutes away, _what the fuck?_ Why can’t he just have his party near here or in one of the dorms?”

“Well, his parents live in a mansion in Greystone on Hudson, in a private gated community. And...his parents are out of town. We can do whatever we want in that mansion. Colton’s twenty-one, so he can legally let us into the property. So, yeah I would say the drive is definitely worth it.” 

“Ughh. Fine. We can go,” you said. 

_I really, really don’t want to, though. Oh well._

Joshua then shifted his car into drive, you put on your seatbelt, adding, “Also, can we _maybe_ only stay like an hour?”

“Of course, uhh yeah, I _guess_ that sounds good with me. But, it’s not even _eight_ in the evening,” he said, not really tacking on any emotion to his words.

The drive out of Brooklyn largely was uneventful, but you made the best out of the situation. You opted to listen to some music on the way to the party, getting lost in your own emotions and feelings. However, once you drove through Manhattan, your boyfriend caught some road rage. 

“Stupid fucker!” he yelled out his window at the driver that tried cutting him off as he was trying to merge on the expressway. He put his middle finger up with angry force and angrily slammed his hand down on the steering wheel.

You admonished him. “Well, if you weren’t _speeding_ into traffic, maybe he wouldn’t have tried cutting you off! Clearly, _you_ were in his way! Are you trying to get us kill—” you halted your speech, remembering Eleanor, how she died on the expressway. Except she was on a two-lane road, and it was an intoxicated driver. You felt nothing, not even a single tear formed in your eyes. Maybe, somewhere in that time Joshua tried apologizing to you or something about his driving rage, but you didn’t feel like listening. He knew her. Joshua had known El as a friend for a few years before you knew him. She was his age, one year younger. 

You calmed yourself down and put in your headphones, turning up the music louder and putting your head back, and closing your eyes. That sudden rush of adrenaline must have put you to sleep because you didn’t remember the rest of the car ride. 

-

You felt yourself wake up, stretching out your arms. The red Toyota was now moving much slower, and soon it came to a stop, pulling up to Colton’s. His house was _definitely_ his parents’ place because it was _a mansion_ in comparison to your little abode. _No way_ would he be able to own that by himself. It was a golden-tan color with large windows and an extremely fancy dark brown roof. You could see chandeliers hanging inside the house from the ceiling on the second floor. People were all over the lawn, talking to each other and drinking and smoking as the sound of music played somewhere from inside the house. 

Joshua walked you to the front door, and you nervously waited for someone inside to greet you. A few moments later, after he rang the doorbell, the large door swung open from the inside.

“Heyyy, Joshuaaaa!! Long time, no see, dude!” you heard his blonde friend exclaim, pulling him into what you knew as a “bro hug.” He was already buzzed with whatever he was drinking out of the bottle in his hand. 

“Hey Colt!” he said in return. He introduced you to his friend once more, saying, “This is my girlfriend, you remember her? From the last party, the one we had in your dorm?” You vividly remember having a pretty fun time at that dorm party, and Tessa was actually with you at the time.

“Yeah...I think I remember you. Hello again, please come in,” Colton said, directed towards you. “Parents are outta town,” he added, winking.

Joshua walked in first, seeming to forget you were there next to him, yet you happily followed behind him. Colton’s parents’ house was beautiful on the inside, you forgot what their jobs were, but _boy_ did they have some money. First of all, the place was crammed with a bunch of college students dressed in night-wear outfits holding red solo cups. There were two large staircases on either side of the entry room, meeting up at a large balcony on the second floor at the top. The giant chandelier you could see from the outside was up at the top of the ceiling, shining and beautiful. 

Immediately, you felt remarkably out of place for this type of environment, but you wouldn’t give any indication of that to Joshua or anyone near you. People could be seen making out all over the place, some of them you recognized from your classes, but most you didn’t. Loud rap music could be heard from the large room in the back of the house, and Colton was leading you and your boyfriend closer to it. 

You decided to keep your purse around, fully knowing it would get lost or stolen if you didn’t.

Even more people were packed into the living room, and the exquisite-looking kitchen was trashed with food, bags of chips, and loads of bottles of alcohols, wines, vodkas, beers, seltzers, and even a plate of jello shots. 

_This was crazy. Not even close to the parties you were used to, or could tolerate._

The music in the background was actually a rap song you liked. _Birthday Sex by Jeremih. Classic 2009s._

You began to make out the words and decided that you could internally be a stripper. Unfortunately, it wasn’t your birthday, nor was Joshua going to have sex with you. Ever since El, you just hadn’t been interested in having his mediocre penis inside of you ever again. That, combined with his less-than-desirable sex experience, you just never wanted to do anything with him. But of course, you didn’t tell him that, you just told him you weren’t feeling up for it, and thankfully, he respected your wishes. 

Your spark of sexual energy between the two of you during the first few months of your relationship was very much dead. Along with nearly everything you two had shared, you could feel it slipping away. But you were too afraid to let Joshua go. Because even if you walked away, Joshua wouldn’t come back for you.

And that terrified you. He was your first of many things, and letting him go...well...it just couldn’t happen. 

You couldn’t be the one to break his heart.

On the bright side, however, you did have your trusty vibrator that you kept hidden in your room, and goodness did you have fun with that lovely little invention. Your pussy was more than happy with being sexually satisfied with your loyal buzzing friend, you didn’t need him to fuck you for him to make you happy, since was there for you emotionally. 

_Right?_

Well...most of the time. When he wasn’t the one _causing_ your sadness and emotional distress. 

The chorus of _Birthday Sex_ returned to your eardrums and you remembered. 

_Oh, shit. I’m at a party. Maybe I could go talk to Joshua’s friends. Or meet a new friend. Or go get something to drink._

A girl you didn’t know came up to talk to you. “Hey. Never seen you before, and I hate parties. The name’s Hale. Ophelia Hale,” she said. She had gorgeous, long black hair with a seamless magenta ombre fading into the back of her hair that beautifully complemented her complexion. 

You introduced yourself, “Hi! It’s nice to meet you. I hate parties, too. My boyfriend wanted me to come with so badly, so here we are.” You gestured over to Joshua, who could be seen talking with a group of random dudes. 

“I go to NYU, for Psychology,” you said. 

“Nice, I graduated last May. From Columbia,” she said. You nearly spit out your drink. 

“Colombia? Girl, good for you! I barely got into NYU, and Colombia rejected me.”

“Shit, sorry about that. I got in on a full-tuition scholarship for Computer Programming and Coding. I wouldn’t say I’m the best at it, but I am damn good. I don’t know. Turns out they really fucking want women in science, or some shit.” 

You laughed, feeling thankful she had a sense of humor and wasn’t all serious. Most people that went to such prestigious colleges talked about their education as though they had a stick shoved seven feet up their asses. 

“I know right! But holy moly, that’s incredible. Good for you,” you replied, giggling. 

“Well, who are you here with?” Ophelia asked. 

“Oh, I’m here with my boyfriend, his name’s Joshua Newberry. Over there with the brown sweatshirt and jeans,” you replied, pointing at him. 

Joshua noticed you were looking at him, so he pulled himself from his conversation with those random guys, walking over to you. “Hey, wanna go get some drinks?” He pointed to the messy kitchen, smiling. 

“Yeah sure, sounds great. But I’m only having one,” you said, laughing again. 

She quickly pulled out a business card, something that you guessed to be related to her career, but when you read it, it had her cell number on it, so it would work. You slipped it into your back pocket. 

“Catch ya later, Ophelia.”

You meandered over to the kitchen, following Joshua. You saw your favorite alcoholic drink, champagne, and took the unopened bottle from the small ice cooler on the floor, beginning to feel excited about getting tipsy and finally letting yourself loose. It actually had been a very long time since you’d drank. You popped open the top of the bottle, with the cork opener you saw on the counter. You found a glass on the counter and filled your entire glass all the way to the brim. 

“Wow, champagne again? Every party you drink that shit. Expensive taste, huh.” Joshua said, watching you fill your glass. “Geez, don’t you think that’s enough? You can always come back for more.”

Joyously, turning to him and smiling, you took a small sip and felt instant relaxation the second the chilled, syrupy liquid coated your tongue, and traveled down your throat. It tasted like Heaven. “Gonna come back for more anyways,” you said. 

Joshua was having a regular beer, and the two of you moved over to the other side of the counter. He was just standing there quietly, observing the crowd of people. Colton had disappeared off someone into the abyss of his house, but you didn’t really care where he was. 

You began having a sensation of giddiness after you took a few more sips, knowing that soon you’d be out of it. Able to forget all of your problems, even if it was for a moment. 

“Come dance with me,” you complained to your boyfriend. “This is _boring_ and you dragged me here so I want to have _fun_ now.” 

He chuckled, “Of course you’re bored, this is a party. I know you would rather be at home writing or watching your shows, I know. But you’re my pretty girlfriend, and I couldn’t leave you by yourself on a night like this.”

Whether it was your drink or his nice words, you easily began glowing, taking his hand and moving your body seductively to the rap music. People were all around you, dancing and grinding on each other like horny animals during mating season. Very briefly, you set your glass on the table behind you, putting your arms in the air, wanting to get closer to your boyfriend and let him touch you down the side of your body.

As he was doing it, however, something odd started happening. 

He was still touching down your curves, but he was looking behind you, just past where he should have been looking into your eyes. You turned your head around to see behind you, saying, “What are you looking at?” 

When you turned around nobody was there, just people dancing. “Oh, nothing, just thought I saw someone, sorry,” he replied. You hurriedly grabbed your drink, knowing you didn’t want to leave it there too long, and you took a big sip. 

“Who were you looking for?"

“Just...uhh...a friend. That’s all. Nothing to worry about, please. Don’t worry.” 

“Okay then babe, let’s keep dancing.” You felt the music run through your body once more, fresh confidence striking your nervous system with a passion. You began screaming out the music, indifferent to the other partygoers’ opinions of the behavior you were exhibiting. Fearlessly, this continued for the next ten minutes, and by now you were having a blast. 

Eventually, you took the last sip of your champagne, but a few minutes after, your world started appearing blurry. You could still hear the music, but it was only a distant echo. You felt your lips trying to move, singing along to the music, but you weren’t sure if the words were coming out. The legs that supported your figure began feeling weak, and as you were trying to dance, you started stumbling over your feet.

People around you appeared to be spinning, and you could not tell if they were staring at you or laughing at you. Everyone looked completely normal, their voices blended together into a muddle of noise, and you felt like you slipped into a dream-state, floating between consciousness and unconsciousness. Joshua looked worried, but you could barely make out his expression.

It felt as though you fell to the floor and your head _barely_ missed the coffee table behind you, and everything went black. 

After an unidentifiable amount of time, your brain became aware of what was happening, and you could see the surroundings around you, but things were blurry. You felt like you were laying down? No, it wasn’t quite that. Someone was carrying you with every step as you noticed your head was bouncing gently with every step. At least they had the decency to support your head with their arm.

You felt yourself being brought upstairs, but you were so sleepy that you just assumed maybe you were at home still, completely disregarding the fact that you could hear party music blasting in the background. 

You began to hear some people angrily yelling around you, a mixture of mindless bickering and serious fighting. 

During this entire time, you had your eyes closed and were only imagining seeing your surroundings, but you could still see. You still felt extremely relaxed and at peace. Maybe you hadn’t been drinking champagne, maybe you accidentally had something too strong and that’s why you were feeling so floaty. 

Your eyelids opened slightly, and you could identify the person carrying you as Joshua. The sound of people fighting in the background faded away as you reached what felt like the final step of the staircase. 

Maybe Joshua was trying to make sure you were alright by getting you away from the party and someone figured out what you drank. 

He laid you down on a very soft bed inside a tan-colored room that was probably super fancy. “Shh, this will all be over soon,” you heard him say, and you believed his words, smiling as you let yourself drift off again. 

Very subtly, you also heard some muttering between two guys, this time. _Is that my boyfriend and Colton talking?_

You struggled to open your eyes, but when you did, it was a mere squint. The room lights dimmed around you, and it made it a bit easier to see what was going on. The bright lights made you feel like you were looking into the fucking sun. 

And then you saw him.

_Colton._

You saw Colton above you. 

Again, things were awfully blurry, but what you were feeling was nothing short of sadness and dread. He leaned down, and began to kiss your lips in a disgusting manner that made you want to run away, forever. You weakly lifted your arms and tried pushing him away, but he was much stronger than you in this situation. Only then did you realize you had been drugged. Someone must have put something in your drink.

It was probably the boy currently trying to violate you who did it when you set your drink down behind you. 

You tried speaking, you tried begging him to stop. _“P-please_...no...no...no,” you whispered. 

He probably knew you were awake, but he didn’t care. You tried looking around the room, wondering where Joshua was, but you realized that the drugs likely caused you to hallucinate his voice earlier. 

Hot, fresh tears pooled in your eyes and trickled down the side of your face, going into your ears as he continued his assault on your body. You could not believe this was happening. After not going to a party for a while, you thought tonight might be different. You should have been able to enjoy your night as much as you could, without worrying about something like this happening. 

Your vision went black again, and it was nice for a moment. You weren’t crying, you weren’t sad, you weren’t anything. Maybe you were dying and soon you would see Eleanor again. You never wanted to die, but that seemed better than the terrible things someone wanted to do to you. For better or worse though, you woke up again, but this time your pants were gone and you were shirtless, only in your bra and underwear. 

Colton was completely undressed, really taking his time and trying to drag this out. It made you want to pretty much be sad forever.

How could someone do this to you? How could they make you feel so worthless? As though the only thing you had to offer was your body. 

Your face was still hot, and as if he didn’t care you were under distress, he pulled down your underwear with complete ease.

“Shhh, stop. There’s nothing you can do now, nowhere to go. I get to have you now, and if you tell anyone, I will fucking _kill_ you,” he threatened. You shuddered, feeling a fresh wave of fear wash down your body. 

_“Colton,_ stop, please,” you quietly begged. Your voice was just below a whisper before you could feel your vision go black again, floating off into nothingness. You could not handle the gravity of the situation on top of being drugged, so you let yourself sleep. 

You woke up to the feeling of something pressing into your entrance, and it hurt _terribly._ He was trying to stretch you so painfully, and it made you cry even more. He was going so slow, pushing himself in. But almost as though someone was watching over you, maybe a higher power, you could hear loud sirens coming from somewhere. 

The door to the room busted open, and although you couldn’t see them, two large men dressed in uniforms came through. They angrily ripped Colton from off the bed and shoved his disgustingly degenerate naked ass down to the floor on his stomach. You felt schadenfreude to hear what sounded like him getting the wind knocked from his lungs. 

They cuffed his hands, then angrily pulled him up. They forced some underpants on him so he wasn’t ass naked, but he didn’t deserve the dignity of a shirt. For the final time, more tears involuntarily ran down the side of your face. They were tears of joy. 

Your vision went cloudy and faded into black again, but this time, you didn’t wake up. 

-

 **_25 October 2009_** ****

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

You shifted around. Wearing different clothing. A different bed. Bedding. A blanket. You were in a bed, wondering what just happened, or if you had died in a car accident when Joshua was getting cut off on the expressway, or something. You had no idea where you were, and part of you didn’t wanna know. 

A few voices whispered around you. 

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

You opened your eyes and were met with a blinding, white light. So by now, you thought you were definitely going into the afterlife. To your greatest surprise, you began to come to and your vision started going back to normal. 

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

It was now very obvious to you that you were in a _hospital._ Since your eyes adjusted, the bright lights on the ceiling appeared to not be so bright. Your mother was there. She saw that you were waking up and immediately scooted her seat closer to you. 

You were hooked up to a heart monitor that was right next to you, each _beep_ a reminder you were alive. 

“Hi honey, how are you feeling?” her sweet voice whispered as she ran a hand through your hair. 

“M-mom?” you squeaked. 

“Yes, honey, it’s me.” 

“Where am I?”

“You’re in the hospital. Brooklyn Hospital Center,” she said.

“What happened?”

“Poor thing...do you think you can remember?”

You paused for a moment, trying to think and see if you had any recollection of your previous night. “Umm...no...not yet...I...ummm...I can’t remember.”

Putting her hand on your forehead, she said, “That’s alright honey, you might never remember, but you might. Just focus on resting for now.”

“Okay, mom.” As you responded to your mother, you started feeling even more disoriented than ever, and before you knew it, you were sitting up, a wave of nausea coursing through you. You found a tiny trashcan next to your bed on the floor and you took it off the floor puked inside of it, and a little went on your blanket. 

“It’s okay, let me go get the nurse,” she said, getting up and exiting the room. Seconds later, she returned with the person you guessed to be your doctor. He was tall and lanky with short brown hair and light skin and seemed like he used to be the kid in his class that knew every answer to every Calculus problem.

He said your name following a greeting, “My name is Doctor Zzarvaris, but you can call me Doctor Z. I've been taking care of you ever since your arrival early this morning. How are you feeling? I see that you just threw up, which is very expected in cases like this,” he said. 

“Well...I feel very nauseous and tired and my head hurts. And I can’t remember how I got here, or why I’m here,” you responded. 

The doctor just looked at your mother, concerned. 

“We talked with the police officers that brought you here—” 

“Police officers! Goodness...what was I up to?” you asked, more of a question for yourself if anything else. 

“—Just listen. You were at a party at Colton Mitchell’s house all the way in Greystone on Hudson. Apparently, he’s a rich kid and his parents definitely weren’t home. You went with your boyfriend, Joshua. Now, back to the police situation. At around ten-forty-five in the evening, an anonymous caller contacted local law enforcement and the fire department near the residency. They sent out a report of highly suspicious activity under Colton Mitchell’s name. He was extremely intoxicated, and they believed any and all of his actions against you were of a non-consensual nature. And when you were brought in around ten hours ago, your test results came back as we predicted.”

A terrible feeling bubbled up in your belly. 

After he said this, you started to notice a subtle stinging feeling in your vagina. 

“First thing is first: we detected small traces of Rohypnol in your blood, which explains why you have trouble remembering events, and I am greatly sorry for what happened to you. You are lucky you were given such a small dose. Although the person who did it is an immoral criminal, he was heavily intoxicated by that point. All things considered, you are a very lucky victim since your memory is likely to come back to you and you will be able to confirm the anonymous caller’s report.”

Just like that, some parts of your previous night resurfaced. You began remembering the party, going in with Joshua, and seeing Colton. The music was so loud, and you were tired and you wanted to go home. Nothing else came to you, though. 

Not yet.

Doctor Z continued, “Second thing: we have reason to believe you may have fallen and hit your head after becoming disoriented from the drug, which explains your nausea. You have developed a minor concussion. Unfortunately, the only thing we can not explain is why this happened, and again, I am terribly sorry you experienced this. Police are working on your case as we speak. Mitchell and Newberry are being held in prison.”

You began, “Wait...Joshua was involved in this?”

“Yes. Police have informed us he was involved in some way, but his motives currently remain unclear,” the doctor said. 

You didn’t respond. Honestly, nothing you could say would make you feel better. 

After he finished speaking, your mother took your puke bucket from your hands and set it on the floor. You shyly covered the bits that got on your blanket. The door opened again, and this time a woman with dark hair walked in. 

“Hello, I’m a gynecologist and I will be helping you today. My name is Raina. I’m here to perform a quick female exam on you to look for injuries, bleeding, and such,” she said with confidence and generosity. “I’m so, so sorry you went through this,” she said. 

You nodded. “I’m sorry I went through this, too. I know I don’t deserve it.” You weren’t sure what else to say.

“Feel better. Just know that everything will be alright,” Doctor Z added.

“Wait. Sorry. Thank you so much,” you said to him. “For taking care of me when I needed it.”

“Of course. None of this was your fault.” He smiled warmly before opening the door and exiting. 

Your mother looked at Raina, then back to you, and gathered her things to go wait out her door. You knew she wanted to give you privacy during your exam, which is something you silently were very thankful for. 

“Just pull your underwear down to your knees and spread your legs, please,” she kindly asked. “And try relaxing.”

You felt comfortable enough around her to do this, so you did as she asked. You wanted to know if you had serious damage _down there,_ so you were mature and didn’t let it bother you. 

You opened your legs, and she began your medical examination. It felt funny having her hands and other medical objects down there, but in a non-sexual way. You didn’t really like it, primarily because you’d _probably_ had enough strangers see your vagina in the last twenty-four hours. It was mostly just awkward. On a more serious note, you knew this check-up was necessary. 

Without your internal sense of humor, you wouldn’t survive anything. Gotta just tell yourself jokes sometimes, ya know?

“Well...everything looks good, but just the very outside of your vaginal canal has a bit of inflammation and irritation. I will send you home with some gentle vaginal cream and it will heal in a few days to two weeks. Everything else looks healthy and normal, I’m happy to say,” Raina said, looking relieved.

After she finished, she removed her gloves and turned away to wash off her tools.

You pulled your underwear and hospital shorts back up, feeling equally relieved as her, if not more. 

As you shifted around in your seat, you sat up, and it all happened. You began to remember last night. 

You sat there, paralyzed. 

After you’d met a girl named Hale (you guessed that was her name), you could remember going over to get a glass of champagne with Joshua. Then you were dancing, and acting crazy, and letting yourself go. You saw the look on Joshua’s face when something was wrong. Someone had been behind you, dropping the dubious Rohypnol into your cup, unbeknownst to its existence. 

He knew. He had been watching Colton do it, keeping you perfectly distracted. 

You began to sob, uncontrollable tears streaming from your tired eyes. _But why...why...why would he do that...how could he let Colton hurt me?_

And then that wasn’t even the worst part. You were dizzy, and then you were carried upstairs somehow. What you didn’t know was that Colton had just tried telling everyone you were his girlfriend and that you had drunk too much and was going to go bring you upstairs and take care of you. But you weren’t conscious enough to see anything. 

You remembered him threatening you, him holding you down, him beginning to violate you with pure hatred. As though you were an object, at his disposal. Then, you had been so in shock, so terrified at that moment, that when the police officers busted through the door, your mind finally let go, drifting into darkness. 

You rolled over on your side, crying and wailing into your pillow, repeating over and over again, “I remember now, I remember now, I remember now!” 

Raina rushed to your side. She tried rubbing your back gently, trying to console you and your pain. Your mother had returned as well, and she knelt down by the bed, rubbing your scalp gently. This episode of agony only continued for two more minutes before your emotions slowed down. 

“Uhmmm,” you sniffled, “I...uhmm...remember everything. In tiny fragments. But it all...was real. I was...so scared and...so alone.” 

You couldn’t see her, but Raina was crying. You only could see your mother, and she kissed the top of your head. Everyone that had been by your side knew you might remember, but they didn’t realize the _gravity_ of your ordeal would set in with such a force. 

“Shhhh, I know. It’s okay honey, I know,” your mother spoke. 

Raina gave you a box of Kleenex and even took your puke bucket over to the sink to clean it. She felt so terrible for you. Even though she was a doctor and had a job to do, she was still human. It was hard to watch people hurt. 

“Well, it’s over now. Gonna be alright, just gotta breathe now,” you said, wiping your eyes and nose with the Kleenex.

"Even though this just... _really_ hurts.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Author's Note:** if you read all of that, i hope you're feeling okay with it and hope you liked it! this chapter really sets the foundation for the modern time period. there is no kylo in this time period yet, but don't worry. in the next chapter for this time period, you will meet him. you'll see what i mean later!! 
> 
> i promise...just trust me. all of these things happened for a reason, and i hope you stick around to see what follows. i'm really going out of my comfort zone and trying something different with this story. 
> 
> also, please note that any associations between people in real life and the characters in my story are completely coincidental.
> 
> much love <3💖
> 
> This is my first time writing really anything in the world of fanfiction. I am relatively young in terms of other writers on this platform, and the Star Wars Cinematic Universe is the first fandom I am actively participating in. Constructive criticism is absolutely something I'm hoping for, but please be gentle. As most authors know, writing is very difficult. And personally, I'm quite sensitive to anything deliberately hurtful, not helpful, or discouraging.💌


	6. Chapter Six - Midnight Traveler

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Your discovery of the truth about the world, including everything you have come to know, shatters your heart.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ **Chapter Song:** Bad Enough, by NIGHT TRAVELER ](https://open.spotify.com/track/2b8bgS5wN0iQJCTcjNxfUA?si=Uk9BTXCvRxe7FEFUOnrmiQ) ♥️
> 
> _"I'll lay it on the line now, honey  
>  You're the one that I love  
> I'm right by your side  
> When the times get so tough  
> Hate we had to leave  
> You loved that midtown rush  
> Quiet in the hills (quiet in the hills)  
> Don't you think twice I'm telling you we'll make it here..."_
> 
> **Chapter Warnings: heavy mentions of politics (including oppression and discrimination), some acts of violence through the use of blasters, tranquilizer poisoning, emotions of panic, recollection of past trauma, unprotected piv sex (oral sex if you squint), issues and angst between kylo and his family**

****Chapter VI - Midnight Traveler** **

**_22 November 1810_ **

_Outside, you kissed Stanley on the nose, untying him and telling him to run on home, back to his barn. He nuzzled into you, neighing jubilantly, and before long he was on his merry trotting way._

Once Stanley arrived back at his home, he wanted to go into his barn, plop down onto the ground, and munch on some of his favorite hay. 

And that’s exactly what he did. 

But unfortunately, after he was alone eating for a while, he heard a large explosion coming from the same direction he came home from. Where she was, his loyal friend. 

_Where you were._

He was now too worried about her to keep consuming his yummy hay pile. 

So he pulled himself up, and trotted over to the front door of her home, beginning to knock his face and nose into the door of the Williams’ residency, neighing loudly to let everyone in her home know he wanted to get their attention.

If anything, his behavior more closely resembled an eager, worried puppy. 

Stanley heard some yelling in the home, maybe a few expletives in there, coming from her parents and sisters angrily quarreling at his noises. It was the middle of the night, and it was likely he had just woken them. But everyone in the house was still awake, though. 

Eleanor finally swung open the door, and her blonde curls bounced as she greeted Stanley.

“Oh, hello Stanley! You heard that scary noise, too, huh boy?” she asked him in a tone that almost mocked a baby, fully knowing that he was not going to respond. But alas, he was shivering and likely _terrified_.

“Everything will be alright,” she reassured him, kissing his large face and hugging him closely. He nuzzled back into her little body, which nearly caused her to topple to the ground. “Go back into your barn and lay down, okay?” she asked him whilst grinning warmly, pointing back to his stables. 

With a saddened, distraught-looking face, Stanley huffed, then trotted away back to his barn. 

Eleanor closed the door, turning back to her family members gathered around the kitchen table, papers and objects sprawled around as though a tornado had ripped across it. 

“Don’t worry, mother and father. I am sure that wherever she is, she is unharmed,” Eleanor suggested to your frustrated parents, with a note of optimism. “From what I know about her, and the letter I saw myself, she is with the highly esteemed Commander Ren. The one from your party, father."

Louisa decided to join the conversation, knowing that you’d defend her if the roles were reversed. “I think he’s a man you seem to judge far too quickly. Even though they have not known each other for long, he cares for our sister _madly_. I strongly reckon they’d never put each other in danger.” 

Your mother hurriedly interrupted. 

“Nevermind that. We’ve just contacted the International Criminal Police Organization. They were aware of an unknown bomb detonation five miles from here, long before we were made aware of it, and they have already gone to find your sister, wherever she is,” your mother chirped. "This bickering is mindless."

A few hard knocks sounded on the front door. 

“Stay here, I will greet our _visitor,”_ your father warned, lifting his finger and pointing to your infuriated mother and your two fraught sisters. 

After a few short moments, they could hear the door open, a rush of cold air entering their dimly lit home. Your father’s voice happily boomed at whoever was out there. 

“Adolphus, so wonderful to see you again!” he greeted. Footsteps echoed, the shifting of people moving around. 

Your father continued, “Come in, right this way, good sir.” 

Into the dining room walked a tall man with dark brown hair and quite ravishing clothing. He wore a black regimental uniform with beige pants, and appeared to be certainly older than your two sisters, but younger than your parents. 

_Ah, yes. Adolphus Adornskey._

He was one of Alexander’s men, but _before_ that, he was a family friend for many years. In fact, it had been five years since you saw him, you were much younger then. _Before_ Alexander must have gotten his ugly royal fangs on him, poisoning him with the influence of evil. 

Your parents didn’t know this information, but you did. You could have sworn you saw someone _eerily_ familiar right after the explosion happened in the shady alley in Abergele Market.

Adolphus Adornskey now was under the influence of a dangerous group of people known as the Malum Ascendancy, who had been wreaking havoc on the world, completely unseen and undiscoverable.

And what’s worse is that because he has such a familiar, addictive rush of evil running through his blood, Adolphus’ enticing yet destructive rhetoric resulted in the British government appointing him President of Interpol, an organization designed to keep people _safe_. 

Or rather, under his presidency, designed to protect royal criminals at the _expense_ of innocent lives. If Prince Beaumont had made it out of this situation alive, there's no doubt as to whether or not they would be protecting him.

A beat.

“Good evening and greetings to you all,” Adolphus said, walking in and bowing slightly for your sisters and mother. “I hope everyone is doing alright, given this quite dreadful situation.”

“Thank you for helping us, sir. We are appreciative beyond measure,” your mother admitted sweetly. “What information have you gathered that you can share with us?”

“We just investigated the scene of the explosion, and all parties involved were nowhere to be seen.”

Adolphus removed his black trench coat with a sigh, then a frown. 

“Unfortunately…Prince Alexander Beaumont of Oxford...was found at the scene... _murdered_. And we have reason to believe Commander Ren was involved in his murder. But never fear: we have sent an advanced _vehicle_ with innovative technology after him.”

The dining room fell hauntingly silent. Adolphus looked down to his boots, then turned to look up at your father. 

“It is likely your daughter is with him, and possibly others. As a result of these findings, if they are determined to be true, then Commander Ren, your daughter, and any remaining accomplices will be prosecuted at the highest extent of the law on the grounds of _treason,”_ Adolphus contended, a subtle trace of malice in his voice. 

“Likely by _execution.”_

Your father’s shoulders visibly dropped, his expression wilting, in resemblance of defeat and disappointment. 

“I am greatly apologetic for my conclusion, Arthur, but there is nothing else to be done at this moment in time,” he finished.

Your father stood up a little taller, a meager attempt at hiding his distress. “Let me tell you this, Adolphus. My wife and I begged our daughter to marry Prince Beaumont for weeks, but she would not give in to our covets. Only now have we realized what an awful thing that was for us to have put on her. Because if there is anything more resistant to any types of evil in this world, it’s _her.”_

He moved to step right in front of Adolphus’ face, attempting to speak more directly. Man to man. 

“And God _forbid_ anyone who gets in the way of what she wants, or what she believes is the right thing. Good luck trying to bring harm to my daughter, you cold-blooded traitor. Coming into _my_ home, telling _me_ what you are going to do to her.”

Your father pulled out a small piece of paper from his pocket, then a pack of matches. Somehow he rolled it up, placed it between his teeth, swiped the match, nearly burning Adolphus’ ugly, textured nose. He inhaled sharply, taking a drag of the cigarette, blowing a large puff of smoke into his face. 

“This entire time, it should have been me bringing _you_ an admonition. Good luck trying to get through my _daughter_ and the man she most assuredly loves,” your father warned. “Even though she would never admit the _love_ part to me.”

At that, a twinkle of fear flashed across Adolphus’ face before he grabbed his trench coat, angrily staring daggers at your entire family, then wordlessly leaving the house, slamming the door on his way out. 

“Are you out of your _mind,_ Arthur? Have you gone mad?” your mother asked through gritted teeth. “He’s going to go after our daughter! Bloody hell!"

She shook her head, crossing her arms and putting a hand over her face out of exasperation. "And you likely just made her chances of surviving this danger much lower.”

“I had to make him believe he’s up against _something_. Our daughter may not be the strongest fighter, but she _is_ fierce. And based on what Eleanor and Louisa have told us about Ren, it sounds like he _will_ protect her, _even_ if she was able to protect herself.”

Your father stepped towards your mother, lovingly embracing her. 

“If anything happened to you, Barbara, I would go to hell and back a million times,” he whispered in her ear. “And _you?_ Well, _you_ are the strongest, most _unrelenting_ woman I know.”

Your parents stood there, in the low dim of the dining room light, quietly hugging each other. 

Your mother began to sob into your father’s chest, feeling so utterly defeated. “If only I would have condoned her relationship, th-then she may have opened up to us m-more, and she never would have had to see Ren in secret,” she cried. 

“No, no, no, darling, the fault of this situation is neither yours nor mine. Even though we don’t know if Prince Beaumont was truly a good man or an evil man, and I predict the latter is true, then this Commander she’s fallen for is _not_ perfect either," your father soothed. "After all, a man in such an elite position, especially in some military division, it's only natural to assume that he is bound to bring some danger. We tried protecting her, we tried putting her in the right direction, but we were wrong. And that’s okay. Even if _we_ aren’t perfect parents, _this is not our fault.”_

With great kindness in his heart, your father was essentially implying that no matter which man you had chosen, Beaumont or Ren, as parents they would be unable to remove you from all danger in life. The threat you currently were experiencing or the threat you would experience in the future was not and would not be orchestrated by them. 

None of this was your family's fault, no matter what angle the situation was scrutinized from.

But the hardest part was accepting that things could never have ended up any differently, and this exact thought process was what your poor mother was agonizing over.

“O-okay. Th-thank you, Arthur,” your mother said, continuing to cry.

Although your disappearance was the last thing they could have wished for, they needed this. Your family needed to be together. After so many months of heavy tension and family angst as a result of everything that had happened with you rejecting Alexander, the emotions started overflowing from everyone. 

“We will get through this, darling,” your father reassured her. 

Having a child go missing was difficult to face, but it was still beautiful how this tragedy brought your family closer, reminding them that things like money, wealth, and elite status weren’t important. 

Louisa and Eleanor smiled at each other before silently walking upstairs and preparing for what would probably be a restless night of sleep. 

As they sighed, walking up the stairs, Eleanor looked at her fingers. 

“Do you think Commander Ren killed Beaumont, Louisa?” Eleanor pondered, staring at her feet as she trudged up the stairs.

“Honestly, I am unsure of who killed him. But ever since that Prince came into our lives, things have only got worse. You saw how he made our sister’s life incredibly more dreadful? How-How he looked at her in such a _maniacal_ way?” Louisa posited. 

“Yes, I totally agree with you! And ever since then, hasn’t life felt....off...ever since he arrived in Hertfordshire? I mean, I don't know about you but I have noticed some things that are just _questionable_. The people...our government...these elite royals...all of those who seem to be in charge of everything. I don't know, I just—it feels _wrong_. Something hasn't been right, Louisa, for a very, _very_ long time and I think whatever is happening, our _sister_ has just figured it out,” Eleanor said, picking at her fingernails as the two of them entered their shared room.

“You're right, Eleanor. Something has been weird, and I can’t put my finger on it. But right now, all I want is to know that she is safe, you know? E-even if she never does come back,” Louisa commented. 

A few sniffles from them both was the only faint sound in the room. Silently, they began crying together, holding each other in a comforting embrace and decided it would be okay if they shared Eleanor’s bed. 

Both of them felt very worried about where you were and what was going to happen to you, but they knew you were in love. They knew how intensely in which you felt alive; your smile and the emotions radiating from you were unlike anything they had seen before. 

Because truth be told: anyone that is worth fighting for hurts the soul more than one can imagine. This entire time, they had been worrying about how you going missing had affected them without even considering what you were experiencing.

But you were fighting for something, and they knew you’d not stop fighting until you were ready.

_“As long as my sister is safe,”_ was the only thought running through their minds as peaceful slumber wrapped around their worried souls. 

-

It was late into the night as the large vehicle you were in sped down the dark road; surely it was early morning by now. Your parents and sisters were likely worried sick about you, but you eventually would write to them and inform them of your wellbeing and whereabouts.

_Even_ if that meant you had to lie. 

Your heart was pounding, and you were still quietly sobbing like a baby. Justifiably so. You’d just witnessed the man you were falling in love with get violently taken away from you, then you were physically and emotionally tortured by Alexander, sexually harassed by his men, and _then,_ you watched all of them get killed in front of your eyes. 

All the more, it was very miraculous, and you were very thankful to have been rescued by these three strangers, who likely knew more about your own life than you did. 

You heard Rey’s gentle voice, but you didn’t quite comprehend or believe her words. 

_“Just look behind you.”_

You shifted in your seat, turning around to peek above the seat to see what you would find.

And your heart seized in your chest, one of the most powerful sensations of relief washing through your spirit. 

He was asleep laying on his back and breathing quietly. His black hair was resting across his forehead, definitely messy and unruly, but that was the last thing you cared about. And since he was such a _colossal_ human being—compared to you, at least—his legs were scrunched up a little bit, and he was slightly turned to his side in the fetal position.

You glanced back over to Rey, covering your mouth and giving her the tightest hug before moving back to your seat, feeling elated. 

“Kylo!” you gasped, pressing the seat belt holder button thingy down and unfastening it. You leaped over the seat, climbing over to him. 

You touched his face, caressing it gently. He didn’t stir once, laying there quietly with every exhale. 

The rest of your ride in the car continued for about another few hours, and you fell asleep in the back seat crouched over him, resting your light head on his shoulder. It definitely was uncomfortable, but you didn’t want to just leave him there. Hopefully, the drug he was tranquilized with would wear off, and you’d be there to greet him once he awakens.

Right by his side. 

Rey and Finn stayed awake for the entire trip, ensuring you were alright every half hour and asking you various questions about your life, family, and other experiences. Trying to help distract you from the traumatic events you dealt with mere hours ago. 

You told them about your gorgeous, brilliant, and kind sisters, your (oftentimes) contemptible parents, everything that had happened with Prince Alexander, then about the man you were starting to feel great feeling for. 

_Commander Ren._ Your mind brought back memories of how he divinely made love to you only a few short hours ago, how you had felt so completed, so euphoric, so in love. So _filled._

“He’s incredibly bewitching,” you said. “He’s made me feel things I never knew one my delicate soul was capable of feeling. And in the short time I have known him, he’s brought upon me the most _exquisite_ pleasure.” 

Your face flushed a warm pink at that statement. “Um, he is indescribable. Truly.” 

Your three new friends gave you content glances, Poe looking at you briefly in the rectangular mirror above the drivers’ side, and Finn turning around to look at you, but there was a nuance of concern glossing all of their eyes. 

The air grew tense; you could notice the energy shift slightly in the car. 

“He’s a good man, Kylo is,” Rey began. “But he was not always so. Although he is the Commander of the First Order, a tyrannical military base, and also our greatest enemy, he has plans to turn against them, _obviously,”_ she confided, gesturing to the sleeping Kylo in the backseat. 

“His mother is Leia Organa-Solo, General of the Resistance. Which is us….we are the Resistance. Against the First Order,” Finn said to you informatively. 

“Whether he was going to follow through with his plans to aid us, we do not know. We just knew that saving his life was too much an important task to pass up, and the same for _yours,”_ he divulged.

Rey quipped, “Well, _actually,_ Finn, saving their lives was not an optional or willing task. You speak as though their lives are disposable. Kylo—and her—are most certainly indispensable. You _know_ why we had to do it, Finn.”

Poe glanced at you once more through the rearview mirror. There was a bit of a pause before Finn continued, seemingly changing his train of thought. 

“Ben. Ben Solo—”

You were overcome with a wave of confusion, not fully knowing where the conversation was going. Strangely, that name had a kind sing to it, but you couldn’t quite place where your familiarity had arisen from.

“Who’s B-Ben S-Solo?” you stuttered out, worrying your lips with your bottom teeth.

Rey shushed you. “I will talk to you about who _Ben_ is later. However, right now, you are owed a great explanation, about everything _else.”_ She waved her arms around slightly, motioning around the vehicle, causing your incertitude to bubble up. 

“Things like cars, among other things, should not exist, not in this time period,” she said. “As far as _you_ know, the year is _1810,_ correct?” she asked, the question directed towards you. 

You nodded, cautiously. “Of course, the year is 1810! It has been the eighteenth century for as far as I can remember. How could it not be?” you said, almost with an accusatory tone. 

_What a ridiculous question, especially considering these dire circumstances._

Another brief spell of silence could be felt in the car, the three of your rescuers glancing at each other with stifling apprehension, it seemed. 

“Are you aware of the crimes Beaumont committed? Or even the oppression of your current government, namely elite royals in Oxford?” Rey asked you.

A beat.

“I-I have no idea...I had no idea...nothing of Beaumont...or anything, really,” you whispered, moving to climb back over to your other seat next to Rey so you could speak to her more clearly. You gave Kylo a little worried glance, but decided to be brave and let him just sleep, let the medicine he was given take its course. After all, he was _literally_ less than a meter away from you. 

As you sat back down, you fastened your seatbelt once more, clearly in awe of the little contraption. 

“My life has been as it is; this is all I know. My family nearly _forced_ me into marriage with Prince Beaumont, simply because of his elite and wealthy status,” you explained, looking back up at Rey. “And when they found out I met Kylo, Beaumont tried telling my entire family he was evil.” 

Rey’s eyes lit up when you mentioned his name. It almost looked like her entire soul flashed before her eyes, something like a glimmer of hope, but immediately, her expression reverted to normal. 

“Very well. Now, let me explain this, but please listen carefully. You may not believe me at first, but just try to remain calm,” she said, uttering your name at the end of the sentence.

“Your entire life…you have been living behind...an invisible curtain,” she continued. “Or rather, you have had the truth kept from you...along with thousands of others. A minacious, elite Congregation known as the Malum Ascendancy has been reigning in Europe for thousands of years. Prince Beaumont, for years now, has been alleged to make heinous transgressions within it.”

She inhaled a long breath, then exhaled. Whatever she was trying to say seemed to be something very difficult for her to admit, especially all at once. 

“Alexander Beaumont raped ten women, and the Malum Ascendancy covered it up. Protecting the reputation of that repulsive Prince was of utmost importance, so they allowed him to get away with it.”

You thought you were going to be sick, ready to vomit all over the floor. Meanwhile, your flurry of thoughts caused you to simmer with rage. 

_And to think my parents wanted me to marry him!_

You interrupted Rey. “Wait. If the Malum Ascendancy—this Congregation you speak of—is so evil, then why have I never heard of them? Shouldn’t I, too, be experiencing oppression and suffering?”

“Well, you see...you have experienced it.”

“How so?”

“Your family attempted forcing you into an arranged marriage, correct?”

“Of course they have! But it’s an event that happens to many women. We are forced to marry young to wealthy suitors, if not pressured into it severely. That has been my life for as long as I can remember—my older relatives and cousins experienced the same thing.”

After the words left your tongue, it finally registered in your brain just how right she was. 

“Actually, it’s not supposed to happen to women much anymore. It did not happen to me, and it will not happen,” she said. You saw her eyes well up with very subtle tears, but she wouldn’t let them fall. 

“I’m so sorry…about everything,” she whispered, taking your hand into hers. 

You said nothing in return. 

You shifted away from her, feeling past the point of sleep-deprived and entirely stressed the fuck out. 

Cold condensation had formed on your window from the cold air outside, but once you wiped it away with your hand, you _imagined_ seeing the sunrise on the horizon behind an infinitely beautiful blue, desolate winter sky. Before long, your eyelids become heavy—your adrenaline crash inevitable—and your body started feeling very warm, as you finally drifted off into the gentle comfort of sleep.

-

You weren’t sure how much time had passed, but you were awoken by Poe’s voice and some strange sounds coming from outside the car. 

On the same road in which you were traveling, another vehicle behind yours caught Poe’s eye. You turned, trying to peer out of the rear window, and what you saw was an all-white car, likely the same size as the one you were in if not bigger. For the first time, you noticed that Poe’s car was black. 

But the vehicle you could see in the mirror seemed to be following you. 

“Looks like we’ve got some company,” Poe murmured.

“Fuck, that must be Interpol. Royal bastards trying to get themselves killed,” Finn said angrily, but he still seemed to sound quite confident about their inexorable deaths. 

“That’s code for the International Criminal Police Organization,” Rey said, speaking your name at the end. “Whatever you do, you do _not_ trust them.” 

You curiously thought to yourself. _How many goddamn evil organizations are out to get me?_

“Hold on,” Poe said. 

You glanced down, making sure you still had your seatbelt on. “Wait! Don’t do anything yet!” you yelled to your driver, unsure of what else the fucking car was capable of doing.

“We have to, you know, we have a passenger in the back seat. Will he be okay? He’s not exactly...buckled in,” you peeped, terrified of him hitting his head or something, or anything else that might happen if Poe did something crazy.

Your minor worries for Kylo caused Rey to giggle. 

“Oh, he will be perfectly fine! Poe’s a great driver, isn’t he?” she said, laughing, looking at you first, then turning to look in Poe’s direction, although his eyes were fixed on the road. 

“Don’t worry, we did make sure he was secured with a special type of restraints before departing from Abergele,” Finn added. “Rey is using something called the Force to keep Kylo safe back there.” 

“Um, the _Force?”_ you asked Finn, obviously thrown out of your wits. 

“Yes,” he said. “It is a mysterious energy field created by life that binds our universe together.”

Rey joined in, turning to you, “Harnessing the power of the Force gives those sensitive to this spiritual energy extraordinary abilities, such as levitating objects, tricking minds, and seeing things before they happen.”

You felt your face heat up, remembering when in your piano room, Kylo made you _and_ himself orgasm while using some sort of strange energy. 

Now, you realized that this energy was the Force.

“It’s how I killed Alexander,” she added.

Traumatic memories of your near-death experience earlier that night resurfaced, causing your eyes to fill with tears. While you were _scared_ of losing your own life, succumbing to death, and fading away like you were nothing, there was someone’s life you were _terrified_ of losing.

_Kylo’s._

A loud gunshot could be heard near the back of your vehicle. _The Interpol._ You were still being chased by men who wanted to hurt you, and for a moment, you questioned whether or not your life was worth saving. Maybe in this life, true happiness was but a dream.

These people—these heroes—they didn’t even know you, yet they were risking their lives for you. Protecting you and a Commander they deemed as their enemy. 

Hopefully, all of this would make sense soon. 

“Okay, for real now. Hold on!” Poe yelled. You heard what sounded like a loud _tap,_ then immediately later, the vehicle began accelerating rapidly. Sure, it was apparent cars were much faster than horses and carriages ever could be, but your gut was telling you this was _too_ fast.

_Oh no, this was it. This is where I am going to die. I love you mother, father, Eleanor, Lousia, Stanley. Sorry about Alexander. Well no, I'm not sorry. But I love you all, and I’ll miss you forever._

Finn rolled down his window, pulling out a very, very large gun that appeared to release either lasers or bombs Two explosive shots later, as you stared out the rear window, eyes feeling dry, the Interpol car violently exploded in a flurry of gas and fire. Whatever Finn shot at the car must have been some very strong bombs, confirming your previous predictions. 

“Burn in hell, _motherfuckers!"_ he screamed out the window.

The floor of the car under you began to mechanically transform into what looked like durasteel, the sound of metal clanging and shifting reverberating everywhere. Eventually, your seats, the walls, the ceiling, the steering wheel, and the entire _car_ began to transform into some strange structure you couldn’t name. Poe continued to speed up, sweat beading across his forehead. Rey sat back in her seat, as the vehicle began to shudder violently for a long time. You closed your eyes in fear, a small yelp leaving your throat. 

Whatever type of advanced vehicle you were in was no longer the one you entered. It became _unrecognizable_. 

Then suddenly, it stopped. 

It felt like the vehicle was floating, your stomach and body feeling light. You felt a rush of relief in your nervous system, feeling at peace for a brief moment. 

As you slowly opened your eyes, squinting slightly, outside of your window, you saw the Earth around you disappear impossibly fast, little streaks of light appearing in the blackness of night. Your lips parted ever-so-slightly, and your mind was absolutely wonderstruck by what you were seeing. 

You looked behind you and saw that the seats Kylo was laying across transformed into a small bed, and he was still breathing, which caused your heart to flutter. 

He looked so beautiful there. Sleeping so peacefully, completely unaware of the crazy events that just happened. 

You exhaled, still feeling distraught, yet paralyzed with amusement. Your lips formed a grin made of sheer disbelief, quiescent tears welling in your eyes. “Rey, can you _please_ tell me what is going on?”

In the back seat, you heard Kylo shift around in his sleep, then a loud sigh. It had been almost five hours of traveling to an unknown destination, so it was about time he started moving. You were so full of adrenaline you momentarily panicked, heart dropping to the floor, thinking he wasn’t alive, but then you remembered he was just coming out of being drugged with a tranquilizer. 

You heard him groan in his sleep, clearly in some pain and probably feeling distressed. 

_Poor baby._

After a few moments, Rey uttered your name, but you did not quite comprehend the statement after that. Her words rang in your mind like a mystifying, but a very distant echo. 

After that, she said, _“It’s 1980.”_

You turned away from her, feeling unabashedly speechless. Your fingernails started digging into your palms, scratching them up. You did not want to believe her even though everything in your heart was saying that she was telling the truth. 

“What?” you asked, dumbfounded. 

“Yes. The current year is 1980,” Rey confirmed. “Remember when I was informing you about the Malum Ascendancy? Well, their entire goal was to hold as many people hostage as they could for as long as they could, eventually hoping to oppress everyone on Earth, forcing them to live during a very outdated timeline, indefinitely. They’ve kept this indiscernible veil over your eyes your entire life, you see.” 

“Yeah, and now as a result of the Ascendancy, they created the British government as the only source of civility for England,” Finn said. "In other words, your royalty is both the world's biggest cover-up, but without said cover-up, the Congregation's secrets would be revealed."

“And what’s worse is that the Ascendancy has got organizations like Interpol, which is in charge of silencing and negatively influencing everyone on Earth, and the First Order, on their side. The Order has even infiltrated the United States. We, the Resistance, are the only group trying to free people on Earth. Many people are afraid to help because the Ascendancy’s ultimate goal is extermination, but of course, with help of the First Order’s advanced technology. You are actually one of the millions of people the Resistance fleet has saved, and with great success,” he finished. 

“Wait. You’ve rescued a million people from Earth?” you asked Finn. 

“Yes, absolutely."

He sighed. "I apologize for this overload of information...but they are all being kept safe on a planet called D’Qar in the Outer Rim Territories of the galaxy, and _that_ is our main Resistance Base. This spaceship—Kylo's ship—is called the Midnight Traveler. Isn’t she a beauty,” he said, gawking at Poe. 

“It’s a special type of car that can transform into a ship with the push of a button.”

“Nevermind the car—the ship, I mean—but another planet?! That means there are probably more!!” you yelled with irate skepticism. 

Rey and Fin nodded at you, scrunching their chins up, making their lips flat. They truly felt bad for angering you. This probably did sound a little bit far-fetched, and it was true that most of the people they rescued had similar reactions.

Poe decided to jump into the conversation. “But we are not going to D’Qar now. We have been given special orders from General Leia to bring you to Ajan Kloss, a small moon orbiting Ajara….another planet...in the Cademimu sector of the Outer Rim Territories.” 

You felt anger simmering again in your hot veins. “Cool, right?” he added, smirking at your very obvious yet hilarious exasperation. 

Momentarily, your jaw dropped as you felt completely astounded by this infuriating fragment of new knowledge.

_Okay. So there are other planets and galaxies and territories. Got it. Makes complete sense._

_“Wait._ One more question, then I will stop. When I met Kylo, he told me the First Order was some sort of confidential military branch stationed in the United States. Reasonably, I’m now having qualms about his claim,” you inquired. 

"No need to apologize," Poe quickly added. "We understand how difficult this can be to process."

Rey frowned, stating, “Well, the First Order is simply...iniquitous. They are stationed on a planet called Ilum, in the Unknown Regions of the galaxy. They not only seek to exterminate Earth, but many other planets. It’s...it’s so heartbreaking. But like I said, Kylo had plans to turn against the Order. So, don’t worry about that either.” 

You saw red. 

Again. 

“So _what?!_ Do you expect me to believe Earth is under attack by both domestic _and_ intergalactic forces? And oh, don't forget to mention it’s 1980! And I’m in a flying fucking spaceship?! _Mother of God,”_ you angrily spat. 

“Don’t worry, everything will become much clearer soon!” Rey reassured. “I promise we are here to help you." 

She did her best to pacify your rage. "See? Look out your window.” 

You turned, and what you saw took your breath away. 

You stopped seeing the white streaks of light melting away into blackness, determining that ship had slowed down to a more normal speed. What you saw was a beautiful green and blue planet, clouds dancing and swirling across the atmosphere. Watching this was an out-of-body experience. 

_“That_ is Ajan Kloss,” Rey said. “Quite magnificent.”

Never did you think you would see something so gorgeous. You thought sunsets were a sight for sore eyes, but this? This was magical enough to cure someone of blindness.

Behind you, you heard someone shift and loudly grunt. A long inhale, then exhale. 

_“Absolutely beautiful...isn’t she?”_ an exquisite voice slowly purred. 

You spun your entire body around, nearly ripping your flimsy belt in half, feeling as though this exact moment was happening in slow motion. 

He was awake, staring at you while you looked out of the window, watching how mesmerized you were at the sight of your first otherworldly planet from a spaceship. 

Despite his tiredness, he still thought you were the most beautiful woman in the galaxy. 

His large shoulders were up straight, enormous legs falling past the bed, big feet touching the floor.

As you unfastened your seatbelt, happy tears began flowing from your eyes as you ran down what was now a narrow aisle to the back of the ship where Kylo’s little bed was. He’d been so scrunched up and uncomfortable, that seeing him sleeping so peacefully warmed your little heart a million times over.

You eagerly sauntered into his lap, wrapping your legs around his waist. Without hesitation, you pressed your lips to his, and before long, his tongue found its way into your mouth, greedily competing with yours. 

In between passionate kisses, you began to speak, a waterfall pouring down your warm cheeks.

“I—thought—I—was—going—to—lose—you—”

Kylo pulled away, a bit breathless after desperately kissing your lips. 

“I-I never should have put you in such a situation. I should have known Alexander was going to try something. All of it was my fault, beautiful,” he said. 

His eyes looked a bit red, and he still seemed very sleepy from the drugs. Around his eyes, there was also a bit of redness, and you internally felt incredibly guilty. You had an odd, natural motherly instinct to just wrap him in a fleece blanket or something and let him drink some warm chicken broth.

“Your face...it looks a little bruised right here,” Kylo whispered, discerning the bruise on your face from where Alexander hit you. 

A flash of anger crossed his face, and before you could tell him what happened, he already knew. 

Once again, he was reading your thoughts. 

He closed his eyes, and his lips started trembling. No, not only was he reading your thoughts, but he was feeling them. Exactly how you felt when you were taken from him, when Alexander slapped you and said such abusive, harmful words, and when one of his men started touching you. 

You were groped, assaulted, and handled in such a disgusting manner. 

And for all of it, he was not there to protect you. If it weren’t for Rey and the Resistance, only the Force knew what would have happened to you. 

Because _fuck_ what would have happened to him. That did not matter anymore.

He’d suffer every second of every day if it meant you were safe, happy, and alive. 

Opening his eyes, you saw two pools well up, and once he blinked, two large tears fell from them. He grabbed you, pulling you tightly into his chest, and buried his face in the crook of your neck. 

He began to sob into you, holding you close, trying to speak. 

_“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,”_ he sobbed. You ran your hands up through his hair, beginning to cry more yourself. _“I should have known...I should have known to kill Alexander...”_

“Kylo, it’s okay...please don’t cry...I’ve got you...I’m here...I’m safe,” you whimpered, desperately hoping that would help him to calm down. 

Rey and Finn were all watching your and Kylo’s interaction; this was now the first time they would see you two together and they finally realized how much you loved each other.

Rey encountered Kylo over a year ago in a snowy forest near the First Order’s base, and instantly he became her sworn enemy. 

But soon, she realized there was so much more to him than all of the evil parts of him. She could see it in his eyes during fights, and feel the energy of the Force emanating from him. Something else in him was clashing through his tormented soul, and whatever it was, it was the _antithesis_ of darkness. 

She could feel it, _truly_ feel it.

And as she watched you and Kylo, she could feel bits and pieces of his energy, most of it being very dark and impenetrable, yet by contrast, his emotions for you were brighter than even the most powerful supernovas in the universe. _You_ were Kylo’s antithesis. She could already sense that you were his most beautiful, precious Angel. 

While Poe turned around to briefly see what was happening, Finn watched you in admiration. Both Resistance men were in awe of how _you,_ a girl who didn’t come from much or have any unique abilities, were able to bring the Commander of the First Order to his knees. 

Never did the two men think they’d see it. But there they were. 

“Alright...alright princess,” Kylo sighed, releasing you from such a powerful embrace. He sniffled, wiping his nose and the tears from his face. At the same time, you both reached up to the other person’s face to wipe their tears away. 

It was so beautifully intimate, how you knew his needs, and he knew yours. What most people found in _years_ within their lover is what you found within Kylo in only a few short _days_. You did not say these next few words out loud, but you thought it so many times in your mind, and you knew he heard it when he kissed you once more, not ever wanting to let you go again. 

_I love you with all of my heart_.

His eyes skipped across your features once more, and his eye twitched. 

Something was brewing in that mind of his, but maybe not knowing his deepest feelings would serve you better. Just enjoying this moment with him was good enough. 

Poe shifted in his seat, another silent spell befalling the Midnight Traveler. “Alright, we are landing. Please brace yourselves,” Poe warned everyone on the ship.

You lifted your leg, hopping off of Ren, and plopping on the bed to sit next to your man. Before Poe had the chance to ask you to return to your seat, you barked, “I’m staying back here with him. Don’t ask me to move, because you’ll never get me anywhere.”

You were being honest: you’d turn into a heavy ass fucking _rock_ if he tried prying you from the damn bed.

Poe’s eyes widened, and then he just shook his head momentarily, dramatically huffing, face revealing an expression that said, _“suit yourself.”_

After everything that had happened up to this point, not following his one instruction of safety really didn’t seem like too bad of an idea. You had no desire to leave your Commander. Being separated from him even just a _little_ would give you unfathomable worry and sadness.

You and Kylo scooted all the way to the back of the bed, still facing the front. The soft mattress was horizontally positioned against the large metal wall of the ship behind it. The bed was much shorter in this direction, and his legs stretched out straight far past the end of it. Your toes, however, just could _barely_ reach the end. 

“I should be flying this ship, you know. It’s _my_ ship,” he angrily muttered, a funny attempt at showing off for you while sticking out his bottom lip slightly, simultaneously being all pouty like a big baby.

You curled up next to him, burying your face into his chest while he wrapped you in his arms, securing you in place. You felt the Force encapsulate you, and that was when you realized he was using it to keep you safe during the landing. 

“What-what happens during a l-landing?” you squeaked to him, beginning to feel shy again in his presence. 

“Hm. Well, the ship goes through the atmosphere of the planet we are entering, and it might get a bit warm in here for a few minutes, but then, we will get off the ship,” he said, running his hand through his hair. 

“Wait, so let me just get this straight. Rey already explained so much to me, so you don’t have to explain further, but just to clarify...um...it’s _1980,_ right? It’s _not_ 1810 at all?” you inquired, curiosity filling your bones.

“Yes,” he confirmed, saying your name. “I wanted to tell you...but I didn’t know how. Just know that I will never leave you alone, Angel. And more importantly, never forget that you belong to me.”

Your heart swelled with joy. He knew you were scared and was genuinely trying to make you feel safe, a notion that calmed your anxious nerves.

“Wow. Yes, thank you. Um, okay I guess,” you responded, still in shock at that piece of information, fully coming to terms with the idea that you’d lived your life unknowingly shielded from the truth. Even though you were flying in space in some weird vehicle, the fact that it wasn’t even the correct year you thought it was caused you to feel the _most_ uneasy. You weren’t sure how long you’d remain feeling such intense bewilderment.

Maybe this was what had been the very thing that made your life back on Earth so unexplainable, the reason why nothing was as it seemed. All of the times you believed something sinister was going on were just confirmed. You felt robbed of your life, forced to live somewhere that wasn’t even the place you thought it was.

There was an entire _Earth_ out there that you didn't even get to see yet, and you might never get that opportunity. You weren’t sure how deep the Malum Ascendancy’s influence had already spread across your planet. He touched your hair, pushing it back behind your ear. His large hand moved down to touch your thighs; he probably knew your thoughts were setting you on fire. “ _Ohhh, darling._ Never fear...there is _so_ much I want to show you, so much I want to _do_ to you,” Kylo purred through slightly gritted teeth in a manner that caused your core to ignite. 

You felt his tongue slowly kiss your neck, licking into it slightly, then moving his hot mouth up to kiss your ear. “If only there weren’t others on this ship, you know, I would _love_ to taste that pussy,” he growled, moving his hand to cover the obvious thickening bulge in his leather pants. 

_Damn. Even after being tranquilized, this sexy, horny fucker still has got stamina. Huh._

You whimpered at his words, knowing this night could have gone so differently, yet your combined near-death experiences only seemed to make him want you more. You could feel your cunt clench around nothing. As usual, no words could help save you from your speechlessness, from the way he was making you feel.

Luckily, none of your rescuers noticed what was _happening_ between you and him on his bed in the back of the ship. 

“Never again will I let you go, _never_ again Angel,” Kylo affirmed, pulling you closer again as the ship grew very warm, a warm orange glow appearing out of the cockpit window, and started shaking a bit violently due to the intense turbulence. 

_Oh, right. We are about to land on another planet called Ajan Kloss in 1980. Totally normal._

_Totally normal, totally normal, totally normal._

You repeated this mantra over and over in your mind, doing your best to calm your spiked nerves. 

You believed everything Rey, Finn, and Poe told you, but you needed time to adjust to the information. It was hard. If it weren’t for Kylo, and the impossibility of him and everything he represents in your life, you would not believe this. 

In his own way, he was the only one there to silently reassure you in your darkest moments. 

This was the first time it happened, and even though _terrified_ didn’t come close to describing your current emotions, you were _safe_. _With him._

Eventually, the transforming Midnight Traveler slowed its thunderous shaking, and Kylo released his iron grip on your little body. You allowed yourself to open your eyes, looking up at him. His _regal_ features never would fail to disarm you. 

The ship was still flying at unimaginable speed, and based on everyone else’s facial expressions, you would be touching down on the ground soon. Eventually, the ship came to a gradual slow speed, finally being suspended in the air. It lulled for a moment, metal and durasteel lurching around before Poe expertly pressed some controls on the panel, beginning to lower the ship slowly, directly down onto the unknown planet.

At least for you, it was unknown. 

After what felt like a million nights, but was really only a few hours, the Midnight Traveler touched down, coming to a sudden stop. You didn’t know it, but Kylo still had the Force wrapped around you, protecting you during the landing. He knew a day might come where you wouldn’t need his protection, but that day was far away from now. 

_Far_ away.

“Alright, you guys ready?” Rey asked with a large grin, standing up to speak to you and Kylo. Finn and Poe caught a quick glance at you and Kylo, before winking and heading off the ship.

He let you answer, searching your face. “Um, yes. I think we are ready to go,” you replied with a smile. Without even thinking, you got up from your spot, and ran up to Rey, embracing her in the biggest hug. 

Pulling away from the embrace, you felt more tears well up in your eyes. “Nothing I ever do will be able to repay what you did for me, Rey. You saved Kylo’s life and mine. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart,” you said, crying. 

“Oh, no, of course, you don’t need to ever repay me! No human should have to go through what you did, and I mean that,” she said, taking your hand into hers and squeezing it tightly, smiling boldly once again. 

Kylo watched you, smirking, feeling enthralled by your graciousness. He was _equally_ grateful for Rey, believe it or not.

Your mind flashed back to the memories in Abergele Market, and as far as you knew, Alexander’s men still had Kylo trapped in a large tactical vehicle. You had no recollection of him being rescued, and at that time as you started driving away from the scene of the crime, you assumed he was being left behind for good.

You stopped for a moment, remembering something you wanted to ask Rey. “Wait, _how_ exactly did you know to rescue him?”

And so, Rey began telling her story. 

“We were on this Resistance Base, here on Ajan Kloss, when Kylo’s mother, the woman named Leia, sensed something somewhere had gone horribly wrong with him. _He was hurt._ Because we knew he was on Earth with you, intending to eventually rescue you from the Malum Ascendancy, we immediately knew to go there. And because he was tranquilized, we were easily able to transfer him into Poe’s car from one of the vehicles Alexander’s men had used. But we got lucky. Because if we were a few minutes late, I might not be standing here with you right now,” she explained. 

Briefly, you wondered why he was rescued first, but you didn’t care because she likely did it for a reason. 

Momentarily, you felt worried, still terrified of what Alexander would have done to Kylo had they shown up a few minutes too late. “Thank you, Rey. Thank you so much,” you said, still unable to stop sobbing. 

She walked away over to some sort of compartment and opened it. 

You peered inside and assumed they were new clothes. “What color uniform would you like?” she asked, showing you four different options: beige, grey, and white. 

“Grey! I like the grey ones,” you said, almost a little too eager. But you didn’t blame yourself, you were excited to take your old, stained clothes off. In total, you ended up traveling longer around eighteen hours, and you were still in the same dress from your night in Abergele Market with Kylo. Inside Room Seven of The Queen’s Chocolate Candle’s pleasure house. 

Where you lost your virginity with Ren.

You’d never be able to wear that dress again. It was covered in Alexander’s blood, along with your own blood, sweat, and tears. For a moment, you felt bad for the fucking dress, acknowledging what it meant to you. It was cute and pretty, and it was the last thing you wore before your life changed. It would forever be a reminder of your first time with him, but now it was just a ruined memory. Fortunately, as Rey happily gave you the new grey uniform, those emotions faded away. You said, _“thank you,”_ to her, and she nodded. 

You turned away, walking back towards Kylo, with a new smile plastered on your face. 

“These are fancy, don’t you think?” you asked him, showing him the clothes as your face heated up. “I have never worn _pants_ before. Only dresses.”

“Mm,” he grunted. “You are going to look so beautiful wearing those, darling. But I can not _wait_ to tear them off of you.”

Your body shuddered, imagining him doing just that. But before your thoughts could wander any further, Rey yelled, “Let’s go!” gesturing you off the ship. 

Stepping down a little ramp off the Midnight Traveler, you were met with a beautiful green forest with trees everywhere, the sounds of life teeming from all around you, and the scent of freshness traveling up your nostrils. On this new planet, it was very humid and hot, an environment much different than what you were experiencing at home. On Earth. At the end of November.

As you took in your surroundings, there were also these complex, futuristic-looking mahogany wood cabins stationed all around the forest, some far away, buried into the trees, and others a bit closer to the Resistance Base. You could make out some of the larger cabins: you could identify some of the cabins as the Medical Bay, Military Zone, Dining Hall, and smaller cabins that you assumed were Sleeping Quarters. This was truly a sight to behold. 

Something the everyday citizen might never get to see.

You could hear birds chirping in the trees, the sounds of sticks and leaves being crunched on the ground, and you could smell the sweet, earthiness of wet mud and dirt. 

The humidity caused you to begin sweating without even exerting much energy, but you didn’t care about the heat anymore. You turned yourself around, and gasped when you saw Kylo's ship, in awe of how massive it was.

The last time you saw it, it was just a car. Which was weird enough, since you were only used to horse and carriage. But now? When it had magically transformed, the Midnight Traveler grew to at least _five_ times the size of the car, and it was yet another sight to behold. 

The ship was majestic: it was a dark black color with the slightest, most subtle dark purple tint, and it appeared to be in the shape of a V-wing spaceship. Little did you know, the official name of the Midnight Traveler was an Alpha-3 Nimbus-class V-wing starfighter, and it completely floored you. Somehow, the shape of it both intimidated and aroused you, as twisted as that part was, but just the notion that he was able to fly such a complex vehicle made you melt. 

Intelligence was a rather sensual trait a man could have, the longer you thought about it, and your cheeks flushed as you imagined him in the seat, steering such powerful machinery.

Maybe one day, he'd teach you how to fly it, or another ship like it.

You smiled, feeling momentarily at peace with yourself, breathing in the sweet, hot air of the new planet. Without a doubt, it was unequivocally beautiful.

You sighed, moving around to Kylo, still in awe of the beautiful structure that was a transforming 1980s Mercedes car, but he was crying again. Looking at you. 

But he wasn’t crying _because_ of you. 

_What? Why is he crying?_

Someone tapped you on the shoulder. You spun yourself around and were met with two beautiful, almost mystifying people. You saw an older woman with gorgeous grey hair, long black and grey robes as a part of her uniform, and stunning features. The man, also with grey hair, was standing next to her, wearing the same stoic expression, along with thick black pants, a white shirt, and a roughed-up black leather jacket. 

_His parents._

“You must be the girl my son has told me about. The girl that has made him feel things and turn into a young man I never thought he would ever become again,” the otherworldly woman said, a gentle twinkle in her eyes. 

“A-are _you_ Princess Leia and Han Solo?” you asked, feeling nothing short of mesmerized by their presences. 

“Yes, we are,” she said, saying your name at the end, looking up to her husband. Han nodded, grinning humbly. 

Leia looked away from you instead began admiring her son, the beautiful man standing next to you. Whatever was happening, it was nothing short of beautiful. You could feel the strange energy again-—the Force—spinning around her, Han, and Kylo. 

More tears fell from Ren’s red eyes, and his chin was quivering again. 

You didn’t know what, but _whatever_ happened between Kylo and his mother must have been one of the most painful things he’d experienced in his life: you could see it in the way his facial features shifted, and in the way he was interacting with his parents. 

She ambled right up to him, putting her hand up to his cheek, caressing it gently. 

“Welcome _home_ to me, my beautiful son,” she marveled. Kylo couldn’t do anything except sob, until he wrapped her in a welcoming hug, not letting go for a few seconds. 

“M-mom, d-dad,” he mewled. 

As you watched Kylo embrace his mother, and as you looked around your new environment while clutching the new pile of clothes in your hands, only the stars knew what would be destined for you, and even so, this was just the beginning. 

You stepped away from them, getting the message that they were about to have a private conversation. Leia said something to him in a stern tone, pulling away from their embrace. They spoke so quietly that you had trouble understanding their words, and Han quickly glanced at you before turning back to his son. 

Kylo looked angry, terrified, and ambivalent, all emotions directed towards his parents, before his expression faded into drowsiness and you watched as he collapsed to the ground. In a moment of a sheer explosion of anxiety and fear, you dropped your clothes and began screaming for help, for someone, anyone, for a doctor to help Kylo. You were so worried about what was happening to him, but your gut told you it had something to do with the tranquilizer he was injected with.

And that was when...your world stopped. 

-

Things went disastrously awry after Ren’s and Angel’s arrival. 

Because on the night he spent with her in Abergele Market, after fucking her for the first time, he drank two shots of bourbon while in that blasted restaurant, Kitty’s Kitchen. And a little bit after that, he was expecting to have a nice night with his lady, especially after she took his cock so well. He showed her his car, the new invention indubitably causing her confused mind to wander. Then, he had plans to make her come _again_ in the back seat of the impressive automobile, and drop her off back home. 

Safe and sound. 

But alas. Look where that got him. 

Stuck on the moon of Ajan Kloss, having to encounter his parents. After Angel stepped away from their conversation, they begged him, _Ben,_ to return to the Light Side, and live safely with the Resistance. They implied that he might end up putting the girl he loved in danger...if he didn’t take their guidance. 

But he didn’t want to. 

_Because Ben Solo was dead._

He knew he could protect her, and she could live safely with him, in the First Order. 

To make things worse, one of Alexander’s goons stabbed him in the neck with a syringe, which contained the tranquilizer. While on Kylo's ship, and because of his natural strength acquired through the Force, the aftereffects of the drug had not yet set in. 

But those effects definitely _did_ set in after he saw his mother for the first time in five months. Such an emotionally-charged encounter resulted in his body beginning to break down into sickness. Ren pulled away from his mother, beginning to see his world spin in a flurry of dizziness. His arms and legs became very light, almost as though he was floating. He saw his Angel next to him, gazing up at him with concern in her poor eyes. She rushed over to him, trying to help steady him, but it was to no avail. 

He collapsed to the ground, painfully hitting his head on the hard ground below him. His heartbeat began to slow abnormally, and he could feel it subtly thudding. 

Almost _too_ slow. 

_Thump…….thump…...thump……….thump……….thump._

His vision began going in and out of light and darkness. His eyes were closing, then opening, then closing again. He saw a blurry outline of her worried figure, standing there crying, tears streaming down her face. She began to scream, crying out for help. 

“Someone, _help!!!_ Something is happening to Kylo!! _Help!!!”_ she wailed. 

Ren struggled to hold onto his life, just barely hanging on by a thread. He could barely breathe—his lungs felt like they were tightening up, and he could not take in any more air. His heart felt like it stopped and for the first time in a long time, he was _afraid_. _Truly_ afraid.

He could still hear the distant voice of her screaming out and eventually, he remembered seeing someone in a uniform, likely someone from the Medical Bay lifting him onto a large stretcher as it began moving forward. As he was being carried away on this bed, he could see the forest canopy and trees above him quickly disappearing. 

They were blurry, and he found it very difficult to understand where he was. The last thing he remembered seeing was someone place a small oxygen mask over his mouth, which allowed in a satisfying rush of air to fill his struggling lungs. 

Looking around, eyes flitting around madly, Ren could tell he was in a tiny and enclosed space, likely some cabin designated for people with injuries that needed emergency care.

But he wasn't even sure what planet he was on anymore. 

The only thing he knew is that she was somewhere fighting for him. She was terrified, he could hear it in the frantic, crying echo of her voice. It was the last thing he heard.

_And she is not going to leave me._

She would stay by his side until he woke up.

It crossed his mind many times, but Ren was very afraid of death. Not because of what might happen to him, and not because he might miss out on his own life, but because he wouldn't get to spend it with his Angel. He hadn’t yet been able to live a peaceful life with a woman, there are so many things he wanted to do to her, good _and_ evil. He wanted to hold her close, but also tie her up when she disobeyed, and not allow her to cum until he would be ready.

But none of that would happen if he was gone.

She would be _alone_ in this mess of a galaxy, without a safe planet to call home, and without _him_ to _fuck_ her hard and love her with _everything_ he had. 

One of the doctors he saw above him inserted a small needle into his arm. Instantly, his vision faded into blackness and he melted into delightful sleep.

_She is not going to leave me._

-

Five days passed, and for all of them, Ren was asleep in a small cabin dedicated to the Intensive Care Unit of the Medical Bay on Ajan Kloss, his body wholly exhausted from what it was put through: alcohol and sedation are not substances to be mixed, and he almost paid for that with his life. 

But Angel stayed by his side the entire time, silently observing him. For hours and hours, she cried, telling him how much she wanted him to wake up. She had full conversations with him, fully knowing he wasn’t in the conscious position to respond. Mostly, she told him about how everything was still so hard to believe. How it would be hard adjusting to a new life, and how she’d have to deal with being away from home for so long.

Other times, strongly _against_ the doctor’s requests, she crawled into the bed, tightly squeezing up against his large, warm body, falling asleep in there with him.

The day he woke up, she was right there next to him, gazing into his eyes with tear streaks stained on her face. He looked at her with a sleepy smile, feeling good from all the happy drugs the doctors gave him to heal him further, pressing a little kiss to her forehead, turning over onto his side, enclasping her in a giant hug. 

“How many times am I going to think you’re going to die, honey?” she asked him facetiously, but also with a slight indication of worry. 

He chuckled lowly as a wordless apology, kissing the top of her head.

Kylo smelled like sleep, a raw, natural, and manly scent, and he could sense it was driving his little Angel _crazy_. Even though she was not acting on her desires, after all, he _was_ in such a vulnerable state, he could hear her thoughts about how much she wanted him to downright pound into her tight holes. 

_Oh, how he would._

A female doctor wearing a white long-sleeved undershirt and brown vest walked in, to see Kylo once again nuzzled against the girl who was too stubborn to leave. Even though the girl accompanying Kylo was disrespecting Medical Bay rules, the doctor mentally jumped for joy knowing he would make a speedy recovery. 

She stepped forward confidently. 

“Hello. My name is Doctor Harter Kalonia,” she started. Ren sat up, motioning for his lover to do the same. “Glad to see you are feeling better, sir. It appears as though you were injected with a minimal dose of Pentobarbital, a common tranquilizer. Turns out, though, whiskey and heavy drugs as strong as those don’t mix well, but you got lucky,” she said in a very matter-of-fact tone. 

“We will discharge you from the Medical Bay tomorrow morning, sir, and we will send you home with antibiotics to help boost your weakened immune system. Hopefully, you’ll feel better in a few days,” he said, exiting the cabin. 

Suddenly, Doctor Kalonia returned, stating, “Um, if I may add, sir, if it weren’t for the Force, and something _else_ very powerful keeping you alive, you would not have survived.” At that, she glanced at the girl sitting beside him, staring at her briefly for just a moment, before dashing away. 

Ren thought maybe he would have said something to her, but he didn’t.

He turned his head, looking over to her. She was so happy he was okay, but he could tell that she too, was exhausted beyond comprehension. 

“Good news, right?” Angel squeaked. 

“Mm, definitely,” he replied.

Ren held her for a few more moments before drifting off to sleep in the little hospital bed, her light head on his chest resting peacefully. He could tell she was listening to his heartbeat, enjoying the thumping sound as a reminder he was still alive.

Together. Never desiring to part. 

-

**_08 December 1980_ **

After that troubling, heart-wrenching week passed, and you spent your days exploring the new moon of Ajan Kloss—or was it a planet? You forgot the difference at this point, and just wanted to get used to your unfamiliar surroundings. 

No need to get caught up in useless semantics anymore. 

One day while out in the forest discovering all the new types of wildlife, clad in your new pretty grey uniform, you came across a tiny rainbow butterfly, and you, being the lovable dumbass you were, tried mindlessly catching the flying creature. 

Unfortunately, you tripped, scraping your knee on some little rocks and mud, tearing the fabric of your pants. Kylo heard your sudden yelp and came running into the vast abyss of the trees to save you, thinking you had tragically _died_. But, when he found you, you were rolling around on the ground giggling. 

He was _not_ amused. After you fell, Kylo had to carry you back to the cabin. On the walk back, he was stuck with your incessant rambling and blabbing about how beautiful the fucking butterflies were. 

Once you returned to your shared cabin, he sat you up on the bed you shared, grabbing an antiseptic solution called Hydrogen Peroxide, cotton balls, and some bandages to clean your knee up.

“Ow, fuck Kylo! That hurts!” you complained, feeling the painful sting of Peroxide enter your wounded flesh. You kept shifting around in your seat, unable to sit still. 

However, you silently were in awe of the medical advancement this time period had. And it made you realize just _how_ oppressed you had been all your life. Just how much the Malum Ascendancy had kept from you, and hundreds of thousands of other innocent citizens.

_Maybe, this was truly an evil scheme. Because when my family gets sick, we don’t have access to anything close to this that could help them get better. Or cars. Or technology. Or flying fucking ships._

You were brought back out of your reverie.

“Stop moving,” he growled, getting especially frustrated. “You just _had_ to go run about in the forest in such treacherous conditions, silly girl.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. For your information, I was _bored_. This might be another planet, but it gets old after a while. I needed some adventure, some _stimulation,”_ you chirped. “And the butterflies...well...they were _cute.”_

You looked at him with puppy eyes, giving him an expression that begged, _"Can we please go back out and catch a butterfly?"_

These were the moments you especially loved his mind-reading abilities, how he was able to see inside of you with such ease.

He shook his head, smirking, and mentally responded, _"No."_

“Hm. Is that so?” he firmly pressed down the new bandage to your skin, grinding his teeth. “You need stimulation?”

“Yes. Stimulation.” You looked down, sighing in exquisite relief.

He grabbed your face, newfound anger radiating from him. _“That_ is what you need?”

Prickles of heat and arousal flooded your soul, and your tongue felt like it was coated in lead. 

So, _obviously,_ when you weren’t out exploring, scaring the daylights out of Kylo, and when he wasn’t out doing Commander things, however, you two lovebirds spent your days in your private, enclosed cabin near the rest of the Resistance Base. 

You and Kylo were absolutely _untamed_ when you got time alone, and every night and day, his thick cock fucked into you so good and so sweetly. 

Nearly losing him _twice_ made you crave him, crave everything about him, including the ways he wanted to pleasure you. By the end of this week, he knew every single inch of your body inside and out. And he spilled himself inside of you, his cock unprotected and penetrating you. 

He pushed you down on the bed with a needy whine, his lips swelled up from kissing you and a clear erection growing beneath his sexy leather pants. He pulled his black sweatshirt over him, then returned to your new grey uniform and tore the fabric of the grey tunic off your chest, exposing your breasts. 

“Feel good, slut, doesn’t it?” Kylo asked, his hair falling wildly around his face as he thrust erratically. 

_“Uh-huh, Kylooohhhh,_ your cock feels _soooo_ good,” you sobbed, tears running down your face. The first time he took you, he wore a condom, but at this point, neither of you cared about the consequences of making love to each other. Not to mention that you were taking nightly birth control, easing your pregnancy worries.

Ren was just so in lust with your scent. 

Your taste. 

Your juices. 

Your moans. 

Your breaths. 

Your whimpers.

_Your soul._

Right now, Kylo had you in the missionary position, holding you down, and moved himself backward slightly so he could just admire how his cock entered your pussy. 

“Such an obedient fucking _pussy,”_ he moaned. 

This had been, _what?_ Your _fifth_ time having him inside of you in the course of _three_ days? 

“Can’t believe...you were a virgin...for so long,” Kylo groaned. “Woulda fucked...the shit out of you...the very second...this gorgeous cunt...came of age.”

Those words were the very thing that sent you tumbling over the edge of what felt like your millionth orgasm that evening. He allowed the Force to deeply vibrate over your clit, and you could feel it since his arms were now on either side of you. Your poor pussy sucked his length in farther, convulsing uncontrollably. You wailed in ecstasy, crying out a chorus of _Kylos_ for everyone near and far to hear you.

As you came, he immediately orgasmed after you, his thick balls contracting and releasing warm ropes of come inside of your wet core. This pleasurable cycle continued for the next _three_ hours, you moaning loudly, screaming, and cumming so good for him. His cock stretched you open wonderfully, and he allowed his tongue and nose and fingers to do the same, stroking your tight hole just the way he liked. 

During the aftermath of your final orgasm, your skin was heated and sticky, very warm to the touch, and he rolled off of you, laying on his side of the bed. You were panting quickly, feeling entirely exhausted after an immensely intense session of intercourse. Your pussy was sore and throbbing; meanwhile, your heart was pounding against your ribcage. Once you closed your eyes, you felt him grab your naked body and pull your back close to his chest. He then placed quick kisses all around your shoulders, neck, and the top of your head. 

“Oh my,” you started, “that was amazing, Kylo.” 

He inhaled deeply, tracing his tongue across his teeth. “Yes it was, beautiful. Yes it was.” 

After the two of you found the strength to get off the bed—you were the _most_ reluctant—Kylo helped you get dressed, pulling your pants over the adorable curves of your thighs and tummy, handing you yet _another_ grey uniform tunic from the lightly-colored wooden drawers below the bed. 

_Gosh. How many more tunics am I going to go through?_

You hesitantly had to _stop_ fucking him and resting with him, feeling his calming heartbeat, as now as it was your last night on Ajan Kloss. Rey requested that you have dinner with her, Finn, and Poe in the Dining Hall, because tomorrow, you would be leaving for the place Kylo lived. 

_Starkiller Base._

_On a planet called Ilum._

_Great._

After you had gotten dressed, in the corner of the cabin, you took note of a vertical mirror with a golden rim. It was probably there the entire time, but you knew yourself to be terribly oblivious every so often. Your feet guided you over to it. 

Never before had you seen the way your legs curved underneath _pants,_ or the way your adorable feet looked like in boots. While you didn’t necessarily admire or despise your appearance, something about seeing yourself in this manner felt very personal to you. It was like you were looking at a new woman whose reflection felt like home, even though things didn’t make sense anymore. A woman whose world could never return to what it once was. 

Kylo sauntered over to you, still shirtless and only wearing his leather pants. He wrapped his strong arms around your cute chest, looking at the beauty staring back at him in the mirror.

His eyes resembled a beautiful night sky, clouded with _love_.

“Kylo?” you started. “What, um...what did your parents speak to you about...you know...on the day you became ill from your alcohol poisoning and tranquilizer overdose?”

He began to think for a quick moment, pondering what he should tell you. 

He should tell you what you needed to hear.

And what you _needed_ to hear? It wasn’t the truth.

_No need to cause Angel to worry._

“Hm,” he said. They had spoken to me about how _wonderful_ and _thankful_ they are for you, Angel,” he drawled seductively into your ear, causing you to melt in his arms like candle wax. 

You drew in a breath.

“Now, may I call you _Angel,_ darling?” he asked you. As you looked at him in the mirror, him making you look so tiny, you wondered if his eyes were always like that—if he always seemed to have water in them, as though he was holding back tears at all times. You knew he had secrets, but you weren’t sure of the extent of them.

You sighed, grinning with your lips, thinking back to his question. It made you melt when he called you that name, and maybe now it was time to fully adopt it. 

“Of course, that’s so sweet Kylo,” you responded, lowering your head to rest the side of it on his warm biceps, which were still wrapped around you, subtly tightening as you answered. “I like being called Angel. Very, very much.”

Just standing like this, he could break you in half, _literally,_ yet you trusted him regardless. You weren’t afraid anymore. And frankly, _that_ was right where he wanted you. 

“Ah. Thank you, Angel,” he crooned. _Not like she had a choice anyway._

Finally, he let go of you, but you could feel some palpable tension between you and him, and for sure, you _knew_ he was busy mentally undressing you. 

To your surprise, he simpered at you, before walking away into the small refresher in your shared sleeping quarters. When he returned, he was wearing a gorgeous silk, long-sleeved black dress shirt tucked into his pants that caused your internal female parts to tingle.

Holy _shit_. He looks sexy as hell wearing _that._

You began to feel just a bit underdressed compared to him now, thinking that maybe you should wear something a bit fancier than the tunic and pants. 

Just as your worries almost consumed you, someone slowly opened the door of your cabin before fully entering.

It was Rey. “Hello, you two,” she commented, tone chirpy. 

You felt an instant rush of happiness. Rey’s presence made you feel seen and understood; you had even begun viewing her as a role model. Of all the incredible women you’d met in your life, _she_ certainly was the definition of a fighter. Strong, independent, the type of woman you were striving to become all along.

Especially after watching her duel Finn a few days back in an impressive training battle with these incredible weapons, which you later learned were _lightsabers_. The way she so expertly fought against him, performing moves and tricks you never would have believed a _woman_ would be allowed to do. (You even learned that Kylo had a lightsaber, but it was in a safe place back on Starkiller, _much_ to his own dismay). You knew it was 1980, but for your entire life, you’d been systematically held back one-hundred and seventy years, which included halting any potential women’s rights movements you could have been a part of. 

Besides that, though, Rey also spent an entire day while on Ajan Kloss teaching you about everything else there was to know about the universe, the more detailed things you hadn’t yet known about. And even though learning more about the different planets, cities, and territories was foreign to you, she made it seem simple and easy. But perhaps what was most foreign were the things Rey revealed to you about _Earth,_ the planet that contained Hertfordshire and your family. It was your home, the place you were born, the place you took your first breath, the place your entire childhood rested upon. 

And the only place you knew...well...it was a _lie_. 

You tore yourself from these painfully haunting thoughts, settling in with reality.

You looked at Rey, noticing the new pile of clothes in her arms, stating, “I apologize, just was thinking.”

She nodded, brushing off any concern.

“So, this is a dress Commander Ren has requested me to bring for you to wear tonight. They’re nothing _too_ fancy, but I have a feeling you will _love_ them—”

You cut her off instantly, turning to Kylo, shouting, “Woah, woah, woah, let me get this straight. You _requested_ for _me_ to wear something _you_ like?”

“That’s right,” he said, crossing his arms and stepping closer to you. 

You threw a mini fit, exhaling angrily, turning away from him, crossing your own arms, and rolling your eyes. Rey had to stop herself from giggling.

_Does he think he can just determine my wardrobe?_

At this point, both you and Rey looked a bit flustered, but not for the same reasons. She cleared her throat, trying to get your attention. 

You looked back at her, and she handed you a very tiny pink bag. If she was trying to change the conversation, it was working wonderfully.

“Some of us on Base have been occasionally hearing some... _noises_ ...coming from this cabin, and I...um...I just figured this would benefit you _immensely_ _,”_ she said. “Including Ren. I am _positive_ it will benefit him, too.”

You took the bag from her with an expression of confusion. When you glanced over your shoulder, expecting Kylo to help you out with whatever _this_ was, he must have read Rey’s mind or something because he was just sitting on the corner of the fucking bed adjusting his belt, facing away from you and her.

You frowned, sticking out your lip, before unzipping the bag. 

Inside, you found a few packets with dots on them, which was just odd. You also found these weird, soft pieces of _something_ wrapped up in some type of plastic. 

Sensing your confusion, Rey walked over to you, helping you out with your struggles. “Here, you see this,” she said, showing you the tiny packet, “these are called birth control _pills_. When you...you know...have sex...they will protect you from getting pregnant. Specifically, getting pregnant with _him.”_

She moved a piece of hair out of her face. Your eyes widened while a surge of embarrassment and relief ran through your veins.

“And these are just sanitary pads, or pads for short. When you get your period, you can put them in your underwear, and they will absorb your blood. These other circular ones are tampons, and they work the same, you just insert one into your vagina. But if you’re worried about that—” she glanced at Kylo, who was still stupidly fumbling with his belt, “—which I’m assuming you aren’t, you can just use the pads,” she added, causing you to blush. 

You understood why she looked at him in such a manner. 

Kylo’s cock _was_ huge, considering all large and wonderful phallic things, so these tampons shouldn’t be _too_ difficult to get the hang of. You were really happy about the birth control because it was something women from the place you came from weren’t allowed to know about. 

_Because birth control pills wouldn’t exist if the year was really 1810. Oh yeah, right, the Malum Ascendancy, a dangerous Congregation, blah blah blah. Yet another form of female oppression by powerful men._

On the bright side, you weren’t yet pregnant, so this thing would make your new sex life much less worrisome. Ohhh, how you truly loved getting fucked by Kylo. 

Once again, that gorgeous bastard seemed to be reading your thoughts again because you heard him groan a little as your thoughts went all sorts of explicit directions. 

“Well,” Rey said. “I think I should be going. I’ll see you guys at dinner shortly, and remember, the Dining Hall isn’t too far a walk from here,” she added, putting her hands together and pivoting around, opening the door and exiting your cabin.

You glanced over at the clothes she left you, heading towards them, lifting them up in front of you as you looked at yourself in the mirror. You immediately fell in love with them. “Oh my! This is so beautiful!” you exclaimed. 

It was simple: a shimmering whitish-lavender, off-the-shoulder, short flared dress. It was so pretty you could cry. There were also some pretty flowers on the dress for you to put in your hair, a cute little touch.

“And what do you have to say to me?” he asked, voice syrupy and deep. 

You stood up taller, still feeling small. “Th-thank you, this is gorgeous,” you replied, falling in love with the dress.

He stood up, and walked over to you, lightly holding your chin between his fingers. 

“Thank you _what?”_

“Oh-uh th-thank you, _Commander,”_ you corrected.

He snaked his long arm around your back, pulling you against him. You could feel him trying to rub his soft erection into your little body. He chuckled when you whimpered. Just a little while ago, he was inside of you, and you _still_ wanted more. 

“Go put it on. Now,” he demanded with a flat tone, releasing you from his gentle grip. “Want you looking presentable.”

He nudged you away and you scampered away into the bathroom, immediately removing your tunic, bodysuit, and pants, and slipping into the shiny, beautiful dress. While doing that, you decided to quickly adjust your hair, making it look as cute as it could be before going to dinner. 

Yet secretly, you loved when Kylo acted so possessive over you, telling you what to do and when, despite his moral compass being tremendously out of whack. However, you blocked him from reading into this deep part of your mind, and you found yourself having to block him out _a lot._

Once you were done with fixing your appearance, you found him at the door waiting for you. 

“Hurry up,” he muttered, growing impatient. 

You slipped on some white flat dress shoes you found on the floor, likely ones Kylo picked for you to match your cute, lavender number. After you quickly scrambled to get to the door, trying your very best to hurry he stopped you. 

“You look beautiful, princess,” he said. You caught a whiff of his cologne, and it felt like it paralyzed you for a moment. The refined, alluring musky scent of him took hold of your mind.

“Th-thank you,” you replied softly, looking down to your feet. Holding eye contact with that man was _impossible._

At that, he opened the door for you, allowing you to go first. The weather outside was still pretty humid and hot, but since there was a slight nighttime breeze, you were comfortable. He took your hand to his as you walked to the location dinner would be taking place. So much had still felt incredibly surreal, just being on another planet with this man felt like a dream. 

The forest was dark, but lights coming out of various cabins all around the Resistance Base seemed to illuminate your direction. You made sure to stay close to him, not wanting to stray far from the invisible path he was leading you across, both literally and metaphorically. 

Your stomach grumbled, and for the first time in long while, you realized you were starving. Crazy how much sex wears a girl out.

You came to a large, almost mansion-like cabin with beautiful mahogany wood, prominent exterior decor, all the while a warm glow emanated from the inside. You could smell all kinds of food being cooked, a scent that made you very happy and smile deliriously. 

As you entered what was obviously the Dining Hall, you could instantly see that it was packed with all kinds of people with different jobs at this Resistance Base. The moment Kylo stepped in behind you, his hand still in yours, a few people became aware of his presence and stopped conversing. Almost like an invisible wave of dominoes fell, the entire hall soon fell completely _silent._

“Right this way, Angel,” he said, unbothered by his effect on those who essentially were his enemies. You still hadn’t forgotten what Rey had told you.

The only reason he was being protected was because General Leia had reason to believe he was returning to the Light, and would end up fighting against the Order by her side. He fearlessly walked you right through the crowd of people, face stoic. They moved out of the way as though _you_ were also a threat, not only him. Everyone subtly began gossiping while giving you and Kylo apprehensive looks.

You took your seats at a circular wooden table, where you found your three rescuers and both of Kylo’s parents. Once he sat down beside you, he looked awfully nervous, reaching under the table to grab your thigh and squeeze it every so often. You could tell that he was not intending on doing it sexually because it appeared to be more of a security thing for him. 

And you couldn’t explain why, but some part of you told yourself that he needed you. 

“Very pleased to see that you have joined us, son,” Han remarked, causing everyone else at the table to shoot content yet concerned smiles at each other. 

Kylo just nodded, not saying anything in return. 

Leia chimed in, “So,” she said your name, “how are you adjusting to life here on Ajan Kloss?”

The five-plus times Kylo fucked you rushed to the crux of your mind, stopping you from speaking.

You giggled to yourself, “I’m actually doing well, General.” You glanced back at Kylo, smirking. He kept his hand on your thigh, but released some pressure once he saw your smile. “This place...it’s absolutely stunning,” you marveled, looking up at the large, warm mahogany wood ceiling. 

There were large, dark wooden ceiling fans with lights in them and gorgeous golden chandeliers all over the ceiling. Your table had very fancy glasses, plates, and utensils, some of them with gold etched into their surfaces. There were so many important-looking people in the Dining Hall, as well, at least five hundred of them. You felt shocked to realize you were in the company of the _most_ important members of the Resistance, however. 

Waitresses began walking around carrying large trays of food which excited you. It smelled so delicious, whatever they were bringing. 

“Very wonderful to hear,” Leia responded. She had a certain fire in her eyes, that of which most assuredly belonged to a strong woman. You nodded humbly, sincerely beginning to enjoy her company.

Waitresses soon came around, and unsurprisingly, your table was served first. 

_Holy shit. This looks like the best food I’m ever gonna consume._

For dinner, everyone was given a Greek salad with olive dressing, and following that was some mashed potatoes and gravy. Then the main course came along, which was chicken terrine with some pieces of bread and butter on the side. Eventually, you were then served a small fruit cup, likely to adjust your tastebuds to prepare you for the fifth and final course: dessert. It was a small cup of chocolate mousse. 

Your _favorite_. 

Everything was delectable, absolutely everything. You even loved the terrine, which was quite odd compared to anything you have ever tried in your life. You briefly remembered one time your great grandmother had made it for you, but your 6-year-old brain was too squicky to try what you used to think was just _slimy, cold chicken._

All of the other food was incredible. The salad was just astonishing with its dressings, and you didn’t even want to get started on those fucking mashed potatoes and gravy; they looked so good you could die. When you ate the fruit, you felt like you were getting healthy for about two milliseconds, but then the chocolate mouse was served, and you were back to being addicted to the unhealthy chocolate sweetness that was dessert.

Throughout the entire meal, you laughed and chatted across the table with Rey, Finn, and Poe, and Han and Leia, getting very comfortable with being around them. It was as if they were your truest friends, people you never wanted to lose. Kylo, on the other hand, was a man of few words, and he didn’t talk much during his meal. He was an incredible listener in that sense, but you already knew that.

He didn’t tell you this, but he was genuinely expecting this evening to be miserable, as his parents did not want him returning to Starkiller, but the topic never did come up. He knew their feelings, and they knew his. 

The night went a million times better than he could have dreamed, watching your face light up as you talked to truly made him forget about the issues that plagued his mind. 

Unfortunately, much to his fears, Han asked, “Are you _sure_ about leaving us tomorrow morning?”

A pool of dread and anger formed in his core, thinking he would have averted this sensitive subject.

Kylo quickly responded. “Yes. _I definitely am.”_

Everyone at the table became silent, not wanting to irritate him since they could likely tell he was not far from causing a scene. His hand returned to your thigh, squeezing it gently once more. 

Once dinner was over, you bid your new friends goodbye, telling them, _"thank you,"_ a million times, and hoping you would see them sometime in the future. You began crying, feeling your emotions build up as you remembered the night Alexander tried raping, abusing, and torturing you, all the while Kylo was passed out. It was a traumatic night, one that would haunt you forever and always cause you to question your true worth. 

You faced General Leia, along with the rest of your new family, unable to stop the sea of emotions wracking your fragile heart. “Th-thank you all again for everything. Including s-saving Kylo. I-I couldn’t do any of this without him with me,” you cried, turning into him and burying your face into his chest, again. 

It seemed you were crying a lot these days. 

“Of course. We truly _hope_ only _good_ things happen from now on,” Leia said, looking directly to Kylo, emphasizing the word _good_. You soon began to realize that maybe, his intentions weren’t _entirely_ what he was making you believe. 

Yet you just brushed off your potential worries, taking what she said as a token of good luck. 

Kylo turned around, his chin quivering, leading you back to your cabin. 

Leading you to an unknown tomorrow. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Author's Note:** wow. that chapter was a lot, literally 15,800 words, and i am very sorry for any spelling/grammar errors.💖 editing this pile of words was a logistical nightmare, and after i was finished with looking for said errors, i continued to find more and more that just seemed to appear out of nowhere. i can't tell you how many times i felt ready to set my computer on fire.
> 
> anyways, to sum this up, you've discovered that you're living in 1980! that's kinda crazy if u ask me. and to think you've been lied to your entire life about being living in the 1800s, wow, i think i'd be pretty pissed, too. kylo ren really wasn't lying when he said he was full of secrets;) as you can see, the chapter title was inspired by my favorite band, NIGHT TRAVELER, so kudos to them!!🥰 but in all seriousness, i am definitely hoping everyone is liking this story! please send me feedback and your thoughts about this, i was pretty nervous to publish this chapter, so any support will make me feel relieved. 
> 
> (and yes, i did make up an original name for an already-established star wars ship!! the Midnight Traveler is a car that transforms into a ship—while it is in motion—and vice versa. this will come in handy for flying back to Earth for transportation purposes as it allows for discreet and hidden interplanetary transport!!)
> 
> also, a quick announcement: you'll notice that this work is now part of a series! i did create two other versions of this story, and you can find a summary of what each of them entails in my series description, which hopefully alleviates any confusion. 
> 
> furthermore, you can find the playlist for this story [ here.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3GLW5qzGyfE1j5SkZcRRrD?si=UCS1wGyNT9WbmsTaWseCTg)
> 
> so...yes...i am very excited about where this writing-for-fun journey is taking me, and i hope you all are as well! this story is my baby right now, i think about her night and day xx♥️
> 
> This is my first time writing really anything in the world of fanfiction. I am relatively young in terms of other writers on this platform, and the Star Wars Cinematic Universe is the first fandom I am actively participating in. Constructive criticism is absolutely something I'm hoping for, but please be gentle. As most authors know, writing is very difficult. And personally, I'm quite sensitive to anything deliberately hurtful, not helpful, or discouraging.💌


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